mwstylee

Well, I had a ton of sober days last year. I was in the 3-digit territory. At this point, I had not touched weed for a few years. I was a big stoner in college but took some time off bud when I started my big-boy job. But my alcohol habit never took a serious hiatus until last year.

I ended up going to a music festival with friends about 8 months ago. Right after my very last post about loving sobriety in mid-June 2013. I was set on not drinking at all, but smoking some weed because it's just expected and I can honestly say weed is one of my biggest "passions". That 3-day music festival really re-acquainted me with my love of getting stoned.

I went full-on stoner mode like I was in college again. Getting stoned multiple times a day for the last 8 months. Still never touched alcohol. Weed is my first and true love. No hangovers, just pure fun. I am single with no kids, and a stable suit-n-tie career so affording it wasn't a problem.

Well, about 3 weeks ago, I had to stop getting stoned. A finance firm was looking to hire someone like me, for a higher salary than I'm earning. I know they drug test and I knew I had to stop smoking if I wanted this job.

I traded in my bong for alcohol. I've been drunk every day/night. This sucks. It feels like I need to drink just to feel normal. The withdrawals are getting very bad again. I'm not to the point of daily puking yet...like I used to...but it's getting there. Already called out of work multiple times to get drunk at home. Or I was just too drunk from the night before to drive in. Or the withdrawals were too bad to go in.

I think I just want a life free of these vices. I need to think about the next step in this plan.

Thanks for reading.

Sorensen

man alive

Dee74

Welcome back

I actually had a number of drugs of choice mwstylee....none of the drugs themselves were the problem - I was.

I wanted to escape, or to fit in, or to feel good....the basic problem was I didn't like being me.

The only way I found to really feel these feelings, and not their chemical approximations, was abstinence - from everything.

D

mwstylee

I agree completely. I don't think I'm cut out for moderation when it comes to any substance on this planet. It's 0 or 10 for me. No in between. I know full well that 0 is my only option if I want to have any semblance of a life.

Cheydinhal

Check out a step group or group therapy, somewhere you can listen to the stories and experiences of other addicts in person - it has done wonders for me to feel like I'm not alone and to feel the strength through a Higher Power to get through each day by facing the fear that caused me to use alcohol and other substances to try to cover up in the first place. Hang in there

ReadyAndAble

Welcome back, mwstylee. I'm really glad you're getting off that train before it crashes.

Gakx

The "trade out" has been an issue for me. I would quit one thing and move on to another. I finally gave up all drugs but then I told myself that I "deserved" something for giving up my passions. That is when I met alcohol, ugh, he has been a real jerk and made my life just as miserable as my drug life. The drugs got me a criminal record, the alcohol hasn't...yet. Hence, I am a raging addict to everything, nothing I don't like so I must abstain from it all. I hope you can kick this and continue to aspire toward your goals.

Cheydinhal

At least you can play Oblivion Gakx I absolutely love that game!

mwstylee

I've already started on this bottle of Stoli about 3 hours ago and don't see myself stopping tonight. I want so badly to be sober tomorrow and give this plan some momentum starting tomorrow morning. I am extremely tempted to go back to AA this weekend.

I mostly just miss living a life that doesn't revolve around some type of substance. After a while of getting stoned, the bong starts to feel like a freaking pacifier or something.

The months and months that I got sober last year were the best months of my adult life. I got so much done around the house, ate healthy, saw so much nature in its purest state, and was so productive. I really miss that.

Tomorrow will be a new day........ Thanks for the replies, I appreciate them.

Gakx

Well Cheydinhal, with a name like that, I knew you would get it!!!

mwstylee, don't give up. Tomorrow is a new day and you have the power to take back that life. Rest easy my friend and come back, we all want to support you and help you succeed. This is just a glitch in the Matrix.

least

I hope the support here can help you get back to a clean and sober life.

littlefish

A good tool for recovery is identifying the blips in our using philosophy. You mention how much you love getting stoned, but then you mention how productive you were when you were clean and sober.
You can remind yourself the next time you want to smoke that it's smoke or be productive: is there really any middle ground? When I reminded myself of the negative effects of alcohol, it helped. At the point I quit, there were no positive effects left.

KateL

You have made a good decision, Mwstylee and I wish you all the best xxxxx

CelticZebra

Is there something else you can substitute for a while that's not so harmful maybe until you can get through to feeling ok with NO vices.... I used to swap around a bit, I NEVER touch class A drugs anymore since I had a psychotic breakdown (learnt that the hard way!) it's way harder to quit everything at once, I'll never drink alcohol again but I allow myself caffeine (that's next on the list to cut right down on) I used to worry about my weight but I've also been allowing myself chocolate since my last ever alcoholic drink because its less harmful to my overall health, I still smoke nicotine (stopped for 9 months when pregnant!) I've had loads of therapy, tried loads of different things: AA, Smart recovery, reading LOADS, but since I've started being nicer to myself and building my esteem back up I've started to feel more in control of ME which is ultimately what I think we all want.
I've just found AVRT which is a revelation for me, personally.
I wish you so much luck in finding yourself and the right path to your bright new future that your dreams of the new job conjure up.
Let us know how it's coming along

caboblanco

weed doesn't have a nice tukus though

ErikT

I don't believe lack of smoking weed is the problem. Most of us have an underlying psychological issue. It THIS issue that leads us to "medicating" and we have to get to the core of the real problem before we get sober....

sugarbear1

I treated my alcoholism with alcohol, weed, coke or a combination....

I gave up coke years ago and the weed & alcohol 2 years and 9 months ago.

You can stay stopped, too!

EndGameNYC

Don't know about that. Once I knew alcohol was a problem for me, it never helped to search for or learn my "underlying issues." Putting down the drink was the first step. I can spend my life contemplating what brought me to this place, but nothing ever got better without first putting down the drink.