nightmares

Old 02-14-2014, 07:52 AM
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Question nightmares

It's been about 3 weeks since I left my ABF. I'm feeling pretty good mostly, but I've been having horrible nightmares, just about every time I fall asleep. Mostly about him. Anyone else experience this? How long should I expect it to last?

I'm also going to the apartment this afternoon. I'm going to watch his daughter for a few hours while he works, and pack up some things. The plan is to spend the night because I work early tomorrow morning, and it's a 45 mile drive back to my dad's. Is this a horrible idea?
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Old 02-14-2014, 08:08 AM
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Yes. I believe it is a horrible idea, I am sorry. You are only prolonging your own pain. He needs to find a babysitter, that person should not be you. And spending the night is even worse. How confusing for the poor child also.

As far as the nightmares, I have them when I am the most stressed about any given situation. Once the stress is better the nightmares stop.

Originally Posted by worriedmind View Post
It's been about 3 weeks since I left my ABF. I'm feeling pretty good mostly, but I've been having horrible nightmares, just about every time I fall asleep. Mostly about him. Anyone else experience this? How long should I expect it to last?

I'm also going to the apartment this afternoon. I'm going to watch his daughter for a few hours while he works, and pack up some things. The plan is to spend the night because I work early tomorrow morning, and it's a 45 mile drive back to my dad's. Is this a horrible idea?
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Old 02-14-2014, 08:14 AM
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Hey there. Yes, I've been having constant night terrors in the 2 (3?) weeks since I left my alcoholic gf. Every darn night. Part of this could be attributed to the drugs I'm taking. I've been prescribed propanolol for anxiety because it is not a controlled substance (though they gave me klonopin too) and I read that it can actually affect dreams. I take doxylamine (otc unisom) to sleep because honestly I can't sleep yet even with my trusty sounds of nature iphone app.

In the few months leading up to my ending it, I had lots of nightmares when I slept next to her. Some of them were about her dying in a car accident when she was drinking, others were about her blacking out and doing something to me in my sleep. That is very far fetched and I'm not trying to demonize her - it's just what goes on in your dreams after some of the drama I saw in the waking hours. My friend probably put that in my head because he always said "I don't want you to end up like Phil Hartman."

The thing is, chemicals and rx drugs aside, major life changes will act themselves out in the deep subconscious. So it is no surprise to me that we are having nightmares.

I am hesitant to give any advice because I'm so tattered and mixed up myself. But my gut tells me that if the weather is safe, that 45 mile drive should not get in your way. I just don't like the idea of you having nightmares while sleeping at your ex's place. Wouldn't it feel better to be at your dad's even if it's a long drive? Sorry if I am sounding ignorant or not understanding - I am just trying to picture this if it were my situation, and it would be bad for me.
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Old 02-14-2014, 08:19 AM
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I think its a horrible idea, I know I am not you, don't walk in your shoes, etc and don't know what reasons you have for such a decision but it seems fairly hairbrained to me.
I have nightmares nightly, if I manage to sleep at all, so does my 11 year old daughter, always about him. They haven't yet let up. Surely they will stop one day, when we no longer flinch at the sound of a truck driving down the road, maybe. Maybe meditation before bed might help clear your head of ugliness a bit before sleeping?
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Old 02-14-2014, 08:30 AM
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You're not alone. I have the most vivid dreams. I can't quite call them nightmares because they're usually about us being together and happy. When I wake up and realize it was only a dream, my heart breaks all over again. Not sure what's worse, that or nightmares.

Only you can tell yourself what you feel is the right choice to make about babysitting and staying there. Personally, I'd be sucked right back in without a doubt. There is no way I could see my AXBF right now and be ok - I'm not anywhere even close to strong enough for that. As a matter of fact, I've avoided every single place that we could possibly run into each other because I know that if we did, it would be all over and we'd be right back into the dysfunctional, abusive, traumatizing situation I just left.

I know you want to. I would want to, too. But please think long and hard before you do it. You know what it's going to lead to. If you're willing to accept that and want to prolong your agony a little longer, well, that's your choice. If you want things to change and you've had enough of the hurt and the problems that addiction causes in your life and relationship, you might not want to go there.

Wishing you the best in whatever you decide. I know how hard it is to walk away and stay away, trust me.
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Old 02-14-2014, 09:15 AM
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It never ceases to amaze me the poor choices we (yes I am including MYSELF) continue to make over these alcoholic *****s....

YES it is a POOR choice to spend the night there. Please don't do it.
Why are you babysitting for him?
You're doing this because you want to see him and hope that he will have a light bulb moment and want you back, aren't you?
We've (I've) all done it, but guess what, 99.9% of the time it doesn't work and only hurts us-not them.

When we (myself included) continue to do things like this-we are taking giant steps backwards-and we only hurt ourselves-the alcoholic *****s couldn't care less about us.

Tell him to find another babysitter, pack up your things and send them to you.
PLEASE don't spend the night there, please!
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Old 02-14-2014, 09:27 AM
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Originally Posted by AlcoholicLove View Post

You're doing this because you want to see him and hope that he will have a light bulb moment and want you back, aren't you?
We've (I've) all done it, but guess what, 99.9% of the time it doesn't work and only hurts us-not them.
That's EXACTLY why I've always gone back. Waiting, hoping, praying and swearing that the light bulb moment was coming any moment. Never came. Never will.

And I had to LOL hard at the alcoholic *****s...
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Old 02-14-2014, 09:33 AM
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I agree with Alcoholiclove about staying away and I also had nightmares for a few months after he left but they do stop once you're away from the craziness!
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Old 02-14-2014, 04:35 PM
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Well I'm here. I also had to come and pack my stuff. I haven't really done that yet and finally had the day off. I'm not really waiting for the light bulb moment of him wanting me back. He already does want me back. He's wanted me back since the minute I left but says he understands I need to do this. He also thinks we can get back together in a year, because I told him maybe we could. Why did I do that?

His daughter also thinks I'm just moving to be closer to school and then we're going to get back together after that. God dammit! This is only the 3rd time I've seen him since I left. The first time was to get him to sign paperwork for the landlord, and the last time was 2 weeks ago when I came and we had a 'normal' night with his daughter. I know I'm making wrong decisions. I want to continue to see his daughter (I've known her 8 of the 9 years she's been alive) but I don't know how to be there for her in a healthy way without falling back into old patterns with him.

I can't wait to get the rest of my stuff and have my kitty with me. We have to be out March 31st, and I'm not taking the cat until the last minute because my step mom is allergic and she'll have to stay in the basement. I think I'm going to make my space there too. That way they can still have their guest room, and the cat won't be all by her lonesome.
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Old 02-14-2014, 10:04 PM
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My thoughts are with you right now, I hope with everything inside me you are safe.
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