Confused106

My dh is just getting out of rehab for alcohol. We have been drinking together for years. I quit drinking when he found out he was going to rehab-dec 1, 2013.

Has anyone dealt with spouses in recovery together?

KateL

Yes. It was easier when we were both stopped. xxxx

least

I'm single so have no experience to share but wanted to welcome you to the family.

Ruby2

Yes. I am an alcoholic as is my husband. It is a lot easier when both stay sober.

You haven't said whether drinking is a problem for you or not. But my advice would be the same regardless. Your husband will need time to attend meetings if he chooses AA. He will most likely, at first, wish to avoid those people, places and things that he associates with drinking. People he drank with. Activities associated with drinking.

It sounds like you are supportive. Ask him what he needs and follow his lead.

Good luck.

Confused106

I would say drinking was a bigger problem for me than him, but the rehab was work initiated because he is a much "louder" drinker than I am and drew a lot more attention to himself.

I'm still amazed that I was able to quit cold turkey. I have had some paws problems though. But not cravings. It's like I forgot I used to drink because I was so worried about him and the kids and my own extreme depression. That I am dealing with.

I'm still struggling with the idea that we are both alcoholics. We are definitely both heavy drinkers.

Confused106

Or I guess it's we were heavy drinkers.

brit789

My husband and I are too. We always quit together and fall off the wagon together. It's a double edged sword. Most if the time we support each other but if we happen to both have a weak moment it gets tough. Good luck!

Dee74

Welcome Confused
You'll find a lot of folks here who've dealt with spouses who drink.

I don't actually see a distinction between heavy drinkers and alcoholism a lot of the time - if it's so bad you need to go to rehab or find other ways to stop, I reckon it really doesn't matter what you call it - but you have to deal with it.

D

Confused106

This will be the first time we have ever quit together. Until work threatened his job dh didn't think he had a problem.

Now we have a common goal. I hope we can be supportive and not detrimental.

Jillian2563

When my husband went to rehab a few years ago, I promised him I stop drinking too. It was easier when we both stopped. The problem was when we decided to have just 1 together. We started right back up. Be supportive of each other.

kcvalentine

Hi Confused! Our stories sound similar. My husband and I were drinking buddies and spent 8 years in the depths of addiction and binge drinking. I feel like I'm an alcoholic but he feels like he just had a drinking problem. I quit cold turkey almost two and a half years ago and have not relapsed. He still drinks on occasion but doesn't get out of control...he was a loud drinker as well so it always seemed like he was worse off, but really I was just as bad - just hid it better. I definitely feel like my resolve to never drink again helps keep his behavior in check. He's a little more mindful of the situation because I'm really committed to my sobriety. It's not perfect but we have found a really lovely place in our marriage in part because we have tried so hard to learn from our mistakes so that we don't slip back into despair.

Wishing you all the best! xoxoxox

Pedro1234

My wife still drinks every night and quite often still says have a drink, one drink wont hurt Before i relapsed i had to deal with this over my 7 months of sobriety. I also have older kids that drink at home from time to time along with their friends. I wish i had the support of my family as i think it would make sobriety much easier. Good on you confused106 for supporting your husband.

peanutty

My husband and I stopped on the same day. He had one drink about a week later, didn't like the effect and hasn't had more since. We never had the same drink of choice so I think I could have it in the house and him drinking if I had to and still stay sober. It would be lots harder though from an emotional support standpoint.

DuckyDarling

My ex-husband and I had a similar problem. The best thing for us was completely avoiding places and activities that reminded us of drinking together and all the "fun" we had when drinking. Try something new together which won't have memory of alcohol associated with it. It's hard, be strong for each other.

Confused106

Thank you all for the replies. I am glad I joined here!
I have been so lonely without dh and envious that he is in rehab with all the support and help and I have only had myself to rely on-and I had to take care of the kids, the bills, etc.
I knew if I let myself drink while under do much stress I would have been drunk the whole 6 weeks he was gone.
But it has given me time to realize I like my life way better sober. And that I am capable of doing it and dh has decided the same thing.
I'm looking forward to finding new fun activities together.

peanutty

Glad you joined too Confused. Stick with us. Lots of folks here who understand what you're going through.