goodkitty

Hi everyone,

My first post and I probably have a few questions for everyone...but until I can frame them in my own mind I wont go there. I am here because my drinking has steadily increased since 1995, and in the last year has been kind of ridiculous. I am lucky in that I am highly functioning...never miss a day of work...but until almost a month ago I don't know if I could tell you a day I didn't wake up with a hangover. Its a double edged sword. I can probably count on one hand the days since 1995 that I haven't had a drink (not all days to excess, but many...)

So embarrassing.

However, I decided in January that if I couldn't go 30 days without a drink, I would check myself into an inpatient facility... So, since January 16th, 2014 I haven't had one drop of booze. I have been sleeping like the dead, losing weight, and I am proud of myself - something I haven't been in a long time.

So here's the rub....my "its ok to have a glass of wine before and with dinner" date is this Saturday....and I would like to know one way or the other if I can moderate. When I say "moderate" I mean a glass of wine or two a night on the weekends and nothing during the week. Easy on the liver, easy on the waistline, and way wayyyyy easier on the wallet.

I am wondering if anyone out there thinks i am insane to consider trying it? I guess only I can answer that....but if I SLIP, I think that would be a pretty clear indication that I cannot manage without full abstinence.

I invite any and all thoughts, good, bad, or ugly, because I really don't know what I am doing...just trying to find my way in some new territory.

Sorry for the length of my post...I guess I found my thoughts after all!

Ncognito13

If you can moderate is up to you. I tried the 'drink with dinner' thing but just found myself heading out for more. I have no natural shut off when it comes to drinking. I always want more, and will only stop when I pass out.

ScottFromWI

Moderation is the holy grail of alcoholics, which means it's largely unattainable. The very definition of alcoholism is based on our inabilitiy to moderate or control our drinking.

So if you aren't an alcoholic, then you should be fine having a few drinks before dinner. The real question is if you are an alcoholic, and only you can answer that.

KateL

I personally couldn't do it.xxx

goodkitty

Ncognito13, thank you for your thoughts. There is an old saying that rattles around in my brain....and I wonder if it applies to me..."One drink is too many and a thousand not enough". Perhaps time will tell. Maybe since I am wondering it truly does. That said, I have never really considered moderating with any real effort. Hmmm.

goodkitty

Scott and Kate...

Thank you for your thoughts...I appreciate you helping me keep it real.

ScottFromWI

For me that was exactly what I needed. I tried cutting back, moderating and quitting many times on my own. In the end my addiction always won since i was trying to fight it myself. Every single time I ended up drinking daily again. Now i have help through SR and my family and both of those help me "keep it real" every day. If you are an alcoholic, being sober is better in ever possible way. Congrats on your sobriety so far and stick around.

doggonecarl

Welcome.

Sounds to me like you have been longing for this day to arrive. What does that tell you about your relationship with alcohol?

Jimuk

Tried it and failed, tried it again and failed.

Im not going to type that a 1000 times.

Good Luck.

goodkitty

Actually fair question but I HAVENT been longing for it to arrive at all. I guess it might be more telling to consider THAT.

sugarbear1

"I am here because my drinking has steadily increased since 1995"

alcoholism has nothing to do with missing work. High functioning is a stage of alcoholism, not part of the progression necessarily.

Moderation didn't work for me, but go ahead and see what happens, maybe you are different.

I wish you well!

If you haven't been longing for that day to drink again, then alcohol would be a non-issue for you.

ScottFromWI

It's actually very normal for addition to tell you that it's OK to have just one. In fact it happens to pretty much everyone. Again, you are the one that has to make the decision...but think long and hard about all those years you've drank and all those hungover mornings. Do you honestly think you will just all of a sudden be able to have one or two drinks and call it quits? Really, really think it through before you do it.

Every single day, usually multiple times a day you can read here about someone who "thought they could have just a few" and come crawling back after a binge. AA meetings are exaclty the same - people come back after they thought they were somehow "better" or "cured" because they had a little sober time under their belt. The result is always the same.

DuhDave

...and you can call it what you will. You are contemplating your next drinking session already. Trust me. I know it when I see it. Even in others.

Dave

Tiptree

I drank like you and our timelines are similar. Early last year I tried drinking only on the weekends. All I looked forward to all week was that first glass of wine after work on Friday and then I ended up binging the whole weekend. My general drinking worsened after that ( vodka and wine, every night). I stopped after I had a bad physical and for some reason it finally clicked in my brain that I couldn't have that first drink. That actually made it easier for me. I've thought (many times) about having a glass of wine with dinner, especially at a restaurant but (for me ) I know just where that will lead. I feel too good to give up my sobriety and afraid it may be even harder to stop next time if I do.

goodkitty

Be nice...you don't know me from Adam nor I you...please don't presume to know what I am contemplating. I am just trying to find my way. Hitting me over the head with the facts of life as you know them won't help me with that.

Hevyn

Hi goodkitty.

I understand the logic you're using - I used it many times too. I wanted desperately to be able to control the amounts I drank. I didn't want to give up on the idea that I could be a social drinker. The problem was that once the first drink was in my system - any plans I had to moderate went out the window. I used all the willpower I could summon up - but it was useless against the power alcohol had over me. My nice glass of wine always turned into the whole bottle. That was my experience - I'm not saying it would be the same way for you.

We are glad you want to talk about this - please continue to post about your feelings.

newme2day

All I will tell you is I have tried to moderate the number of drinks and I can do it for awhile, but it takes work. People who aren't alcoholics don't need to work at moderating. Also, once I start that cycle of moderate drinking, I realize that once again, my thoughts have returned to "when's my next drink". But that's my story not yours. We are all different. In the end, you need to decide if you think it could be a problem.

goodkitty

I truly appreciate your thoughts. And I hear you...loud and clear. ITs good to have an open forum about it.

goodkitty

Your point about it being work is valid. Easier to abstain. This last almost month has been quite liberating actually.

seeks

That sounds very familiar. For me those thoughts were always a precursor to a binge. I tried many times to have one or two drink and on occasion was able to but I was always white knuckling not ordering another. Most of the time though those first couple drinks led to an all out bender. Just my experience with that self talk. Thanks for sharing!