LadyBlue0527

The further out I get and the more social things that I do without alcohol it forces me to really question what the heck I got out of drinking.

I proclaimed that drinking was fun, that it was great to hang out with people and kick back. For a normie that may be true. For me though, I'm finding now though that the "fun" wasn't really that fun. I've taken a good look and in my mind studied a few times that I hung out with people when I was drinking. I bounced the rare nights through my mind where I didn't make a fool out of myself and nights where I rode the edge. In both instances it's clear to me now that not one moment of what I was doing was really "fun". It was all about drinking. Even down to when I would feel the buzz first coming on and then all of our mouths would start flapping. I look at the things that I said and did, even when they weren't obnoxious, and they were all fake. Nothing more than a product of the liquid that I was pouring down my throat. It wasn't about good times, it was all about feeding the addiction.

I can't describe how tremendous the feeling is to drive home from being with friends now. How I have the capability to reflect on the evening and smile about things that were said. To realize that laughter and conversations were genuine and not falsely perceived as fun just because I was drinking.

I'm beginning to experience "real" fun now. I can't even begin to describe it. I think the last time I felt joy about upcoming plans like this was when I was a little kid.

I've learned that being sober isn't keeping me from having genuine fun, it was the alcohol that was stopping me from experiencing it in the first place.

You can find this out for yourself, you CAN do this!

feeling-good

LadyBlue - thanks for this; I look forward to when I feel more like you do!

Itsmytime1234

So true, every single word, which is why relapse is so mind boggling and depressing. Especially when u were starting to experience what u just talked about....

Melina

Thank you for this. Every word rings true.

letustrythis123

I can see where it can be fun on a rare occasion out--wine tasting, beer flights, a couple of glasses at dinner with friends. The social lubrication aspect helps a lot (and I'm not a shy person).

But, I agree. Drinking alone and in copious amounts was just horrible. The cycle of needing to pick up early in the morning to stave off the guilt and physical symptoms was no fun. Staying in bed because of no energy and taking naps to insert sober time into your day was a trash way to live. Since I've stopped, I have been really productive. tasks that I had left hanging for years are completed. The to-do lists actually get done.

CAPTAINZING2000

It's in our distorted thinking that makes us believe that drinking is fun. The alcohol loosens our inhibitions to feel at ease. If I could drink normally, alcohol might enhance my social engagements but I can't

I'm at the point in my life I'm no longer bothered by peer pressure to explain why I don't drink etc. society is skewed in their thoughts. The people that enjoy life with out a drink or drug are considered odd. How screwed up is that?

Jeni26

Thanks for the post. It's so true isn't it? I was so worried in the beginning that I would not be able to socialise without a drink inside me. I was so shy and awkward in company that I felt I needed to be drunk before I started.

Took me a little while before I realised that it was the company I kept that needed changing!

An evening with friends now is so much fun. I can laugh like I've never laughed and better still remember it afterwards

Tiptree

LadyBird you are exactly right, not that I would have believed it in a million years!

brit789

That's great. Thanks for posting. I know this just has to be true and I can't wait to experience it myself.

CelticZebra

Fun was much more fun during sober-time, I don't have nightmares about sober-time
Great post Lady x

jaynie04

Thank you LadyBlue…your joy is evident when you post! It is inspiring to hear the wisdom in yours posts, I have gained so much from your shares. Thank you.

gleefan

Lady -- yes! You are spot on! I'm early in recovery (day 13). Last weekend I went out Friday for a girls night and Saturday to a party with couples. I had so much fun, laughed a lot, woke up easily the next day, and remembered everything that happened the night before. I work in child care, and I've envied children's excitement over the simplest of plans. Like you, I feel a lot like them now that drinking is out of my life. When I drank, I'd be annoyed to have to sit through a movie, because Id be anticipating getting trashed afterwards. Now, I look forward to the movie.

ReadyAndAble

Couldn't agree more, LB—and what a shock it was to discover that! It's so much easier to relax and actually enjoy myself now that I'm not secretly obsessing over how many drinks I've had, and how many more I can get away. It's a great feeling to be in control—and to be content. Looking back, drinking was a never-ending race for contentment.... but of course an addict is never really content, at least not for more than a moment. I used to say I drank to unwind and relax, yet only after I quit was I able to actually, truly, totally relax.

ReadyAndAble

I was dropping my daughter at school today. Another kid walks by, probably in fourth or fifth grade. He spots a rubber band someone foolishly discarded on a table. "A rubber band!!!" he says, and pockets it.

That kid's my hero.

jdooner

LB - you bring up a very interesting topic. I agree, as I look back it I cannot see the fun in many of my experiences and I had some wild ones. At the time though I lacked the tools I have now that allow me to find joy sober. So when I was drinking and using the substances were a necessity because I was ignorant to what I truly needed.

I like your reference to the dragon in your footer. I don't see the dragon as bad but our self that for me was simply asleep blindly coasting through life reacting to events and getting inebriated to deal. Now that I have woken, like the sleeping dragon, I am for the first time able to experience life in its glory. Its imply marvelous!

There is a story about an eagle, one of the most glorious and magnificent creatures. But one day the eagle's baby fell out of the nest and landed in a chicken pen. The eagle did not know any better and was raised by the chickens. He would cluck like a chicken and would flap his wings and fly a few feet bc that s the environment he was raised in. One day as the eagle was much older now, he looked up in the sky and saw this magnificent bird flying effortlessly in the sky hardly using a muscle. The eagle on the ground thought this bird looked so majestic and magnificent he wished he could be an eagle too. What irony.

Wouldn't it be sad to spend you life thinking you had to be a chicken if you could really be an eagle?

least

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I always drank alone and the more I drank, the more I hated myself. The more I hated myself, the more I drank. So glad my life isn't like that anymore.