Hopefulness33

Hello everyone! Long story short, I am an alcoholic who has been through intensive outpatient treatment and I also tried AA. My longest sober time was eight months, but then I relapsed, so I have been drinking again for almost a year. I really didn't care for AA and I don't want to go to rehab because I have a full-time job and three kids and a fiancé. On the outside, it looks like I have it altogether...I don't miss work and for the most part, a very attentive Mother, but lately I have been drinking almost on a daily basis. I could drink like maybe four glasses of wine and become extremely intoxicated and my children and fiancé cannot stand to be around me when I am drunk because they say I act really goofy. I hate this disease...every morning I vow that I am not going to drink just for today and then on the way home from work, the desire to stop at the State store is so strong that I get 2-3 little sample bottles of vodka and chug them before I get home. Of course, I think I am being slick in hopes that my family won't find out, but they always know when I have been drinking. It's coming to the point where my fiancé said that he is sick and tired of it and I need to change...what can I do to not cave in everyday to drink!?!? I don't want to lose the people that I love more than anything and I hate myself for doing this to them. Thanks for any support.

CuteNGayYay

Welcome Hope. I'm only a week along but I'm sure plenty of people with more time will post.

Dee74

Hi Hopefulness - welcome
for me support really helped, so coming here is a good start

If AA isn't an option for you what about other programmes?

There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.

If inpatient rehab is not an option either what about outpatient rehab?

The thing is, something has to change. Your success really boils down to what you're prepared to do.

The main thing - whatever you decide to do - is do something.

In my experience, inaction or putting things off, just leads to more drinking....

D

Nonsensical

Welcome to SR.

Make the change. Step one is to drive past the liquor store. Step two find out what you ARE willing to do to stay sober. If you need more info (I did) then read. Start with the link Dee posted. Get more information. Then figure out what works for you and then WORK it.

You can do this.

angel23

Hi ya, well basically I can tell you from experience that you have two options, kick alcohol out it life otherwise it will get to the point we're you're nearest and dearest will not be able to cope with you're addiction as it will only get worse!! You're doing really well to be keeping down a job and being a capable mother...I was the same as you aug 13 then bang I drank myself into a state saying and doing things I regret to this day...that night as cost me everything my partner as left me, my daughter doesn't live with me anymore because I was to stupid and selfish and weak to kick my vodka drinking to the curb!! Bowie i'm paying the price in everyway possible you can think of...i'm having to fight for everything now and its living hell!! Please don't go down the road I did..I thought I was in control of it all how wrong was ii've allowed the drink to destroy my life and my beautiful family!! I'm ashamed and i'm so heartbroken..but i'm picking up the pieces..pls pls get to the cause of the need to drink and reach out and be honest to you're loved ones..
All the best..love and light..xX

angel23

P.s sorry for the poor spelling its this stupid predictive txts lol all the best xX

Hopefulness33

Thank you all so much. Angel23, thank you for your story, it really hit home. God bless you. You are in my thoughts and prayer.

Soberween

For me, drinking was the solution not the problem. I had to determine what was causing me to want to escape through alcohol. I'm pretty sure anxiety is what triggered it every time. There were other things too, but anxiety was the main culprit. So now when I'm feeling anxious, I do something intentional to offset it. Usually, I do some form of exercise. I actually changed my workout time to 5pm in early sobriety because that witching hour would get me every time.

ErikT

You wont like my suggestion. A lot of alcoholics want the world out of recovery...but on their own conditions. "I want to be sober...but..Im NOT doing this...and Im NOT doing that...so, what else ya got?" For a long time...I told myself that I couldn't go to inpatient rehab because I had a job and a life. But you must understand that this is a PROGRESSIVE disease. I get sick of hearing people say "Yeah, but, Im a 'functional' alcoholic....I don't miss work" Functioning isn't a TYPE of alcoholic...its a PHASE of alcoholism. We all at one point In our addiction could say I haven't lost anything yet.....YET. I never lost my job or got a DUI .......until I did. Whats more important to you? Saving your life, relationship, and your entire family....or going to a job you eventually lose anyway due to your drinking....because your "functioning" is NOT going to last. Recovery takes sacrifice. I suggest you be honest with your boss...you never know...maybe your company will actually help you. I lost a job due to drinking in 2003...I was drunk at work. My boss said that had I come to him before this happened...they would have paid for rehab for me. I put myself into rehab inpatient for 30 days in 2004. Ive been sober ever since. This came after a billion times of me trying to do it on my own... Consider inpatient. It could transform your whole life in a positive way. Don't EVER try and begin recovery with a list of things you ARENT willing to do

sugarbear1

"2-3 little sample bottles of vodka" is really 4-6 shots or drinks! Way over the amount a normal person would consume in one sitting!

rational recovery, smart, avrt, life ring, sos, women for sobriety work!!

I wish you well on your sober journey!

huntingtontx

I hear you. It is hard to stop. For me it was the day I decided, I am done. I did not throw out the wine and vodka, I just stopped. I thought if I get into trouble quitting I can have a drink to get past. I never did. After the first week I sent the wine home with my sister. I came here on the fourth day when I knew I could not do this alone. The support I got here was amazing. Sorry ErikT, but I was a functioning alcoholic. I drank for more then 20 years, did not drive drunk, did not miss work and rarely remembered the night before. I only drank at home, so no one really knew or cared.
Anyway, to make a long story short, It is not about the bottle, it is about you. YOU have to want to quit. YOU have to not drink. YOU have to find the support you need. It really is all about YOU. Your kids need you. Now is a good time to get the help you need. Come here often and I know you will find lots of support. We have meetings here Tuesday and Friday, and you can post on the 24 hour promise thread every day, pledging not to drink. I also found a 12 step for Christian book that I am working through. There is lots of help out here and it all just needs you to reach out and take it. Put down the bottle and pick up your life.

ErikT

Does this REALLY sound like a "functional" lifestyle? Rarely remembering the night before and drinking In isolation while no one cared? Sounds pretty dysfunctional to me...

ErikT

good luck to you Hopefulness

totfit

Substitute walking, running, bicycling, hiking, or any form of exercise that improves your mental and physical outlook. It may take baby steps at first, but there is nothing like exercise to improve the mood and lessen the desire to drink. Of course your mileage may vary, but I find this to be true.

least

Welcome to the family. I hope the support here can help you stop drinking for good.

KateL

Welcome Hopefulness xx

CelticZebra

I lost my very special grandmother to throat cancer in September, she had been battling it for 3 years without true hope of recovery, she never smoked, drank very little when she was younger & only ever took paracetamol for pain relief ( until the last few months)
3 weeks after her death I ALMOST lost my husband, family & life as I know it due to drowning my sorrows, finding no other way through my grief, thinking everything was normal, still believing I was in control.
I have memories of that night and I have flashbacks and I also did some real bad stuff which I've blacked out because the shame is too much to admit to. At this fragile point in my life
I can't handle my emotions & until I have my self-control back again I don't need the complications that alcohol brings
My daughter (11) told someone that she doesn't like it when I drink, it didn't make any difference, I thought I was different, invincible, I got lucky.
I hope you do too xx
Big hugs & welcome aboard

Hopefulness33

Today is day one. I cooked, exercised and most of all was fully present for my kids. But still the desire to drink is at the forefront of my mind. I wish I could snap my fingers and have the obsession to drink be instantly lifted. I'm so Jekyll and Hyde with my drinking habits. I can go a few days without drinking and then I'll find an excuse or just plain want to drink. I have been really depressed lately because I do not like my job and dread going to work everyday. I even went off of Facebook because I would get so jealous or envious at what everybody was doing (volunteering, exercising clubs, having all the free time in the world). I have three kids and a fiancé who works a lot of overtime due to the copious amounts of snow we are receiving this Winter. I have no time to myself, so I guess I drink to feel like I have somewhat of a life out of my kitchen. I know it sounds twisted, but that is where I am...