Why do we talk so much about drinking when we want to get away from it?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 316
Why do we talk so much about drinking when we want to get away from it?
I find I want to talk about my drinking days a lot.
That I was cool. I was a girl who loved beer. Maybe I won't be cool anymore. i need to talk about those days. I love watching sports, going to the pub and all of it. Now will I drink my diet Pepsi and chew on ice?
Will playing pool be as fun? Honestly, I don't know. I've never tried it. I grew up partying. Everyone I know sees me and thinks "Let's go out for a drink!" What will I say?
It's really none of their business that I'm not drinking anymore. I don't want concern or pity. Or for them to feel bad about their drinking. Peer pressure sucks!
I'm so glad my son can't have gluten because he can't have beer. He won't get it started.
My first drink was at 12. It was the best feeling I've ever felt. Like your first orgasm. I couldn't wait to do it again.
That I was cool. I was a girl who loved beer. Maybe I won't be cool anymore. i need to talk about those days. I love watching sports, going to the pub and all of it. Now will I drink my diet Pepsi and chew on ice?
Will playing pool be as fun? Honestly, I don't know. I've never tried it. I grew up partying. Everyone I know sees me and thinks "Let's go out for a drink!" What will I say?
It's really none of their business that I'm not drinking anymore. I don't want concern or pity. Or for them to feel bad about their drinking. Peer pressure sucks!
I'm so glad my son can't have gluten because he can't have beer. He won't get it started.
My first drink was at 12. It was the best feeling I've ever felt. Like your first orgasm. I couldn't wait to do it again.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
One of the things that is difficult I'm early recovery is finding out who you are sans alcohol.
Like it or not some things usually have to change.
You will get past the talking about and thinking about drinking, once you settle in , and have some new sober experiences. After all if you drank so much that you are now here, that's pretty much who you were, and that's changing, right?
Like it or not some things usually have to change.
You will get past the talking about and thinking about drinking, once you settle in , and have some new sober experiences. After all if you drank so much that you are now here, that's pretty much who you were, and that's changing, right?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
^^ yup what DB said. Take it slow things will change - think of how much time you spent drinking. For me it was a full time job. Recovery is also a full time job, so I would want to talk about both. People search their entire lives trying to figure out who they are. Recovery will help you figure this out though.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
I was obsessed with drinking...then I was obsessed with the hole not drinking left behind...
Things do settle down - we move beyond the drinking/not drinking axis and find new interests, new loves, new lives. We change, for the better...
It does work out, and things do seem to fall into place...trust me
Things do settle down - we move beyond the drinking/not drinking axis and find new interests, new loves, new lives. We change, for the better...
It does work out, and things do seem to fall into place...trust me
2Cor5:17
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Between Doctor's opinion & pg 164
Posts: 4,187
It all depends on how it's perceived. Yes alc was a social lubricant for me but its afterwards that left me problems. I had no coping skills @ all but I'm amazed that there's no need to pick up if things don't go my way or in company of rope I don't know.
AA didn't teach me how to stop drinking but how to live sober
AA didn't teach me how to stop drinking but how to live sober
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 889
I relate. For me giving up alcohol was like giving up my secret weapon. It was my one size fits all solution to life. When the pain started to out weigh the good - I was lost. Meaning drinking wasn't working but being sober was like an exposed nerve. Everything I did revolved around drinking, my identity as a person was defined by drinking, who would I become????
Well - who I became is ME. I've got some news for you - you are not the drunk you. That is the act. The person you are is hidden underneath all of the regret, shame, anxiety, resentment, etc... When we enter into recovery we start stripping away the facade of who we thought we were and the "real us" comes out.
That person might not like pool - the sober you might enjoy reading a book and going to bed at 10pm. Maybe not though... You'll just have to see.
Sobriety is a gift - it's so much better than the lie that alcohol is.
I wish you the best.
Well - who I became is ME. I've got some news for you - you are not the drunk you. That is the act. The person you are is hidden underneath all of the regret, shame, anxiety, resentment, etc... When we enter into recovery we start stripping away the facade of who we thought we were and the "real us" comes out.
That person might not like pool - the sober you might enjoy reading a book and going to bed at 10pm. Maybe not though... You'll just have to see.
Sobriety is a gift - it's so much better than the lie that alcohol is.
I wish you the best.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,949
There are a few things I love to do that somehow I stopped doing when I was really boozing hard. I'm trying to get back into those things as they are my soul. Maybe I killed them with my drinking mess up...I think I'm worth of redemption though....start being who you are..there is nothing stopping you
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Originally Posted by Nonsensical 
I am significantly cooler sober than I am drunk.
lucygoose, what made you decide to quit? It sounds like maybe you're not all in on this? Your last line of your post is romanticizing alcohol. It's an honest feeling, no doubt. The more you focus on that the harder time you'll have being successful. You have to replace those thoughts with what was negative about drinking.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 426
For me, i have decided to find things to do to fill my time. Fun things. I don't sit on the couch and drink anymore. Think of the things you can do now and actually remember the next day! I am so looking forward to getting to know me.
Recovering ostrich
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Tampa Bay, Florida
Posts: 2,551
For me, I had to change everything. I didn't know who I was anyway so my interests were easy to change, but I had to change the scenery, meaning the people I associated with. Through them, I learned to have fun without wine. And it is way more fun! And there is no headache or regret in the morning!
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Once, on a 40-day hiatus from drinking, I traveled for business to Kuala Lumpur.
One of the favorite local pasttimes there is going out to the karaoke bars and ordering bottle after bottle of scotch until the whole gang is loaded and carrying on like idiots, singing karaoke. This often takes the place of dinner.
So there I was, drinking my coke and repeatedly refusing the shots being pushed in my direction. It was uncomfortable at first, but then someone suggested pool.
And wouldn't you know it? I beat everyone in the place.... turns out, playing pool sober against a pile of drunks is pretty fun after all. Made one absolutely incredible jump shot to sink the eight ball across an entire table of green at one point that had the whole bar cheering - for the sober guy.
I have those thoughts you laid out and more. Even though I've lived plenty of fun moments around drinkers while I was sober - there's still a part of me that feels like I'm 'missing out' or not 'as fun' or 'different'.
But, I'm more and more realizing that 'part of me' is my addictive voice. It's 'Slick', trying to talk his gnarly, disastrous way back into my life. The truth is that you'll have a LOT more fun in sobriety as you increasingly learn what fun really is. Some of the stuff you once thought was fun will start to take on a new look and you'll realize 'hey, hang on; this was actually a big damn waste of my life all along!!!". You may grieve the loss of some of that stuff for a while, but as you discover new aspects of life and new pieces of yourself, you will realize you value those so much more deeply.
Be open to those, hold intention for those, if you're a person who prays, pray to be aware for those....
We talk about drinking because it's what we've known. It's been our comfort. It's been who we are. We talk about it like we would an old relationship or a loved one who has passed on. We talk about it because we're grieving.... but we must remember to also talk about why that relationship didnt' work for us, or how that loved one was actually abusive... we must process that grief while at the same time seeing it clearly for what it was. And we must be looking forward, with open eyes and hearts, to all that lay ahead for us and is SO much more rewarding than a bunch of beer, a smelly pub and a hangover.
One of the favorite local pasttimes there is going out to the karaoke bars and ordering bottle after bottle of scotch until the whole gang is loaded and carrying on like idiots, singing karaoke. This often takes the place of dinner.
So there I was, drinking my coke and repeatedly refusing the shots being pushed in my direction. It was uncomfortable at first, but then someone suggested pool.
And wouldn't you know it? I beat everyone in the place.... turns out, playing pool sober against a pile of drunks is pretty fun after all. Made one absolutely incredible jump shot to sink the eight ball across an entire table of green at one point that had the whole bar cheering - for the sober guy.
I have those thoughts you laid out and more. Even though I've lived plenty of fun moments around drinkers while I was sober - there's still a part of me that feels like I'm 'missing out' or not 'as fun' or 'different'.
But, I'm more and more realizing that 'part of me' is my addictive voice. It's 'Slick', trying to talk his gnarly, disastrous way back into my life. The truth is that you'll have a LOT more fun in sobriety as you increasingly learn what fun really is. Some of the stuff you once thought was fun will start to take on a new look and you'll realize 'hey, hang on; this was actually a big damn waste of my life all along!!!". You may grieve the loss of some of that stuff for a while, but as you discover new aspects of life and new pieces of yourself, you will realize you value those so much more deeply.
Be open to those, hold intention for those, if you're a person who prays, pray to be aware for those....
We talk about drinking because it's what we've known. It's been our comfort. It's been who we are. We talk about it like we would an old relationship or a loved one who has passed on. We talk about it because we're grieving.... but we must remember to also talk about why that relationship didnt' work for us, or how that loved one was actually abusive... we must process that grief while at the same time seeing it clearly for what it was. And we must be looking forward, with open eyes and hearts, to all that lay ahead for us and is SO much more rewarding than a bunch of beer, a smelly pub and a hangover.
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: NJ
Posts: 170
[QUOTE=FreeOwl;4468002]
The truth is that you'll have a LOT more fun in sobriety as you increasingly learn what fun really is. Some of the stuff you once thought was fun will start to take on a new look and you'll realize 'hey, hang on; this was actually a big damn waste of my life all along!!!". You may grieve the loss of some of that stuff for a while, but as you discover new aspects of life and new pieces of yourself, you will realize you value those so much more deeply.
[QUOTE
Very well said FreeOwl!!
The truth is that you'll have a LOT more fun in sobriety as you increasingly learn what fun really is. Some of the stuff you once thought was fun will start to take on a new look and you'll realize 'hey, hang on; this was actually a big damn waste of my life all along!!!". You may grieve the loss of some of that stuff for a while, but as you discover new aspects of life and new pieces of yourself, you will realize you value those so much more deeply.
[QUOTE
Very well said FreeOwl!!
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Livonia, MI
Posts: 260
Originally Posted by lucygoose
It's really none of their business that I'm not drinking anymore. I don't want concern or pity. Or for them to feel bad about their drinking. Peer pressure sucks.
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