So sad
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 41
So sad
I feel so drained today. I keep trying to be okay with my break up. I keep trying to just understand how my abf can finally get clean and sober and then just dump me out of no where. It was such a blindsided break up and it makes me soo confused and so hurt. It's like after all we've been through in the 6 years I feel like he never really cared about me and he was just lying to me all the times he told me loved me and wanted to spend his life with me. But I guess that's my fault for trusting an addict who was using off and on our whole relationship. I guess I just never expected it to be over when he finally got involved with AA and actually started working his steps. I know I'm not suppose to hate him and just feel okay about it all, but really i don't. I feel confused as hell and I hurt so much inside.
And it's even worst when the people I need the most are my friends and they can't even be supportive to me. I'm just so sick of people!
And I know I'm the only one who can change my feelings and how i react to things, but sometimes I just can't help but feel sad and hurt.
And it's even worst when the people I need the most are my friends and they can't even be supportive to me. I'm just so sick of people!
And I know I'm the only one who can change my feelings and how i react to things, but sometimes I just can't help but feel sad and hurt.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
No one thinks you shouldn't be sad and hurt, or that you're not supposed to be angry or confused. Feelings happen, like sweat when you exercise. You gave, you dreamed, and you lost so you are grieving. It's okay, and it's normal. Most importantly, those feelings will not last forever. Hang in there, hon. It gets better.
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Southern US
Posts: 785
I'm sorry Grace 
Letting go of a relationship is very difficult, maybe even more so when it's not what we wanted. My AH and I are divorcing after 25 years together. It's incredibly painful... but the right thing for both of us. It wasn't totally my choice. I asked him for a 6 month separation. He said that was not an option for him and staying in the same home was not an option for me; therefore, we are divorcing. I have been working through this al-anon book: Opening our Hearts, Transforming our Losses. It is helping me deal with my grief. Aside from that, other things that are helping me are: journaling my feelings, keeping a gratitude or blessings journal, doing special things for myself (like treating myself to lunch and a matinee or just spending a weekend day in my jammies watching movies/reading books), and crying. I carry a small package of kleenex at all times because I never know what may trigger crying. I've also been looking at things I could have/should have done differently and why I did them so that it will hopefully help prevent me from making the same mistakes in future relationships.
On the whys, I felt like my AH was handling the impending divorce better than me and also thought it was because maybe he doesn't/didn't love me like he said he did. I realized that is not necessarily the case. Sometimes, even when we love someone, the relationship is not right for us at that time. My AH and I have always said that we bring the worst out in each other. For us, I think it's the ACOA traits we both have, combined with the usual A/codie traits that make our relationship not healthy.
Be easy on yourself, Grace. Give yourself time. I have hope that it will get easier/better for both of us!
Letting go of a relationship is very difficult, maybe even more so when it's not what we wanted. My AH and I are divorcing after 25 years together. It's incredibly painful... but the right thing for both of us. It wasn't totally my choice. I asked him for a 6 month separation. He said that was not an option for him and staying in the same home was not an option for me; therefore, we are divorcing. I have been working through this al-anon book: Opening our Hearts, Transforming our Losses. It is helping me deal with my grief. Aside from that, other things that are helping me are: journaling my feelings, keeping a gratitude or blessings journal, doing special things for myself (like treating myself to lunch and a matinee or just spending a weekend day in my jammies watching movies/reading books), and crying. I carry a small package of kleenex at all times because I never know what may trigger crying. I've also been looking at things I could have/should have done differently and why I did them so that it will hopefully help prevent me from making the same mistakes in future relationships.On the whys, I felt like my AH was handling the impending divorce better than me and also thought it was because maybe he doesn't/didn't love me like he said he did. I realized that is not necessarily the case. Sometimes, even when we love someone, the relationship is not right for us at that time. My AH and I have always said that we bring the worst out in each other. For us, I think it's the ACOA traits we both have, combined with the usual A/codie traits that make our relationship not healthy.
Be easy on yourself, Grace. Give yourself time. I have hope that it will get easier/better for both of us!
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hello grace,
You have every right to feel the way you do after all that has happened. That hurt and anger and confusion that you feel....it will pass, in time. Sometimes just coming here and writing it all out helps!
S
You have every right to feel the way you do after all that has happened. That hurt and anger and confusion that you feel....it will pass, in time. Sometimes just coming here and writing it all out helps!
S
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 322
If it helps at all, there are quite a few of us here that are in the exact place you are right now, and yes, it hurts brutally. I'm less than a week into the break-up and there are moments that I literally feel as if I can't breathe. I think there are no more tears to cry, yet, there are and they seem to start spilling at the most inappropriate times.
Honey, it's so, so, so hard - but we can't force ourselves into people's lives who choose not to have us there. It does seem so horribly unfair, but I think we need to realize that a current alcoholic (my ex) and a newly recovered alcoholic (yours) aren't on the same level of thinking that we are no matter how much we wish they were. They're just not rational. I have a hard time with this one too - especially tonight.
Honey, it's so, so, so hard - but we can't force ourselves into people's lives who choose not to have us there. It does seem so horribly unfair, but I think we need to realize that a current alcoholic (my ex) and a newly recovered alcoholic (yours) aren't on the same level of thinking that we are no matter how much we wish they were. They're just not rational. I have a hard time with this one too - especially tonight.
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