Step 4 Advice
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
The big book tells you exactly how to do this. Also please consider the following quotes from the big book, emphasis mine:
So the big book says step three is to be followed "at once" as in immediately. So why are you waiting until March to take step 4?
Next we launched out on a course of vigorous action, the first step of which is a personal housecleaning, which many of us had never attempted. Though our decision was vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us. Our liquor was but a symptom. So we had to get down to causes and conditions. Therefore, we started upon a personal inventory. This was Step Four.
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Not quite there yet. Below is the book we are or will be using. I have read it all, but not started.
Our Step Group is not quite there yet.
Sponsor told me -- Get the f-back in line, and wait.
Well, those were not the words he used, but that is what LT. Hammer would have a told a troop who behaves like me.
"But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."
Don’t like waiting, but I shall. Catch up with you in March.
Here is the book we are using.
Blueprint for Progress: Al-Anon's Fourth Step Inventory: Al-Anon Family Groups: 9780910034425: Amazon.com: Books
Kind of funny, $25 and UP -- even USED on Amazon.
$10 at a meeting. So go to a meeting.
You doing an ISM (I Sponsor Myself) thing, or something?
Our Step Group is not quite there yet.
Sponsor told me -- Get the f-back in line, and wait.
Well, those were not the words he used, but that is what LT. Hammer would have a told a troop who behaves like me.
"But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."
Don’t like waiting, but I shall. Catch up with you in March.
Here is the book we are using.
Blueprint for Progress: Al-Anon's Fourth Step Inventory: Al-Anon Family Groups: 9780910034425: Amazon.com: Books
Kind of funny, $25 and UP -- even USED on Amazon.
$10 at a meeting. So go to a meeting.
You doing an ISM (I Sponsor Myself) thing, or something?
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Originally Posted by Taking5 
So the big book says step three is to be followed "at once" as in immediately. So why are you waiting until March to take step 4?
(Yes, I am dogging you, CodeJob).
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
When I took my inventory I just kept dreading it. My step leaders about had to whip me to do it...LOL. However, once I did it I was free! It does truly give you a clean slate and for me, at the end of the day I evaluate if it my inventory is updated, do I have anyone I need to make ammends to, anything I need to add. I don't do it all on paper like I did during my step study, but I try to mentally live out step 4 every day I guess is what I am saying.
Be true to yourself when you do it, go back as far as you possibly can. It is an amazing feeling when you are done.....
Good Luck and God Bless on this wonderful journey you are taking for yourself!
Be true to yourself when you do it, go back as far as you possibly can. It is an amazing feeling when you are done.....
Good Luck and God Bless on this wonderful journey you are taking for yourself!
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 2,884
The group I went to had a 4th step meeting once a month and we were using the Blueprint for progress book. Personally I liked doing the 4 step in a group meeting. In the area where I used to live there were weekly meetings that were 4th step only.
Taking5, AlAnon doesn't use the big book. Believe it or not but it is not conference approved literature.
Hammer, I think you were Army so I have to get my ranks right, I was a jarhead.
Do you know the difference between a PFC (E3 right?) and a 2nd LT?
The PFC has been promoted twice.
Taking5, AlAnon doesn't use the big book. Believe it or not but it is not conference approved literature.
Hammer, I think you were Army so I have to get my ranks right, I was a jarhead.
Do you know the difference between a PFC (E3 right?) and a 2nd LT?
The PFC has been promoted twice.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,778
Originally Posted by Taking5
The big book tells you exactly how to do this. Also please consider the following quotes from the big book, emphasis mine:
So the big book says step three is to be followed "at once" as in immediately. So why are you waiting until March to take step 4?
So the big book says step three is to be followed "at once" as in immediately. So why are you waiting until March to take step 4?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Bklyn. NY
Posts: 1,859
I did a fourth step several different ways. First was with a hazelton guide, then someone gave me a binder full of questions and charts... I read some books on it. What I found was that the way it's presented in the bigbook is actually the simplest, and gets to the root of some things the others didn't. I searched out my flaws (used the 7 deadly sins), did the resentment list as presented in the book, did a sex inventory, a fear inventory, said my prayer accordingly and was done. Took a few day though.
One of the most important things I was told while doing my 4th step, was that if I was having any issue with it, then I still needed to work on step 3. Just about any time I called my sponsor with a questions, he'd tell me, get on your knees, pray about it, and trust that you're being guided to do exactly what you're supposed to do. And writing exactly what you're supposed to be writing. If you don't believe it, then you're not ready and should spend more time on 3.
The other important thing, which was of my own thinking... was that I realized, pretty early on in sobriety actually, that there is nothing to fear in taking an honest look at myself. If I have faults that are getting in my way, they're going to get in my way whether I realize them or not. I wanted to grow. I wanted to feel better. I wanted to not wind up in the same trouble I wound up in before sobriety. I wanted to know everything that was going on with me, and be clear about it all. I knew that that was the only way I was going have any of it healed. I felt like knowledge was power and strength, fear to take an honest look was weakness and denial. We are what we are, whether we're conscious of it or not. And I think we're all better off if we know precicely what that's all about.
One of the most important things I was told while doing my 4th step, was that if I was having any issue with it, then I still needed to work on step 3. Just about any time I called my sponsor with a questions, he'd tell me, get on your knees, pray about it, and trust that you're being guided to do exactly what you're supposed to do. And writing exactly what you're supposed to be writing. If you don't believe it, then you're not ready and should spend more time on 3.
The other important thing, which was of my own thinking... was that I realized, pretty early on in sobriety actually, that there is nothing to fear in taking an honest look at myself. If I have faults that are getting in my way, they're going to get in my way whether I realize them or not. I wanted to grow. I wanted to feel better. I wanted to not wind up in the same trouble I wound up in before sobriety. I wanted to know everything that was going on with me, and be clear about it all. I knew that that was the only way I was going have any of it healed. I felt like knowledge was power and strength, fear to take an honest look was weakness and denial. We are what we are, whether we're conscious of it or not. And I think we're all better off if we know precicely what that's all about.
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Originally Posted by m1k3
The group I went to had a 4th step meeting once a month and we were using the Blueprint for progress book. Personally I liked doing the 4 step in a group meeting. In the area where I used to live there were weekly meetings that were 4th step only.
Taking5, AlAnon doesn't use the big book. Believe it or not but it is not conference approved literature.
Hammer, I think you were Army so I have to get my ranks right, I was a jarhead.
Do you know the difference between a PFC (E3 right?) and a 2nd LT?
The PFC has been promoted twice.
Taking5, AlAnon doesn't use the big book. Believe it or not but it is not conference approved literature.
Hammer, I think you were Army so I have to get my ranks right, I was a jarhead.
Do you know the difference between a PFC (E3 right?) and a 2nd LT?
The PFC has been promoted twice.
Yeah, the Army and Marines both use "Infantry" ranks (instead of the goofy Ensign to Admiral stuff the squids use).
Even worse, I was a troop and then did the O-thing. So I was a know-it-all jackass on boff levels.
Not. Career. Material.
Glad, too. Cleared IRR in March 1999.
DoD hunted back through 2000 for the last Oil Wars.
More jokes --
Q: You know the difference between the Army and the Boy Scouts?
A: The Boy Scouts have Adult Leadership.
==============
Back to the topic at hand -- I get background notes and pokes here when I start the "Conference Approved Literature" mocks.
Some Alanon Groups do a Group Conscience and add the AA Big Book for their group. We are using the AA Big Book as part of our Men's Step Study Group, and so did the Female (yeah, I know) Step Sponsor I had for a week.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
Melody Beattie's book-A Codependent's Guide to the Twelve Steps has a chapter on each step, and the Step Four chapter lists several methods for doing a step 4 inventory- chronological, breaking it down by different areas in your life, the AA way, etc. It seemed like a pretty good selection. I found a copy at my library.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 2,884
One thing that really helped me with my step 4 was journaling. I would set aside time every morning to sit and write, whatever came to mind. Amazing the stuff that came out. For me step 4 wasn't about defects, it was looking at the behaviors I built to protect myself from the alcoholic. Using the step I was able to see how these behaviors may have useful at one time but now were causing harm rather than helping.
Last one Hammer, if you tell the 4 branches of the military to secure a building...
The Marines will destroy it.
The Army will set up a defensive perimeter.
The Navy will paint it.
The Air Force will lease it for 5 years.
Your friend,
Last one Hammer, if you tell the 4 branches of the military to secure a building...
The Marines will destroy it.
The Army will set up a defensive perimeter.
The Navy will paint it.
The Air Force will lease it for 5 years.
Your friend,
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
The step study here might be a good beginning?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-step-4-a.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-step-4-a.html
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Hello Taking5, Thank you for that quote. It is a little funny that your focus is on not stalling out, and mine is on not rushing too fast.
I was not even aware I had made it to Step 3 until I did some personal reflection on where I was in my recovery. I have been wrapped in gray flannel depression most of December and January. I intervened with meds, journaling, and counseling. Very grateful to be feeling more connected with the living now. But I also realized I had finally settled on an understanding and image of my HP and was regularly reaching out to her. I had made some headway spiritually during this gray period. Also I like my T and I think reviewing my inventory with this person might be an option and will help me systematically work through codependent behaviors/manipulations that I am confident will come up. I have been looking for a sponsor, but thus far my home meeting has only sparked one possibility. She was launching an Ala Teen group and was too busy. Since I hope my kid will one day try Ala Teen, I was not too bummed out.
I decided to take the rest of this month putting myself into my HP's pocket each day. This is a whole new concept for a Type A control freak. In the past I did everything I could, THEN I prayed. In fact, I was proud of this life approach. So I decided I needed some further practice on reversing my thought pattern. It is said it takes about 3-4 weeks to make a new habit, so I set February aside to work on trying to be open to the fact that my HP can do more if I just let her go first. Not acting, not plowing ahead, not doing, not fixing are all major behaviors that I am just starting to get a handle on. Building more of a connection with my HP as a daily touch stone seemed like a good effort. It might lelt me get out of her way.
One of my self focusing efforts is running. I am traveling to a half marathon at the end of this month. I plan to revel in this long weekend trip. My running partner for the half has become a wonderful friend and blessing in my life. My running has been an excellent way for me to work out stress, get away, pray,and focus on me. I see my HP in the trees, animals and changing light when I run. Taking care of me and pushing myself to get out there and do my training plan is a good example for my kid. It makes me feel strong, capable and connected. In the past I never would have spoiled myself on such a trip for the expense or the time away from my family. I plan to just live in this weekend and what it symbolizes before taking on Step 4. I plan to read a few books for fun. I plan to journal my gratitude and happiness and the experience! It has been a huge time commitment as I started training last spring. This represents a lot of work on ME!
But I thought it would be nice that I could order a book recommendation or print off some good articles so when March roars in, I can dial back my running mileage for speedwork and focus on my inventory and not dither in how I was going to start off. I was not sure if anyone used the Al Anon inventory workbook here. It is about $30 and I was not sure if it was worth it? Oh a Step 4 meeting? I will have to see if that is available to me. My problem is most of our Al Anon meetings are in the daytime, so I have been a bit limited in dark/icy driving and work/family scheduling to try other meetings.
I look forward to seeing everyone's recommendations later! Many thanks!
I was not even aware I had made it to Step 3 until I did some personal reflection on where I was in my recovery. I have been wrapped in gray flannel depression most of December and January. I intervened with meds, journaling, and counseling. Very grateful to be feeling more connected with the living now. But I also realized I had finally settled on an understanding and image of my HP and was regularly reaching out to her. I had made some headway spiritually during this gray period. Also I like my T and I think reviewing my inventory with this person might be an option and will help me systematically work through codependent behaviors/manipulations that I am confident will come up. I have been looking for a sponsor, but thus far my home meeting has only sparked one possibility. She was launching an Ala Teen group and was too busy. Since I hope my kid will one day try Ala Teen, I was not too bummed out.
I decided to take the rest of this month putting myself into my HP's pocket each day. This is a whole new concept for a Type A control freak. In the past I did everything I could, THEN I prayed. In fact, I was proud of this life approach. So I decided I needed some further practice on reversing my thought pattern. It is said it takes about 3-4 weeks to make a new habit, so I set February aside to work on trying to be open to the fact that my HP can do more if I just let her go first. Not acting, not plowing ahead, not doing, not fixing are all major behaviors that I am just starting to get a handle on. Building more of a connection with my HP as a daily touch stone seemed like a good effort. It might lelt me get out of her way.
One of my self focusing efforts is running. I am traveling to a half marathon at the end of this month. I plan to revel in this long weekend trip. My running partner for the half has become a wonderful friend and blessing in my life. My running has been an excellent way for me to work out stress, get away, pray,and focus on me. I see my HP in the trees, animals and changing light when I run. Taking care of me and pushing myself to get out there and do my training plan is a good example for my kid. It makes me feel strong, capable and connected. In the past I never would have spoiled myself on such a trip for the expense or the time away from my family. I plan to just live in this weekend and what it symbolizes before taking on Step 4. I plan to read a few books for fun. I plan to journal my gratitude and happiness and the experience! It has been a huge time commitment as I started training last spring. This represents a lot of work on ME!
But I thought it would be nice that I could order a book recommendation or print off some good articles so when March roars in, I can dial back my running mileage for speedwork and focus on my inventory and not dither in how I was going to start off. I was not sure if anyone used the Al Anon inventory workbook here. It is about $30 and I was not sure if it was worth it? Oh a Step 4 meeting? I will have to see if that is available to me. My problem is most of our Al Anon meetings are in the daytime, so I have been a bit limited in dark/icy driving and work/family scheduling to try other meetings.
I look forward to seeing everyone's recommendations later! Many thanks!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
I decided to take the rest of this month putting myself into my HP's pocket each day. This is a whole new concept for a Type A control freak. In the past I did everything I could, THEN I prayed. In fact, I was proud of this life approach. So I decided I needed some further practice on reversing my thought pattern. It is said it takes about 3-4 weeks to make a new habit, so I set February aside to work on trying to be open to the fact that my HP can do more if I just let her go first. Not acting, not plowing ahead, not doing, not fixing are all major behaviors that I am just starting to get a handle on. Building more of a connection with my HP as a daily touch stone seemed like a good effort. It might lelt me get out of her way.
Thank you for the reminder that letting God handle things FIRST saves you a lot of work. And worry.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Thanks everyone for all of the suggestions. Ladyscribbler, I will check my library for the Beattie book as I have connected well to 3 of her books. Lillamy, I did use the listings here for steps 1-2. I printed them and journaled most of the reflections. I was a bit worried though as I heard the Al Anon workbook is BIG. I am reading someone's blog who took 4 months to get through it, so I realize this step takes time, reflection and dedication. Also I want to be sure I use a method acceptable in case I do connect with a sponsor. Though I suspect a fair amount of it will be fodder for T and I like how he ferrets more out of me with questions... Bald bugger is smart and makes me see what I am doing well and where I am still twisting in the wind.
M1K3, my T has me journaling and it is already helping me with my mood. That is a blessing as then I can stay on the lowest dose of antidepressant.
Joe Nerv, you are absolutely right. Thank you for posting and the reassurance you have given me.
M1K3, my T has me journaling and it is already helping me with my mood. That is a blessing as then I can stay on the lowest dose of antidepressant.
Joe Nerv, you are absolutely right. Thank you for posting and the reassurance you have given me.
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