Toodie

It happened.... i relapsed after my gf pissed me off. Was 10 days sober with the help of SR.

Where am i at now? BINGING...I've been frickin binging every since! At work now, and I've been drinking on my break... Not to mention the couple of shots before left home this morning. Trying my best to stay away from coworkers at the moment, but finishing my bottle off next break.

What i hate most about being an alcoholic.... My appearance. Not to brag, but i used to be one sexy beast. Now? Hahahaaa! Fat face, uneven skin tone, gained 30 lbs, hair is ridiculously thin, nails brittle. Ultimately I feel.... "Blah."

What i don't understand.... why the heck can't I just stop? Once, and for good.

Next step.... trying again. Yes, for the millionth and one time. This time quitting alcohol, cigs, exercising daily, and also eating healthier.

What I'm scared of... failing... can I beat this monster that's been holding me back in life? I surely hope so. Sighs.

Well.... these are my confessions. Feel free to share your input. Oh, I'm starting over again Monday. Preparing myself this time.

TexasMichael

Welcome to SR Toodie.

You are on the right track, you just need to adjust your thinking.

Anything that happens in life can be used as an excuse to drink (ie: "my gf pissed me off"). That's diverting the problem from the source, which is you, not your girlfriend.

Good or bad any activity can be looked at as a reason to drink, or a reason to stay sober.

What is wrong with stopping today? By next Tuesday you will find an excuse to reset the date again.

The choice is yours. The longer you wait for true sobriety the harder it is to achieve and the more damage you do to your body, mind, and spirit.

Good Luck.

SeaScape

Alcoholism/substance abuse is one nasty beast...it grabs hold of you physically and mentally. It's the mental component that breaks me - that has made me say no more.
Try hard for yourself and try to recognize what 'drives you drink.' I try hard to avoid any of those drivers!

Feel better and start sooner rather than later!

FreeOwl

you've opened the door to changing this, just by owning up to the problem and voicing a desire to get off the mad merry-go-round of despair.....

The more it turns, the worse it gets.

You asked "why the heck can't I just stop.."?

We've all asked that at some point. Often at many, many points. The answer is - because you're an alcoholic. "Just stopping" won't ever work.

You have to choose sobriety and that is a lot more than just "stopping drinking".

Start exploring support and active sobriety. I heartily advocate AA. It's working for me. It's been a part of peeling back the layers and understanding HOW to live sober after a long lifetime of living with alcohol as an unhealthy companion.

If you just try to "stop" and you're not taking steps to live in active sobriety... making changes... working on it.....

Well, you already know what happens.

Welcome. I wish you strength and acceptance and readiness to move on in sobriety. We're here for ya.

KateL

It's horrible when you are in the middle of a binge and have to drink at work. I hope you can kick this thing, don't give up trying xxx

least

I hope you're not driving home after drinking all day.

Carlotta

Why wait till Monday? By that time the way you are going, you might end up both single and unemployed.

ErikT

Yes....why are you waiting until Monday??? Its only Tuesday. Are you saying that you plan on drinking until next Monday? And I REALLY hope you aren't on a company computer. Most companies now a days have the ability to track what you are doing on your work computer. Maybe you need to stop...BEFORE next break and seek medical help. And also...please tell me you aren't driving home after drinking at work all day...

ErikT

Or God forbid....dead....

ErikT

I lost my job in 2003 because I was caught drunk at work....do you really think you can get away with drinking at work today....tomorrow...and Thursday and Friday without...

A: Not getting caught
B: Not getting pulled over
and C: Still be able to just 'quit' on Monday?

Dee74

Some great advice here Toodie.

I had to take drinking off the table as an option...

hard day at work...find other ways to wind down...chilling with my friends...remember where one drink can lead you...maybe find other ways to hang out, or make new friends?...my gf bugs me..find other ways to deal with that annoyance and frustration..

no, it's not easy...but it's easier with support...and it's the way out of the cycle and into recovery

D

ErikT

So....are you planning on driving home?

ErikT

and just food for thought.....when I was caught drunk at work....my boss told me that had I come to him being honest about my problem...the company would have helped me getting me help. I lost my job because I was caught before I went to my boss...

Toodie

Thanks for all the input.I've decided to stop today. Hungover, late for work, thirsty, exhausted.
I. Can not do this anymore. I need help.

FreeOwl

start today Toodie....

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llastchance8

Great . You have decided to stop today. Take one day at a time.. In my case, the resolution to stop , was very strong in the morning due to hang over from previous night heavy drinking .. However , as the day progressed and hang over was clearing, I used to think, may be , tonight , I can try to have only half of the quantity of my usual consumption.. That never happened for weeks ,months and years. I kept on drinking heavy amounts for years. I would suggest that you keep reading this post frequently during the day. Read your own post, whenever , you start to crave for the drink , at later part of the day. Do it for just today. Get over with today by not drinking just for today . You will deal with tomorrow, when tomorrow comes.

But the most important, if you have been drinking heavily for very long period, going cold turkey can be dangerous. Seek medical advice for safe Detox.

Toodie

I'm fine as far as not drinking. No major withdrawals. I am doing one thing different though. Going to try AA. I really need to learn how to live sober.

Benedict

Quit now. Really. You're so much out of control right now and the only way to gain control back is by quitting. You sound like you're spiraling out of control more and more and that only ends in disaster in some form or another.

You mention fear of failing. Why not fear the failing and quit anyway? Maybe you'll fail at times, maybe not. The key is in getting back on track as soon as possible.

I relapsed yesterday and have picked up being sober again. Did I fail? I suppose so. Is it something to be afraid of? No. As long as you get back on track.

SoberMama13

Admitting I needed help and getting said help was the hardest thing I ever did. Sobbing on the phone.....
Thanks for admitting it.
Now, go get it.
Don't worry about money, or what other people think, or your gf.....
This is about you now. You've taken ownership.

Nonsensical

Whether you find recovery with AA or some other way, you are likely to be doing quite a lot of things differently.

Best of Luck on Your Journey.