12mancan

So, I went to the bar with the guys last night after work. Had 3 beers and came home. I didn't miss any family time as my wife was still out with the kid and her step mom when I got home, I didn't feel drunk at all. I actually felt very good, proud of myself that I came home (everyone else stayed at the bar for more). Everything was fine until I got a kiss hello from my wife. She got really mad at me and wouldn't even talk about it. I got so mad (not verbally or physically mind you, just in my own head) that to prove a point, I went out and grabbed a 6 pack and proceeded to get drunk to 'show her'.

So stupid! I'm really mad at her this morning and even more angry with myself. I know that she didn't make me drink, I don't blame her for that at all. What's worse right now is that I don't feel like I did anything wrong (until she got mad at which point I certainly deserve it now), I know for a fact that if she hadn't gotten upset, everything would be ok. I have spoken to her about my goals and I met those goals last night, I came home completely in control, I said no to more drinks, I didn't miss family time because they weren't home, I accomplished everything I have set out to do... and then WHAM.... What's more frustrating right now is I'm not an angry person, I rarely get mad about anything, but I'm sure pissed off this morning.... sorry for the rant!

Skye2

Drinking AT someone - only hurts you in the long run as you're finding out

MamaGoat

She must not be on the same page as you are as far as your goals are concerned. Sounds like she doesn't think you should drink at all. I wouldn't have talked about it either since you had already been drinking.

Woohoo

I'll show you..I will hurt me! It never works..I hope you can come to peace today. All anger is based on fear. I hope you both can work it out and communicate that always helps..Good luck

huntingtontx

Think she has had enough of you drinking. That you did not get drunk the first time still does not make her feel safe. If you have put up with a drunk you are not soon to want to do it again. Even though you met your first goal, you still got drunk. Not what a normal drinker would do. You just proved her right. If you read the posts most of us can drink normal every now and again, just not all the time. I hope it all works out for you.

ScottFromWI

I'd agree that you need to redefine your goals regarding your drinking. If your goal is to quit completely, as it was week or so ago, then you need to figure out a plan to attain that goal. Hanging out in bars is generally not condusive to sobriety, and i'm guessing that's part of the reason your wife was angry, think of it from her view for a minute.

12mancan

Thanks guys, glad you're all here! We definitely need to figure out how to get on the same page with the drinking... been thinking about this all morning, why am I so mad at her... I feel like she doesn't have that much to complain about, things are pretty damn good in our life. Maybe it's because I feel like I keep having to change to make sure she feels comfortable... I feel like my entire focus (we just had our first baby a month ago) has been making sure that she feels 'taken care of', that I'm changing everything about my life to suit her.... if that makes sense, I'm working, I come home and the house is a mess, I take the baby the moment I get home so she can get a break, I still do about 50% of the housework, I agreed to her mom staying with us because she lives out of state for one month... it's been two now and she's still here (and she is NO help, I've never seen anyone like her... she gets up around 2, takes a two hour nap at 4... it's literally another person to take care of).... Nothing feels like enough right now...

I'm not trying to get myself off the hook for drinking last night, I hope it's not coming across that way. Me turning to alcohol when I got upset is why I'm here and what I'm working on. But man oh man, just so mad this morning...

Thanks all for the words of wisdom and the space to vent!

doggonecarl

I'm sorry, when did your goal to quit drinking change back to moderate. You posted this back on 1/21:

"The realization that moderation doesn't work for me has led me to make the decision to quite entirely..."

So I guess that's why she is mad, and probably why you are mad, because you are dissappointed that you are struggling.

I found it easier to quit than pretend I could control my drinking.

12mancan

Thank you Carl, Scott mentioned that as well and you guys are right, somehow I lost sight of my over all goal there and I'm definitely angry at myself for that. God this sucks!

Nonsensical

Breathtakingly poor decision making - the hallmark of addiction.
I think the point has been made.

Best of Luck on Your Journey!