Sydney1988

I don't want to push her away. But I do want to deal with this. I'm pretty drunk right now, I wan't to get better. But I feel like she's pressuring me. How do I say back off without being a dick? Is it possible? I want to do this but I don't wan't to be forced into it. Does that make sense?

Dee74

are you living with your mum Sydney?

D

Dee74

she's probably worried about you - most parents would be if you've been drinking so much you're starting to get sick?

D

PaulinaPolitely

Maybe just reassure her about exactly where you are. I think what you said tells a whole bunch. You are in the contemplation phase, thinking about the problem and acknowledging that there is an issue.

Your honesty is best, imo, and let her know you are working on it.

You want to get better. :-)

You can do it! There are lots of people here to help you on the way.

SixStringZen

This is a great site for recovery, so you're more likely to get advice on how to quit than how to drink in peace.

1newcreation

Howdy! As D asked, if your under her roof then you don't have much to complain about IMO Get your own diggs if you can. Plus she's probably concerned about you're health. If alc is an issue, try gettin some help eg aa. If its not what you want then leave it

Sydney1988

Thanks all. I guess the underlying point behind this is that I don't know how to talk to her about my drinking. I haven't yet acknowledged my problem with anyone in the real world and I don't know how to speak to people about it. It's not that I want to drink in peace. I do want to recover, but I'm still uncomfortable about addressing the problem in reality. Especially to someone who I'm so close with and who is important in my life.

Dee74

If you're still living living at home, I don't think you can avoid that conversation..
If you live on your own, I still think most mothers will say something.

Are you scared that if you speak about it, your mum becomes involved, and the problem becomes real....and then you have to do something about it?

D

Sydney1988

I'm at home. I've just moved back from overseas. My main reason for coming back to Sydney (although I haven't admitted this to anyone) was to deal with this issue. So while I recognise that the problem is real, talking about it to someone who is so close to me is another thing. It's another step and it's making me feel... uncomfortable?

TigerLili

Steps towards sobriety will be uncomfortable. It's not your usual behaviour or comfort zone so some discomfort is to be expected. Having said that though, I'd rather eat a skunk than talk to my mother about anything personal, let alone my alcoholism. I feel for you.

Welcome to SR. There is lots of support and good advice here. Stick around :-)

PurpleKnight

Best saying very little when drunk. wait till your Sober, especially as you say she's important in your life as sometimes things can be said/done that we'll later regret.

TBH I didn't open up to many people about my drinking either, it was just one of those things that some family members (parents/siblings) concerned about now and again, but never really had a talk about it.

The main thing I imagine was concern for my health/life and probably gained some reassurance from seeing some changes in my lifestyle, again without saying very much.
The main thing I imagine was concern for my health/life and probably gained some reassurnace from seeing some changes in my lifestyle, again without saying very much.

FreeOwl

Boy.... Sydney is a tough place to go for dealing with an alcohol problem!!!



But seriously.... I know what you mean I think. Even though my Mom knows about my alcohol issues probably more closely than anyone else, and even though I'm in sobriety now and actively working it, and even though she loves me and I know she supports me more fully and deeply than anyone - I still have a hard time talking to her about it. I think it's because I know that I've hurt her and I know that my behavior and actions in alcoholism have scared her and I have guilt and shame and don't like feeling like I'm not her little boy hero man.

I have found that it is easier to communicate with her about it all in writing. I use email a lot to share some of what's going on for me, what I'm learning, the actions I'm taking.... it somehow takes away the layer of fear or resistance that I get bound up with in trying to talk with her face to face. I hope over time I will move beyond that and perhaps this is all part of my journey of coming to terms with my recovery and making amends and moving on.

But, for now, that has helped and it has also helped her greatly I believe. It's important for her to know. I've shared some things with her too about how certain things make me uncomfortable in the way she approaches me or talks to me about recovery. Not to ask her to change - but to let her know what's been triggering my feelings of shame or guilt or brokenness and how I interpret things with my own 'filter' so that she has a better appreciation of my reactions at times.

Maybe a letter or email might be an avenue for you at some point. The fact you're on here asking about it shows you care.... so maybe right now it's about finding a way to connect and communicate that helps fill her need to know where you are and how you're doing, while balancing your need for a little space as you work this out for yourself.

good luck, I know it's not easy.

thatcat

You could also direct her to this thread and let her read what you and others have said here. I know how uncomfortable taking the step into "reality" is ... My mom and I aren't big talkers, so it was weird at first .... but she is my biggest supporter, and I'll bet yours will be too. Good luck, and please keep coming back and posting!

jazzfish

I didn't want to share with my wife about my problem mainly because that would have involved some sort of decision and commitment on my part. I wanted to keep my options open. I did tell her and it relieved a lot of stress in my dealing with my alcoholism, although it was no replacement for my own efforts. I am still struggling, but as hopelessly cliched as it sounds, I do feel I am getting clarity in effort and direction - that I am getting closer.

Sydney1988

Um. Hello? Are we related? I feel like what you're talking about is exactly how I feel. In two respects. I don't want to let her down (little hero boy) and writing is so much easier. We texted this evening. From the same house. Kinda sad in one respect but much easier to say what we both wanted to say. It's not the last discussion, and I'm sure it's not the hardest one to come. But it's happened. And it's opened the door for more discussion.

Sydney1988

And btw. Good for you! I hope I can get the strength to open up like you have.

flutter

Probably the absolute most difficult conversations in my recovery were with people that love me. I think they mean well, but aren't able to stay unbiased with all the love and concern they are feeling. I never really have had a full on conversation with my parents, or my husband, especially not when I was still drinking. I think if you back up, worry about yourself, quit drinking, get some help, your actions will speak louder than any words you could use.

Sydney1988

I'm about to go to dinner with my mum. I don't want to bring it up, but on the other hand I kinda want to address it. I want to let her know that I'm seeing a dr tomorrow, but I don't want that to increase the drama. Any thoughts?

Dee74

Only you know what kind of relationship you have with your mum Sydney.

I like what flutter said tho 'I think if you back up, worry about yourself, quit drinking, get some help, your actions will speak louder than any words you could use'

It's your action plan thats important here, rather than what you might or might not say tonight?

D

Sydney1988

I think if it comes up I might tell her about my plan for tomorrow. But maybe not bring it up otherwise.