Jtoddblack90

This is my first time to ever post anything on a forum, but here it goes. This past November I celebrated 2 years being clean and sober. My first year out of rehab I spent trying to figure out this new life I was living and trying to fit back in. The second year was great. I really accepted that I was an addict and knew without a doubt I could never go back to that life, nor did I ever want to. But now I am here and the urge to use or drink is so overwhelming I feel like I can't even function. I feel like I can't do this anymore. It's so much harder to stay sober when I feel so exhausted, mentally and physically. I find myself not wanting to talk to my true friends, yet wondering what my old friends are up to and how they seem to be having fun. I feel like my mouth is watering and just the thought of a drink or the thought of getting high. Feeling emotions is the hardest thing to do being sober. The raw emotions of anger, frustration, and sadness sometimes are just too much to bear. I absolutely hate being an addict.

zerothehero

Keep writing. Draw. Create. Work if you have to. Walk. Do crunches. Meditate. Play a game. Hug someone if you can, and ask them to help you get through this.

Thoughts and emotions come and go. Only you know what you went through before, during, and immediately after rehab. Remember that.

zerothehero

Maybe go to the gratitude threads and post some positive thoughts. Read what people have written there. It's easy to get stuck in the negativity. I'm working on getting stuck in positivity. There's a balance of both. What do we want to focus on?

zerothehero

Welcome, by the way. This place is full of loving people who have helped me out considerably.

Aellyce

Welcome to SR, Jtoddblack90! This is a great safe place with lots of support, please "take a comfortable seat" and look around! There are many people here who know how you feel, me included

30yrdrunk

Don't give in. There are many folks on here with a lot of sober time. This may be your addictive voice's last stand.

ElijahNoahColt

I found that I'm a lot more emotional right now too. A lot of suppressed feelings and things that I just brushed under the rug surface now but it doesn't have to be a negative thing. I tell my parents I love them every day and I hug them a lot more whereas I previously never even spoke to them. Embrace the good things that come from that, tell people that you care about how much they mean to me. It might seem out of the blue but they'll definitely appreciate it.

My thoughts are with you Jtoddblack90
Best Wishes and stay strong, two years is quite incredible!
~ENC

Dee74

Hi Jtoddblack - Welcome to SR

I think support really helps - reading about other peoples stories and remembering what it was really like and why you stopped is helpful too, so I'm glad you found us.

I made a lot of changes in my life in order to stay sober - what kind of changes have you made that way?

D

zerothehero

The Kid is wise.

Jtoddblack90

Thank you all so much. It's nice to know I'm not alone. I think I'm just stuck in one of those places where I'm surrounded by great support but also surrounded by people who have no clue what I'm going through. Most think I went to rehab and now it's time to move on and I'm cured. I just feel I'm giving myself to everyone and now I'm just drained.
I appreciate everyone's responses.

graceandbeauty0

That must be hard feeling that way. Why don't u try a meeting or call your sponsor if you have one, and if you don't maybe it would be something to consider for you to get one. Hope you do well. God bless

silentrun

Congratulations on 2 years. You said the second year was great. I would love to hear what changes in the 2nd year because I have heard this before and I haven't hit that yet.

1newcreation

Glad to have you
PLEASE don't throw away 2yrs of sweat & tears just coz of emotions. Rem feelings are not facts. Contacted sponsor or network? What step are we workin on today?
If evthg in life was always happy, I wouldn't know where I'm @

escapist

Sometimes I have to make it real simple. Like I will say out loud ," I will never drink again." Sometimes my mind will respond with an," Ouch" I know I am in a little trouble when that happens. I catch my self feeling sorry for myself. " Why me?" stuff.
I remember what I had become when I was using. It was repulsive. I grab that repulsiveness and hold it for a bit.
I stay sober and I keep moving. Feelings change. You aren't going to always feel the way you do now so don't do anything destructive to yourself.

Jtoddblack90

I don't want to lose the 2 years I have. I feel bad complaining when I see and read others just starting out. Hopefully it's just a bad couple of days and things will get better. The last 2 weeks have been difficult ones and maybe today I just didn't want to fight anymore. I think I just needed to know there are other people out there fighting this fight. Sometimes I just feel like I'm the only one. Thanks again everyone.

least

You can always come here for support. SR is always open and there's always someone here to talk to.