cusper

I have been sober since the end of Nov '13. I've stopped counting days/weeks and it doesn't feel like a long time ago that I was drinking. I am having a very difficult time this week. I really feel like there are days when I am going crazy. This week I officially stopped caffeine and refined sugar and I felt like my head was going to explode. In fact if I am not on the verge of losing my temper I feel oddly numb and removed. I just had no idea how badly I'd abused my body until I basically got sober and started reading up on all of the things I have been ingesting. This week has felt like a whole other version of withdrawal.... I am looking forward to the day when I feel just clean and clear.
I honestly feel stupider (ha ha if that is even a word) than I did before I quit all of these addictive substances. My concentration is off, I am feeling self conscious.. Don't get me wrong I definitely feel stronger physically than I did before but mentally I often feel like my brain is missing many many connections now that I used to take for granted. I really feel like this process is one step forward, X steps back. I really want to get better. And then I go and have a melt down and I think I worry my husband because he sees this process I am going through and I know I am difficult to love right now.

Dee74

It took me a while to feel my brain was back to working order (granted my experience was exacerbated by several mini strokes)...but faculties do come back - have faith and be patient Cusper

I found that stopping things like caffeine and sugar all at once were too much for me - I needed to do it gradually.

D

zerothehero

It's not funny, but I had to laugh. I quit coffee last weekend, and tried to quit refined sugar but slipped two days running. I swear it's harder than booze.

zerothehero

A few days ago I wrote about my head feeling like it would explode. The feeling passed. You can and will ride it out. Ups and downs, as you surely know.

escapist

Your thinking is a lot clearer than you give yourself credit for. You described your mental state quite adequately. I know how you feel. I have not had a drink since October 2012 and I still have times when my thinking is spacey. It does make one irritable. You are not going backwards. Every day sober is a step forward.

cusper

Thank you for your responses, Dee, I know that I was just replacing booze with caffeine and sugar... I was eating and drinking copious amounts of it so one wasn't enough with those either. I was actually getting up in the middle of the night and shovelling chocolate.
How are you doing Zero, without the coffee? are the withdrawal symptoms dissipating?
And thank you escapist I think I needed to hear that, I feel really like I am in unfamiliar territory mentally.

silentrun

I had a lot of that. Feeling like you are riding in a car that either someone is hitting the accelerator or slamming on the brakes and you are being thrown all around. For me when that was going on it was actually my brain coming back online.

cusper

silent that is a great way of putting it.