kluhs

do you think you never really accepted that quitting was forever? or did you think just this once? or i got this beat and i can handle a drink? or was it something completely situational? or something else?

sugarbear1

this is something the person who relapses must become honest with themselves about.

Dee74

Hi Kluhs

I returned to drinking many times for just those reasons.

I'd also add

* throwing a temper tantrum at having to work so hard to be sober,
* and continually finding things - people events or feelings - bad enough to drink over,
* and never thinking about alternative strategies to deal with those problems - when you only have one tool, that's the tool you'll use.

D

kluhs

sorry was asking because i once quit for 2 years and then was sitting on a dock with a fire and some buddies and thought, boy a beer would be nice right now and just like that was back in the game ... i guess i never really thought back then that i could not ever take a drink again, but now that's what i know ... so wondering if i will one day in weeks, months or even longer, i will feel like a drink and forget just how bad an idea that would be

Dee74

All I can tell you is I've worked hard, and regularly, at my recovery and I've been sober for nearly seven years now, Kluhs

D

alexc1991

Some people think they can moderately drink, only to fail and realize they cannot, thus, going back to being sober (hopefully). And others just break down, even after several months or years. It can be situational, or it can be something you do completely on your own.

HopeSho

I understand how you feel. It's kind of like "time heals all wounds". You forget how bad things were/felt as time goes on and it can be dangerous to someone recovering from addiction. I quit for a couple periods of 10 months in the past 10 years and it takes no time to go back to the drinking to get drunk every single time. Maybe keep a journal of all the bad stuff you did/felt when you were drinking and read it again when you have the urge to give it another go...

EternalQ

Personally, I think the trick is to plan for the inevitable triggers and cravings before they come.... instead of planning for a relapse.

It is inevitable you will have thoughts. The perfect storm of circumstance and vulnerability will come. It is what you do when that happens that matters.

zerothehero

In the past I didn't consider quitting forever, so I never really considered starting again a "relapse." I tried to practice moderation for 40 years, though in my early years I didn't think of it that way. I really wasn't a big drinker back then. But as the years rolled on I found myself drinking to excess more often, and I would take occasional "breaks" from alcohol. One year I even said, "I'm gonna go a year without alcohol," and just did it. That was 20 years ago. Friends now think I'm on a break, but it's for good this time. My last detox was a nightmare. I plan to make this break last 'til I die.

I think mindfulness training will be key. I don't want to unconsciously or accidentally start drinking again. I am now and forever vigilant to recognize my AV and explain it away. Every time I took a break and went back to it the process accelerated. At first it would take months before I was drinking as much as I was before stopping, then it was weeks, then days. And every time I drank more and more often. Life these last couple of years threw me a lot of curve balls, and I tried to drown a lot of grief, anger, confusion, frustration, and disappointment. No more. People died, dreams died (at least temporarily), and I've been trying to numb a considerable burden of physical and psychological pain. I'm staring it all down now, and I'm not saying it's easy, but I'm alive, and I feel more alive now than I have for a long, long time.

So, know your triggers, know your AV, know your seasons (my real test will be late spring early summer - when I usually ended breaks - when my mom died - when I often got this sense that the weather is beautiful but I'm not feeling so beautiful - when party season revives after the post winter holiday doldrums - when my neighbor molested me age seven - when that car wreck changed my body from young man to old in a nanosecond).

When I drink I think like a victim. I refuse to be that victim anymore. I'm stronger and better and smarter than that - when I'm sober.

30yrdrunk

ZTH,


Thank you for your story. It was meaningful to me. I am 8 weeks sober after 30 yrs of binge drinking. Started drinking at an early age and it has dictated certain aspects of my life. Finally, trying to figure out who I am. I managed to get by; but I've never lived up to my full potential. I've been so selfish.

TC

escapist

I went back to drinking because it was easier than actually doing something about my situation. I thought I could just sneak a few drinks and it would make it easier to live my difficult life. I was a really really dumb. It cost me four years and aged me. I still have the difficult life. Drinking did not improve a thing.

joshlyman

I've had 3 relapses since starting my journey last August. Two were a result of my convincing myself that I could "moderate" even though I knew that I could not (nor did I want to). I used it as an excuse-I wanted to drink, plain and simple. The other relapse was my nastiest and most recent one and it happened because I momentarily gave up on myself and decided to quit being sober.

1newcreation

So whats happening different now w/ knowledge from the past after 2 yrs of sobriety & slipping? The forums are full of folks falling off the wagon coz of frustration, anger, loss, experimentation & r&d etc only to return essentially saying in a few words its not worth it

ElijahNoahColt

I think that you have to make mistakes to learn from them. You never really know your limits until you've gone past them.

I tried to quit drinking a lot and kept making 'rules' for myself:

- I'll only drink socially, when I'm out with friends
- I'll only drink at parties
- I'll only drink beer and not spirits

Basically I kept doing this and really struggling and eventually went back to the lifestyle I didn't want to lead but I never would have discovered that I actually can't drink again unless I made these mistakes. You can always learn from your mistakes and I sometimes think that I can have one drink and keep it at only one but when I'm really honest with myself I know it's a bad idea. Only you know what you can and can't do but most people in our situations cannot drink any more.

Best Wishes
~ENC

MythOfSisyphus

I think you've answered your own question. People who aren't alcoholics don't spend much time thinking about how long it's been since they're drank, or when they might drink again, or how much. Normal people have normal relationships to booze, but we don't.

Odds are good that if you drink again you will keep drinking. There are people who quit for 20 years, then start again thinking surely I can't still be an alcoholic. Well, sorry to say it but no amount of time will change the facts. If you ever start again it will quickly escalate, and probably be worse than before.

FeelingGreat

Hi khuls, your brain has now been hardwired to drink, and no matter how long you've been sober there will be times when your AV pops up and suggests a drink would be nice. I think the period where you've got over the initial cravings/withdrawl is the most dangerous. You've 'forgotten' the damage caused by drinking, and your AV presents you with all sorts of reasons why it's safe to start again.
Expect your AV to pipe up, and you'll be ready to resist it. Once you've successfully chased it away a few times you become much more confident that you can stay sober.

SnoozyQ

For me ..there is no middle of the road ....

I can never drink again.

Good luck khuls xx

Mags1

Hi kluhs, I've not been sober that long but it is something I have to work at.

I could so easily pick up again but I remind myself and go through the guilt/regrets/hangover scenarios.

Basically, I've told myself I do not drink alcohol and that is that. Easier said than done but as I said, I have to work at it.

One point though, it does get easier. But like the thief in the night, we lock our doors in preperation, it might never happen, but if it does we are ready.

ReadyAtLast

I quit for a few weeks then went back -unexpectedly. I just thought I was ok, Id quit once I could do it again. I soon learned it's not that easy. Also, I'd not learned proper coping skills and good ways of dealing with unexpected cravings

cardealer

I,ve done 17 months sober changed my job and have started drinking again,going to be strong and go sober again,i,m a bit dissapointed with myself.