livingnewday

hi there, I have come out of a long period of recovery and starting to get my life back. At the worst of my time I had a partner of 5years that I loved dearly but the depression and anxiety I was going through during my recovery made me push them away and we drifted apart. Recently I've realized that I caused them so much pain and am truly sorry. I have called them to apologize and they accepted. however, We are no longer together. I also realized that this rough time wasn't easy on his parents. I would like to call them too, just to say I didn't mean to cause so much pain to their son for what I was going through and just want to sincerely say I'm sorry...
Is this a bad idea? I feel like I need to make amends with them too.
thoughts and advice appreciated

KateL

I found it easier to write letters x

Dee74

Hi livingnewday

It depends on where you are in your recovery I think. If you're only recently sober, it may be best to leave it for a while until you're more secure.

It also depends on who well you know these people, your history with them, and their attitude towards you, I think.

Sometimes trying to make some kind of amends can actually be painful for one or both of the parties, & make things worse, not better?

D

Anna

I would also add that making amends is not usually about making 'you' feel better, but is about the other person. So, for me, I had to give that kind of thing a lot of thought.

HeartsAfire

To piggy back off of this, the hardest lesson in making amends for me was about letting go of any & all expectations associated with them. That is tough. When I was honestly & truly ready for that then I knew it was time.

As I believe someone already pointed out, some people aren't safe to make amends to. For those people I put into practice the 40 day forgiveness prayer. If you're interested, I'll post the link that explains it.

Good luck with your decision.

tomsteve

thers a difference between making amends and saying im sorry.
amends-to compensate, as for an injury, loss, or insult

im sorry-feeling regret, compunction, sympathy, pity, etc.:
so, amends is an action and sorry is a feeling.
how many times I told people I was sorry for what I did only to hear,"yes you are" or something like that( usually not so polite).
so I learned that goin to people, explaining the nature of my wrongs and what I have done to correct it worked a LOT better.

so, IMO, saying im sorry=not good. making amends=good.

tomsteve

this too. definitely.

least

I would do it via letter, not phone call, and not if it might hurt them.

valueadded

Could you please post the 40 day forgiveness prayer?

Dee74

welcome valueadded

I have no idea what that is, sorry?
D

HeartsAfire

40-Days to Real Forgiveness, My Story Using J. Everett Irion’s Wisdom | Notes Along the Path

Hope it helps. As I said, it was incredibly healing for me. It's helpful for people who have passed, you're estranged from or maybe they just aren't safe. Also, don't forget to do it for yourself too. I had a ton of inner child work to do so I did it for her.

livingnewday

Thanks all, this has been really helpful for me.