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Old 06-21-2004, 02:29 PM
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Unhappy new member-

i have my first aa/na meeting tonight. ihave never been before and im not sure if i can even do it. i have been using for two or three years ( i think more like three) i od'ed on heroine last year and took a few weeks off, but i didnt change. i just changed my drug of choice. i had a heart attack on saturday from shooting too much coke. i know its time to stop using. i feel like total **** and have been having panic attacks all day. i feel like im going to die. i just wantto know that everything is going to be ok. i want to know im not going to pick up a needle again. im 21. im too young to die. i dont want my son to grow up with out a mother like i did.
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Old 06-21-2004, 02:55 PM
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the girl can't help it
 
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Mansruin,

Welcome to sober recovery!!(((((((((((((((((((BIG HUG)))))))))))))))))) to you. I am hoping and praying that you make that meeting!! Try to get yourself there it will be a tremendous step forward for you to go. Also, it seems like you could use a little medical assistance. It sounds like you need to see a doctor who is experienced with dealing with addiction as soon as you can.
We are here for you and we understand. Please take care of yourself. I am sure your son wants to keep his mommy in his life. Do it for YOU and him.
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Old 06-21-2004, 03:10 PM
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Dan
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i just wantto know that everything is going to be ok. i want to know im not going to pick up a needle again. im 21. im too young to die.
Welcome to SR. And welcome to AA and NA. You're just in time to give yourself and your son a life you could not have imagined just a few days ago. Everything is going to be Ok, but you have some work to do. First thing is to make that meeting. At all costs. Bunch of other addicts and alcoholics there waiting to show you how to never, ever pick up a needle again. It's called a program of recovery. It means you have to be honest with everyone, including yourself from this moment on. It means you're going to start hanging out at meetings and getting phone numbers and building yourself a support circle. It also means that you're going to start living life in 24 hour slices. It's all we can manage as addicts.
Yep. 21 is way too young to die. The program of AA and NA is a program for living. I'm glad you're going to find that out tonight.
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Old 06-21-2004, 03:16 PM
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(((((((((((huggys)))))))) and welcome to SR. Yes, 21 is too young to die! I'm glad your going to a meeting,but I would also like to suggest to go see a doctor. Posting here is a great way to have an outlet and get support. I too had a scare when I was young with too much coke. Not a nice feeling at all! I try and live by the 24 hour slice,it makes things much easier to manage.
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Old 06-21-2004, 04:43 PM
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Hi Mansruin.....welcome aboard
Addiction is a tough thing to overcome and it is a proven fact that people who get involved in a support group (AA,NA) have a better chance of getting and staying sober. People need each other and addicts seem to need one another more than the average person.
Checking with your Doctor is very sound advise.
Please continue to comminicate with all th efolks here at SR, myself included.
We are in the same boat and know what it takes to heal and continue to get well.
You and your baby are in my prayers.
GO TO THE MEETING PLEASE!
Kellie (alkie)
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Old 06-21-2004, 05:16 PM
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Hi Mansruin,

Welcome. I'm glad you found us and that you are looking for help for yourself. You've come to a place where you can get support and understanding. It will be ok for sure, but as Dan said, you've got to do some work. Take it slow and don't get overwhelmed. Keep posting!

Love, Anna
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Old 06-21-2004, 05:23 PM
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Everything is going to be ok...really.

The "normal" chemicals in your body are rebounding from the absence of narcotics. As this occurs, they sometimes over-shoot their normal levels and some anxiety occurs. If this persists for longer than what is comfortable or seems normal for you, you might consider some professional help. Anxiety is a very treatable condition.

Please go to NA meetings, get a sponsor and work the steps. If this is not enough, get a therapist as well. You can put as many resources to work on your addiction as seems necessary. Just don't give up and go back to using - add another resource instead.

You can do it - but you can't do it alone. Immerse yourself in recovery and surround yourself with recovering addicts. That is how your not going to pick up a needle again. Good luck.
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Old 06-22-2004, 08:08 AM
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i went to the aa meeting last night and met a bunch of great people. i told them my piece and they all listened. im not used to that. i got a schedule of meetings and im going to keep going. thank you all for your support. i went to a friends house after the meeting just to talk. she offered me a beer. i guess i need to figure out who my real friends are. by the way, i didnt accept it. i walked out and drove home.
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Old 06-22-2004, 09:07 AM
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Hi-
I am Amanda and I am a recovering addict. You made a big and WONDERFUL first step in the life-direction going to that meeting... And hurray for you that you realize that alcohol is a drug too, and that you cannot substitue one for another and still hope to gain any freedom from active addiction. That is good, sound advice you are giving yourself, about really taking a look at who are true friends in your life today. Going to meetings will eventually provide you with a WHOLE slew of new ones who are focusing on the new choice/direction you are trying to take yourself. Hang in there.

You will probably find that at least one meeting per day is going to be a MUST for a while. Especially with the things that are occurring in your body - you will be helping yourself soooooo much if you can continue to go each day and ask for more and more help - share what you are feeling, and listen for others who are just like you! You might consider listening as well for the message of another woman in those rooms who sounds like she has a bit of what you would like to get. These women - who are obviously working the steps in their lives, have sponsors themselves, and seem to have found a bit of freedom and serenity - are the ones best chosen for sponsorship. A sponsor will be one of your first active commitments to YOURSELF, actually! By getting a sponsor who you commit to calling regularly - whether your day has been good, bad or indifferent - you will be practicing honesty, and beginning to experience true intimacy and trust with another human being. I don't know if you can identify with this, but during my active addiction I really never was able to let people IN to who I actually AM. Today, I am learning who I am, so I am able to share myself honestly with others. It is truly rewarding and one of the gifts that makes me appreciate my recovery EVERY single day!

It DOES get better... it really does. It probably is better already on some level, and I promise you that there is further freedom if you are willing to go after it as hard as you probably went after your drugs. It can be done!

keep talking... let us know how you are feeling... we are here!

hugs, amanda
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Old 06-22-2004, 02:13 PM
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the girl can't help it
 
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Mansruin-

So glad to hear you made that meeting!! You did good!!!

:
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Old 06-22-2004, 03:07 PM
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we're all mad here!
 
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Mansruin.....

I'll throw my : s in with Splendra....... wtg!
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Old 06-22-2004, 03:10 PM
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Dan
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Originally Posted by mansruin
she offered me a beer. i guess i need to figure out who my real friends are. by the way, i didnt accept it. i walked out and drove home.
Good job!
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Old 06-22-2004, 03:13 PM
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I am proud of you that you went to the meeting, and you should be proud of yourself! Keep going and others have suggested, please see a doctor who specializes in treating addictions. You are in Houston with many, many major medical centers there, there WILL be one or two or three! :tounge-in :tounge-in You can do it with the help of so many and it will be better, if you do the work. The work may sometimes seem hard and pointless, but remember, it is worth it. I have been clean and sober for 5 1/2 years. It is worth all the pain and agony I went through. These have been the best 5 1/2 years of my life.
Keep us posted and I am praying for you. :tounge-in
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Old 06-22-2004, 03:19 PM
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Way To Go

mensruin WAY TO GO iam sooo excited everytime I think of the
wonderfull life G*D has in store for you .
just keep coming back to meetings!!
get a sponsor & work the steps

dansanaddict
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Old 06-22-2004, 03:52 PM
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i just want someone to hold me. i want everything to be better. i dug myself into a big hole. i made myself into who i am today. i risked everything. for nothing. to forget how much i hate myself for twenty or so minutes. to forget what a bad person i am and how im nothing. like velvet says 'i feel sick and dirty. more dead than alive'
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Old 06-22-2004, 04:01 PM
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Dan
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Originally Posted by mansruin
i just want someone to hold me. i want everything to be better. i dug myself into a big hole. i made myself into who i am today. i risked everything. for nothing. to forget how much i hate myself for twenty or so minutes. to forget what a bad person i am and how im nothing. like velvet says 'i feel sick and dirty. more dead than alive'
Come here. Give me that stick. Yeah, the shame stick you're beating yourself up with. Now listen closely... SNAP! No more. Now is the time to start letting go. A little bit at a time. But let go at all costs. Self pity is one of the surest ways to talk yourself into using again.
It does get better.
You are not nothing, as you say. You are a beautiful human being who is terribly sick. And because of that, you've made a succession of bad choices that have led you where you are today. But here is at least one thing that you should be grateful for and be proud of... You're clean today. And if you take a few minutes, calm down and think clearly, I know you'll find at least five more things in your life right now to be thankful for. Write them down and look at them. I promise you'll feel better if you do.
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Old 06-22-2004, 04:02 PM
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I'm holding you : )

Kimmie
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Old 06-22-2004, 04:11 PM
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its just hard to deal with this alone. my husband says he doesnt have a problem and its easy to quit which in turn makes me feel like a weak person. i feel like using to help myself forget, but i know that that is not an option. im going to a meeting tonight. i need to go or else ill go buy.
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Old 06-22-2004, 04:25 PM
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Mansruin

Get out and get to that meeting. You can do it. Where all rooting for you

Talia
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Old 06-22-2004, 04:59 PM
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Welcome--You've come to the right place--Keep going to your AA/NA meetings and coming back here to read and post. It really does help---Check out the NA board here Im sure there are alot of people there that can relate and help you---Do this for Yourself and your son thats most important----Best of luck to you!!!!!!
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