my therapy session
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 611
my therapy session
Hi All,
I've decided today will be my sober day....been reading for a while now but didn't think I should post while I was still drinking. If you don't mind I'd like to share a little bit of my journey just to get it off my chest if nothing else. Sorry if this is long but I've never told it as a full story before and I think it might help me. Willing audience or not here I go. I'm sorry for the length of this post please don't feel obligated to read it all if you don't want to, I'm just using this post as my own personal therapy session.
My mother was heroin addict and I never met my father, I don't remember much of my very early life but I know I ended up in care at 5. I had very loving grandparents who had been trying to find out where my mother and I had disappeared to. My mother had a tendency to hide from my grandparents...they were very well meaning and always wanted to help her even to the time of her death 3 years ago.....The problem with this is when you are in a place in your life where you are not ready or able to accept that help being constantly confronted with it makes you run away...in my mum's case not metaphorically but literally. Eventually my grandparents tracked down the home I was in and after a lenthy run through the courts I was eventually adopted by them and had a wonderfully happy childhood. The odd re-appearance of my mum in various drugged and drunken states being the only blemish.
I started drinking early in life, I was maybe 12 years old for my first experiences of an alcoholic nature. I had a young aunty who was maybe 26 at the time, I think she was lonely as she was in between relationships and had very few friends. She enjoyed the company and I think to make it feel more like I was adult company and possibly to help her feel better about her tendencies of drinking alone she used to give me beer. Not beer like letting a kid have a small glass of beer but letting me drink at my own pace and to my own capacity. She always said this was a good thing as it kept me off the streets and in my naivety I always agreed with sentiment.
One think I've always wondered about is whether or not alcoholism is built into a persons very nature? I wonder if alcoholics are born or if we are made as a victim of circumstance or maybe a victim of mis adventure and a path of bad choices? I've always had this strange sense of myself that before I ever had a drink I was already an alcoholic and the alcohol was just kind of the finishing touch. I've always suffered from an addictive personality, I'm an all or nothing type of person and struggle with moderation in all aspects of my life.
Through my teen years I spent most of my time doing well with school in the week and then staying with my aunty at the weekends, she soon started allowing my friends to also come over and drink and it turned into a place for us to hang out and get smashed at the weekend. I'd like to stress at this point I love my aunt very much and blame her for nothing, she was naive herself and lonely and did what she did without bad intention. She herself has dealt with her own alcohol issues and now regrets some of her past decisions.
My real problems with alcohol came when I moved in with a friend at 18. It was like an invisible leash was taken off me....I'd never thought of drinking in the week until the day I moved into that house but it was like my inner alcoholic chose this moment to shine through. I moved in the house and me and my friend drank to celebrate. He stopped at the end of the evening.....I stopped a year later when we moved out. I've never been able to understand where the daily drinker came from, I'd never done it before but it felt so natural and I slipped into it with intimate ease.
I was not a good person while I lived with my friend, I was young, probably hormonal and experiencing a lot of anger issues over the early part of my life. It is probably the time in my life I regret the most...me and Andy were friends from childhood, from the day we moved out we have only ever spoken once when I invited him to my wedding, he declined with a single word and I realised my behaviour had hurt him too bad and I'll always carry guilt for that. I won't go into too much detail but I used to drink about 4 litres of cheap cider per day, I used to self harm when drunk and used to become violent. I know at first he tried to help me but I can see now in hindsight over night I changed from someone he'd played football with on the street to a stranger he couldn't recognise.
After a deal of begging from my grandparents I moved home and instantly fell into old routines, from the day I moved home I never drank in the week and started to go stay with my aunt again at weekends. I've never understood the on off switch in my head, I drank every day for a year and then stopped in an instant without a backward glance.
I lived at home for a year until I was 20, in this time I met my wife and we bought a house together. I have worded in the same job since I was 17 and have risen through the ranks and always enjoyed saving. The day I moved in the house with my wife I started drinking and didn't stop for 4 years....I think maybe I had 2 or 3 days off in that time......
I'm an odd drunk...or maybe not I've never discussed it with anyone before....alcohol has never stopped me from working or progressing my life. During my 4 year binge the UK was experiencing a property bubble and my wife and I renovated and sold 4 houses building up to the beautiful detached house we possess now.
During that time I used to go to work, get home at 5, open a can of beer and start my jobs on whichever house i was working on....I'd work till maybe 11pm at night and sink 12-15 cans of beer while i was working, all the time dealing with power tools etc. At the weekend I'd wait till noon as drinking from the afternoon was ok, maybe 18 cans per day at the weekend.
After 4 years my wife and I had an argument and I slapped her while very drunk, I don't think I remember it but she told me the next day totally calm and my world fell apart.....anyone who has suffered domestic abuse feel free to criticize or abuse me, I accept it and embrace it and deserve it..... but I told myself this morning I would write my little story and be honest more to be honest with myself than with you guys. I love my wife dearly, she is my rock and i would never want to do anything to hurt her....i have never raised my hand to women before that and I never have since.
My wife is so understanding and never made an issue of it, she never threatened to leave and never shouted at me, she simply said she could tell at the time I was not in my right mind so didn't blame me......that made me feel so ashamed it's bringing tears to my eyes writing it down.
The morning my wife told me what I had done I quit drinking, I was 24 years old and refused to allow my marriage to fail due to my vices. I didn't drink for two and a half years......I decided to go the whole hog and I quit smoking the same day I quit drinking.
This period of my life is the only time I've been happy, in myself and with my life. As I'd quit smoking I decided to start exercising to get rid of my beer gut and to sort my lungs out. My obsessive nature soon took over and within 9 months I was running around 70-80 miles per week. I dropped 4 stones in the time I ran. Running has a certain therapeutic aspect to it, it gives me time to order my thoughts and to think, if I'm angry i run hard for the pain and it burns the anger away, in a good mood i run slow around the trails and woods near my house.....during this time I ran the London marathon in 2.39 mins and won a half marathon with a time of 1.14......i realised running was what I'd been born to do. My coach said i was maybe young enough and talented enough that i could one day get a GB vest and try to aim for running in the commonwealth game....I've never had purpose the way I did then.
After 2 and a half years I went on a business trip with work and got talked into a night out....I'm older now, I've grown as a person, I'd never let my running suffer, what's the harm.......
My drinking has got progressively got worse, I drank 6 days last week, I try to have 1 day off to show I still have some form of control. I last ran about 3 weeks ago and managed about 5 miles...I've put 3 stone back on....my all consuming dream of a GB vest is now gone...I'm 29, by the time my system had built up to the correct level again I'd be to old. I'm desperately unhappy as I've thrown away something I worked so hard for. My wife is my rock and still tells me what a good person I am that I go to work every day and provide but I know I have failed, not only myself but those around me.
Anyway I may not post again but I needed to write this down and didn't feel right putting pen to paper and not letting people see it...or what's the point. This is my 10 years of shame, bitterness and guilt. This is why I decided to get sober today for the last time, I'll be the man I always wanted to be if it kills me. I'm sorry for the length of this post.
One last point is, I don't blame anyone for where I am and how I ended up, I blame myself. My family and my friends have spent all my life trying to do right by me and I have let them down not the other way round as some drunks feel.
I've decided today will be my sober day....been reading for a while now but didn't think I should post while I was still drinking. If you don't mind I'd like to share a little bit of my journey just to get it off my chest if nothing else. Sorry if this is long but I've never told it as a full story before and I think it might help me. Willing audience or not here I go. I'm sorry for the length of this post please don't feel obligated to read it all if you don't want to, I'm just using this post as my own personal therapy session.
My mother was heroin addict and I never met my father, I don't remember much of my very early life but I know I ended up in care at 5. I had very loving grandparents who had been trying to find out where my mother and I had disappeared to. My mother had a tendency to hide from my grandparents...they were very well meaning and always wanted to help her even to the time of her death 3 years ago.....The problem with this is when you are in a place in your life where you are not ready or able to accept that help being constantly confronted with it makes you run away...in my mum's case not metaphorically but literally. Eventually my grandparents tracked down the home I was in and after a lenthy run through the courts I was eventually adopted by them and had a wonderfully happy childhood. The odd re-appearance of my mum in various drugged and drunken states being the only blemish.
I started drinking early in life, I was maybe 12 years old for my first experiences of an alcoholic nature. I had a young aunty who was maybe 26 at the time, I think she was lonely as she was in between relationships and had very few friends. She enjoyed the company and I think to make it feel more like I was adult company and possibly to help her feel better about her tendencies of drinking alone she used to give me beer. Not beer like letting a kid have a small glass of beer but letting me drink at my own pace and to my own capacity. She always said this was a good thing as it kept me off the streets and in my naivety I always agreed with sentiment.
One think I've always wondered about is whether or not alcoholism is built into a persons very nature? I wonder if alcoholics are born or if we are made as a victim of circumstance or maybe a victim of mis adventure and a path of bad choices? I've always had this strange sense of myself that before I ever had a drink I was already an alcoholic and the alcohol was just kind of the finishing touch. I've always suffered from an addictive personality, I'm an all or nothing type of person and struggle with moderation in all aspects of my life.
Through my teen years I spent most of my time doing well with school in the week and then staying with my aunty at the weekends, she soon started allowing my friends to also come over and drink and it turned into a place for us to hang out and get smashed at the weekend. I'd like to stress at this point I love my aunt very much and blame her for nothing, she was naive herself and lonely and did what she did without bad intention. She herself has dealt with her own alcohol issues and now regrets some of her past decisions.
My real problems with alcohol came when I moved in with a friend at 18. It was like an invisible leash was taken off me....I'd never thought of drinking in the week until the day I moved into that house but it was like my inner alcoholic chose this moment to shine through. I moved in the house and me and my friend drank to celebrate. He stopped at the end of the evening.....I stopped a year later when we moved out. I've never been able to understand where the daily drinker came from, I'd never done it before but it felt so natural and I slipped into it with intimate ease.
I was not a good person while I lived with my friend, I was young, probably hormonal and experiencing a lot of anger issues over the early part of my life. It is probably the time in my life I regret the most...me and Andy were friends from childhood, from the day we moved out we have only ever spoken once when I invited him to my wedding, he declined with a single word and I realised my behaviour had hurt him too bad and I'll always carry guilt for that. I won't go into too much detail but I used to drink about 4 litres of cheap cider per day, I used to self harm when drunk and used to become violent. I know at first he tried to help me but I can see now in hindsight over night I changed from someone he'd played football with on the street to a stranger he couldn't recognise.
After a deal of begging from my grandparents I moved home and instantly fell into old routines, from the day I moved home I never drank in the week and started to go stay with my aunt again at weekends. I've never understood the on off switch in my head, I drank every day for a year and then stopped in an instant without a backward glance.
I lived at home for a year until I was 20, in this time I met my wife and we bought a house together. I have worded in the same job since I was 17 and have risen through the ranks and always enjoyed saving. The day I moved in the house with my wife I started drinking and didn't stop for 4 years....I think maybe I had 2 or 3 days off in that time......
I'm an odd drunk...or maybe not I've never discussed it with anyone before....alcohol has never stopped me from working or progressing my life. During my 4 year binge the UK was experiencing a property bubble and my wife and I renovated and sold 4 houses building up to the beautiful detached house we possess now.
During that time I used to go to work, get home at 5, open a can of beer and start my jobs on whichever house i was working on....I'd work till maybe 11pm at night and sink 12-15 cans of beer while i was working, all the time dealing with power tools etc. At the weekend I'd wait till noon as drinking from the afternoon was ok, maybe 18 cans per day at the weekend.
After 4 years my wife and I had an argument and I slapped her while very drunk, I don't think I remember it but she told me the next day totally calm and my world fell apart.....anyone who has suffered domestic abuse feel free to criticize or abuse me, I accept it and embrace it and deserve it..... but I told myself this morning I would write my little story and be honest more to be honest with myself than with you guys. I love my wife dearly, she is my rock and i would never want to do anything to hurt her....i have never raised my hand to women before that and I never have since.
My wife is so understanding and never made an issue of it, she never threatened to leave and never shouted at me, she simply said she could tell at the time I was not in my right mind so didn't blame me......that made me feel so ashamed it's bringing tears to my eyes writing it down.
The morning my wife told me what I had done I quit drinking, I was 24 years old and refused to allow my marriage to fail due to my vices. I didn't drink for two and a half years......I decided to go the whole hog and I quit smoking the same day I quit drinking.
This period of my life is the only time I've been happy, in myself and with my life. As I'd quit smoking I decided to start exercising to get rid of my beer gut and to sort my lungs out. My obsessive nature soon took over and within 9 months I was running around 70-80 miles per week. I dropped 4 stones in the time I ran. Running has a certain therapeutic aspect to it, it gives me time to order my thoughts and to think, if I'm angry i run hard for the pain and it burns the anger away, in a good mood i run slow around the trails and woods near my house.....during this time I ran the London marathon in 2.39 mins and won a half marathon with a time of 1.14......i realised running was what I'd been born to do. My coach said i was maybe young enough and talented enough that i could one day get a GB vest and try to aim for running in the commonwealth game....I've never had purpose the way I did then.
After 2 and a half years I went on a business trip with work and got talked into a night out....I'm older now, I've grown as a person, I'd never let my running suffer, what's the harm.......
My drinking has got progressively got worse, I drank 6 days last week, I try to have 1 day off to show I still have some form of control. I last ran about 3 weeks ago and managed about 5 miles...I've put 3 stone back on....my all consuming dream of a GB vest is now gone...I'm 29, by the time my system had built up to the correct level again I'd be to old. I'm desperately unhappy as I've thrown away something I worked so hard for. My wife is my rock and still tells me what a good person I am that I go to work every day and provide but I know I have failed, not only myself but those around me.
Anyway I may not post again but I needed to write this down and didn't feel right putting pen to paper and not letting people see it...or what's the point. This is my 10 years of shame, bitterness and guilt. This is why I decided to get sober today for the last time, I'll be the man I always wanted to be if it kills me. I'm sorry for the length of this post.
One last point is, I don't blame anyone for where I am and how I ended up, I blame myself. My family and my friends have spent all my life trying to do right by me and I have let them down not the other way round as some drunks feel.
Faith and reason
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: London
Posts: 941
Welcome to the posting side of SR MarathonMan. Well done on making the decision to be sober and making this your day 1. And thank you for sharing your story with us.
I don't know if I was born an alcoholic or not, but I'm in AA and I hear a lot people share that they believe they were.
I do have some experience of domestic abuse - my dad used to beat my mum when I was a kid. They're divorced now, so she's safe. I have forgiven my dad. I know you probably don't want or need my forgiveness and that this may come across as patronizing, but I forgive you too.
I really hope you do post again. Both reading and posting on SR helps me keep sober. Have a great day 1.
I don't know if I was born an alcoholic or not, but I'm in AA and I hear a lot people share that they believe they were.
I do have some experience of domestic abuse - my dad used to beat my mum when I was a kid. They're divorced now, so she's safe. I have forgiven my dad. I know you probably don't want or need my forgiveness and that this may come across as patronizing, but I forgive you too.
I really hope you do post again. Both reading and posting on SR helps me keep sober. Have a great day 1.
Kaleidoscope eyes
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: London
Posts: 5,243
Well done Marathon man, good decision. I am not judging you for slapping your wife. You are clearly sorry and she has forgiven you for this one off slap, she sounds great by the way. My ex used to punch, kick and stab and never said sorry. There is a world of difference there. I wish you all the luck in the world. xxxx Yes, and keep posting 
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
I hope you do post again MM - this community has been a great source of strength for we - I know it could be for you too?
I think a lot of us can identify with broken dreams and regrets. The part which maybe you haven't experienced yet is the blossoming of new dreams in recovery
what I thought was an ending was actually a beginning. I hope in years to come you can look back and feel the same way
D
I think a lot of us can identify with broken dreams and regrets. The part which maybe you haven't experienced yet is the blossoming of new dreams in recovery
what I thought was an ending was actually a beginning. I hope in years to come you can look back and feel the same way
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 4
Don't punish yourself MM. This is what alcohol does. It tricks you into believing it gives you something good but reality is it robs you of yourself. I've been in the same place, as you, I took up running, nearly did a marathon but started drinking again before I did one and it all went out of the window...then I drank to numb the guilt, as I felt a failure.
I stopped drinking again last week (again) and am now just starting running again, and it feels good.
Start small again, you'll get it back, have faith in yourself, and remember alcohol does not make things better it only numbs your senses.
I don't usually post on here, but I can really identify with your post. Just remember your not alone :-)
I stopped drinking again last week (again) and am now just starting running again, and it feels good.
Start small again, you'll get it back, have faith in yourself, and remember alcohol does not make things better it only numbs your senses.
I don't usually post on here, but I can really identify with your post. Just remember your not alone :-)
Realising my life
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Dorset, England
Posts: 3,656
Welcome to SR, MM. 
It took a lot of courage for you to write that post and then to actually send it - hats off to you!
Rest assured that you are with folk here who do understand and who will not judge. I hope you do post again, but, if not, I'm sure your post will have helped many people (including, I hope, yourself)
And 29 is still young enough to do virtually anything you set your mind to!
It took a lot of courage for you to write that post and then to actually send it - hats off to you! Rest assured that you are with folk here who do understand and who will not judge. I hope you do post again, but, if not, I'm sure your post will have helped many people (including, I hope, yourself)
And 29 is still young enough to do virtually anything you set your mind to!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 611
Thanks for the replies, wasn't sure what reaction i'd get to some of the things I confessed...i'm sure non of you could judge me in a harsher light than i judge myself...i was surprised how upsetting it was facing a few truths and putting them out for peoples judgement also at how much better I felt after i'd done it.
I have no doubt of my ability to quit now ive made my mind up, i've done it before and a stubborn streak in my nature won't let me fail where i've previously succeded...anyway sorry for any spelling or punctuation errors as i'm writing this on my phone. I hope you all have a good day and a productive weekend. I'm going to start installing our new bathroom...diy is so much easier sober
I have no doubt of my ability to quit now ive made my mind up, i've done it before and a stubborn streak in my nature won't let me fail where i've previously succeded...anyway sorry for any spelling or punctuation errors as i'm writing this on my phone. I hope you all have a good day and a productive weekend. I'm going to start installing our new bathroom...diy is so much easier sober
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: against the grain
Posts: 746
Hi MM and welcome. I understand feeling like you just want to get your story out. Feels good, eh? Well, I also hope that you stick around. We're all in this together and there really is strength in our numbers. But I also understand that all of our paths are different. I wish you all the best in your journey into and through sobriety.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 611
Wow.....saturday nights sober are so long....the boredom is almost unbearable....first saturday in two years....thank god its match of the day in half an hour....ran for the first time in 3 weeks today which made me feel really good.
30yrdrunk
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 89
MM,
I have run a couple of marathons myself. I ran just over 3:15 12 yrs ago just missing qualifying for the Boston Marathon. I routinely ran sub 6 minute miles for 1/2 marathons. I'm 44 now. One of my goals is to run again like I used too
There are a few things I enjoy more than boozing running and sport. I realize I need to develop some more interests to engage in.
Thanks for sharing your story. You overcame a difficult start in life and should be proud of what you accomplished.
Best wishes,
TC
I have run a couple of marathons myself. I ran just over 3:15 12 yrs ago just missing qualifying for the Boston Marathon. I routinely ran sub 6 minute miles for 1/2 marathons. I'm 44 now. One of my goals is to run again like I used too
There are a few things I enjoy more than boozing running and sport. I realize I need to develop some more interests to engage in.
Thanks for sharing your story. You overcame a difficult start in life and should be proud of what you accomplished.
Best wishes,
TC
Kaleidoscope eyes
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: London
Posts: 5,243
Originally Posted by MarathonMan 
Thanks for the replies, wasn't sure what reaction i'd get to some of the things I confessed...i'm sure non of you could judge me in a harsher light than i judge myself...i was surprised how upsetting it was facing a few truths and putting them out for peoples judgement also at how much better I felt after i'd done it.
I have no doubt of my ability to quit now ive made my mind up, i've done it before and a stubborn streak in my nature won't let me fail where i've previously succeded...anyway sorry for any spelling or punctuation errors as i'm writing this on my phone. I hope you all have a good day and a productive weekend. I'm going to start installing our new bathroom...diy is so much easier sober
I have no doubt of my ability to quit now ive made my mind up, i've done it before and a stubborn streak in my nature won't let me fail where i've previously succeded...anyway sorry for any spelling or punctuation errors as i'm writing this on my phone. I hope you all have a good day and a productive weekend. I'm going to start installing our new bathroom...diy is so much easier sober
xx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 611
Really broken nights sleep last night.....i kept having dreams of finding myself drinking without realising what was what I was doing....i'd just look down at my hand and there would be half drunk can of beer in it...i suppose that must be worries over my resolve or some such. I suppose it shows it must be really on my mind.....think i'm going to have a look for an AA meeting in my area....was really hoping I hadnt fallen that far but think it might be for the best.
Even though i'm tired it's nice to not have a thick head this morning.....looking forward to no hangover for work tomorrow.....might be able to get some work done in the first few hours.
Even though i'm tired it's nice to not have a thick head this morning.....looking forward to no hangover for work tomorrow.....might be able to get some work done in the first few hours.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: northern ireland
Posts: 649
Aa is an amazing place full of sincere people wanting to get better and help others. Dosent matter how far youve fallen what youve lost you just need to have a desire to stop drinking to belong My life has changed so much in 6 months its wonderful. Keep comming back.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 611
Day 4 - Really didn't sleep well last night, got really bad insomnia, it's like as soon as I go to bed my brain goes into overdrive.....I think with quitting drinking I'm really reflecting on my life as a whole and my brain seems to be intent on dissecting every aspect of myself from the second I turn the light off.
My emotions are a bit all over the place as well, my wife told me she was proud of me yesterday and it made me cry....i think maybe a bit of shame mixed in with some relief, getting a pat on the back for 3 days sober was really what I needed but kind of humiliating at the same time that I needed it so bad.
I think i've got some mild withdrawal today although I'm not sure....I feel very on edge and a my insides feel kind of jumpy....keep getting the urge to grind my teeth and I'm sweating quite a lot...hopefully this will pass soon. I'm sat at work and feel very tired and quite anxious....I do hope it passes soon but if not I can cope with it.
I think it shows I must have moved on in my drinking career, when I quit last time I had no withdrawal that I can remember. I like to think that that Friday - Sunday is when I did my heaviest drinking so hopefully the voice in the back of my head might be slightly more muted through the week....
My emotions are a bit all over the place as well, my wife told me she was proud of me yesterday and it made me cry....i think maybe a bit of shame mixed in with some relief, getting a pat on the back for 3 days sober was really what I needed but kind of humiliating at the same time that I needed it so bad.
I think i've got some mild withdrawal today although I'm not sure....I feel very on edge and a my insides feel kind of jumpy....keep getting the urge to grind my teeth and I'm sweating quite a lot...hopefully this will pass soon. I'm sat at work and feel very tired and quite anxious....I do hope it passes soon but if not I can cope with it.
I think it shows I must have moved on in my drinking career, when I quit last time I had no withdrawal that I can remember. I like to think that that Friday - Sunday is when I did my heaviest drinking so hopefully the voice in the back of my head might be slightly more muted through the week....
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
MM - thanks for your honest share. There is so much in your post but I also realize you are early in this process. Good job on day 4. For me the first month all I could do was focus on staying sober. AA was a big help for me and I do recommend some face to face for added support if your comfortable. Having someone to call, as well a post helped me. I sense your a bit of a perfectionist - most of us alcoholic and addicts are - its either black or white. For me part of my recovery is learning to live in the gray, as few things are black and white. An example of this would be not having to attain your vest but to perhaps just participate?
I have strong feelings/opinions that addiction including alcoholism is largely a function of your environment vs. genetic predisposition. I don't discount that genetics play a role, however, it is my view that the greater impact is your environment. I would go into these but I think its best served for later in your recovery.
Have you read Born to Run? Its an excellent true story, converted me to barefoot or minimalist running. Chi Running by Danny Dreyer is another excellent read. Good luck and keep posting.
You might want to download a some guided meditation or go for a run to release endorphins. Don't worry about diet to begin with - try to eat as much natural sugar as you can (Oranges, apples), as it will help to replace the sugar your body was craving from the alcohol and the simple vs complex sugar are easier on the body. A cold wet towel on the forehead can also help before bed. Lastly, you are not your thoughts. As you will learn later, detaching from your mind is actually a very good thing - btw I went through all the same things in the first week, as you are describing but feel free to seek a doc for consultation if you feel its needed.
I have strong feelings/opinions that addiction including alcoholism is largely a function of your environment vs. genetic predisposition. I don't discount that genetics play a role, however, it is my view that the greater impact is your environment. I would go into these but I think its best served for later in your recovery.
Have you read Born to Run? Its an excellent true story, converted me to barefoot or minimalist running. Chi Running by Danny Dreyer is another excellent read. Good luck and keep posting.
You might want to download a some guided meditation or go for a run to release endorphins. Don't worry about diet to begin with - try to eat as much natural sugar as you can (Oranges, apples), as it will help to replace the sugar your body was craving from the alcohol and the simple vs complex sugar are easier on the body. A cold wet towel on the forehead can also help before bed. Lastly, you are not your thoughts. As you will learn later, detaching from your mind is actually a very good thing - btw I went through all the same things in the first week, as you are describing but feel free to seek a doc for consultation if you feel its needed.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi MM, it's a mistake that many of us have made, thinking we can drink again after a period of abstinence. The trick is never to forget you're an alcoholic, even if you haven't had a drink for years.
You have an amazing wife and such a positive outlook. I hope you start running seriously again, even if just for the masters.
You have an amazing wife and such a positive outlook. I hope you start running seriously again, even if just for the masters.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 611
jdooner - yes I've read born to run and have always been a fan of shoes with very minimal cushioning, I did (will do) all my training in racing flats....instead of cushioning our weaknesses and imbalances we need to force them out and make sure the stabiliser muscles become stronger to compensate. I've not read the other book but may well get a copy as my enthusiasm comes back.
You're right I am a perfectionist and that is one of the reasons I feel so frustrated with myself and the decisions I've made, for allowing myself to follow such a destructive route all the while denying it was destroying me. Allowing it to dull my aspirations untill I convinced myself "I don't think I was ever that bothered in the first place," allowing my inner voice to say these things while knowing they were just an enabling mechanism, allowing me to carry on down that road...
You're right I am a perfectionist and that is one of the reasons I feel so frustrated with myself and the decisions I've made, for allowing myself to follow such a destructive route all the while denying it was destroying me. Allowing it to dull my aspirations untill I convinced myself "I don't think I was ever that bothered in the first place," allowing my inner voice to say these things while knowing they were just an enabling mechanism, allowing me to carry on down that road...
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