Help setting boundaries with son
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 23
Help setting boundaries with son
Chronic pain helped an addictive personality surface. Our 19 year old has yet to admit he has a problem. We have thrown him out a few times and let him return under rules that we set, rules that are unrealistic for someone suffering from mental illness hidden by self medication or self medication that is causing mental illness. We know we can't control his behavior but no longer wish to let him mess with our family dynamics (he is not our only child). At this point he is so lost he will never recover without support and guidance but we are not sure where to start to protect ourselves in the process. We would love for him to be inpatient and will do so if he can admit he needs help and also if the court allows (his suspicious addict like behavior caused some legal issues). We need some quick short term ideas if anyone has any! Thank you!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Is he living with you now? If so, is he observing your boundaries? If not, you may have to make him leave again so he doesn't do anymore damage to the family. We have a forum here for friends and family of substance abusers. Give it a look.
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 23
Thank you for the reply and the link. He has not been home since last week Friday. He has been living with friends and relatives. We did let him know he could return tonight if he was willing to sit down with us and calmly discuss expectations how we would move forward. Now I am fearful that this too will become a pattern: him leaving/getting thrown out....us trying to get him to realize he is in a downward spiral...trying to communicate and give him ways to return ......you picking up what I am laying down here?
I'll keep you in my prayers.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Hi MRSH4.
Two things. There's something called a civil commitment, whereby a person can be taken into treatment as an inpatient without meeting the criterion of being a "danger to himself or others." Find an attorney and/or social worker in your area who can assist you with this process should you choose to follow this course of action.
There is also something known as CRAFT, a set of tools for family members that enables them to set boundaries and protect themselves against the behavior of the addicted person. Unlike traditional interventions, CRAFT allows for the addicted person to be brought into the process from the very beginning, whether he/she decides to participate or not. As with the first option, try to locate someone in your area who is trained in this method.
Two things. There's something called a civil commitment, whereby a person can be taken into treatment as an inpatient without meeting the criterion of being a "danger to himself or others." Find an attorney and/or social worker in your area who can assist you with this process should you choose to follow this course of action.
There is also something known as CRAFT, a set of tools for family members that enables them to set boundaries and protect themselves against the behavior of the addicted person. Unlike traditional interventions, CRAFT allows for the addicted person to be brought into the process from the very beginning, whether he/she decides to participate or not. As with the first option, try to locate someone in your area who is trained in this method.
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