Courage To Change 02/06/2013
Behold the power of NO
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Courage To Change 02/06/2013
By the time I reached Al-Anon I was desperate to do something about my relationship with an alcoholic. I hoped that you would tell me to throw the bum out, so I was dismayed when a member suggested that I make no major changes for six months after coming to Al-Anon. By the end of the six months, my thinking had changed dramatically and I was grateful to have waited.
At that point, something inside told me to continue to wait, to learn, to recover, before deciding about this relationship. But I hate to wait. I struggled, prayed for guidance, weighed the pros and cons. The answer was always the same: "Wait. Do nothing yet. The time will come." That wasn't the answer I was looking for. So I ignored it. I forced a "solution" and walked out.
I was immediately consumed with guilt and self-doubt. Had I made the worst mistake of my life? I still loved this person so much, and though I was deeply troubled, I wasn't convinced that leaving was the answer. I had to admit that I had acted prematurely. Only with more time was I eventually able to come to a decision that I knew I could live with.
When my thinking becomes distorted by trying to force solutions, I probably won't get the result I seek. As the saying goes, "When in doubt, don't."
"Guide me in all I do to remember that waiting is the answer to some of my prayers."
At that point, something inside told me to continue to wait, to learn, to recover, before deciding about this relationship. But I hate to wait. I struggled, prayed for guidance, weighed the pros and cons. The answer was always the same: "Wait. Do nothing yet. The time will come." That wasn't the answer I was looking for. So I ignored it. I forced a "solution" and walked out.
I was immediately consumed with guilt and self-doubt. Had I made the worst mistake of my life? I still loved this person so much, and though I was deeply troubled, I wasn't convinced that leaving was the answer. I had to admit that I had acted prematurely. Only with more time was I eventually able to come to a decision that I knew I could live with.
Today's Reminder
When my thinking becomes distorted by trying to force solutions, I probably won't get the result I seek. As the saying goes, "When in doubt, don't."
"Guide me in all I do to remember that waiting is the answer to some of my prayers."
As We Understood…
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Fort Worth, TX
Posts: 38
Thank you for this! When I asked the AH to move out, I was in the "what am I gonna do" phase. Do I divorce him now? But if I do that, will he drink himself into a hole? But that's not my problem now, I told myself. Thank God for prayers, because I keep getting the same answer, wait, be still and do nothing. This is not an easy feat, as I want to get things done and keep moving forward. (Probably why God put me here to begin with, patience is NOT my best virtue!!!) So, for now I wait. No decision needs to be made right this minute and I need to wait to see what his actions will show anyway. Thanks for the reminder!!! 
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Nashua , MN
Posts: 27
Some might call it "tough love", you can call it what ever you like. Some decisions are very self explanatory, others are wait and see. You did what you had to do to take care of yourself, dont look back.
Behold the power of NO
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
so I was dismayed when a member suggested that I make no major changes for six months after coming to Al-Anon.
If your partner abuses you, disregard this suggestion, call the domestic violence hotline and leave.
http://www.ncadv.org/files/DomesticV...ational%29.pdf
Almost one third of female homicide victims that are reported in police records are killed by an intimate partner.
In 70-80% of intimate partner homicides, no matter which partner was killed, the man physically abused the woman before the murder.
Less than one-fifth of victims reporting an injury from intimate partner violence sought medical treatment following the injury.
Intimate partner violence results in more than 18.5 million mental health care visits
each year.
In 70-80% of intimate partner homicides, no matter which partner was killed, the man physically abused the woman before the murder.
Less than one-fifth of victims reporting an injury from intimate partner violence sought medical treatment following the injury.
Intimate partner violence results in more than 18.5 million mental health care visits
each year.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 175
When I first went to Al-Anon, I was ready to walk out of my marriage in the hopes of forcing my A to get sober. It was such a relief to hear those words: do nothing, just wait. So I did. I waited an entire year and kept going to Al-Anon. After that year, I was ready to leave my marriage FOR ME, and not for what I thought it might compel him to do. Same action, but totally different perspective and I had total peace of mind when I did it. Had I done it the year prior, I would have been heartbroken, frustrated and angry.
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