Recovery is no guarantee of happiness (warning: Sad)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Silver Spring, MD
Posts: 109
Recovery is no guarantee of happiness (warning: Sad)
I usually post on the addict side of the house but I have a story that I need to tell. A very close and long-time family friend was addicted to Heroin and other drugs from age 18 or so and over the next 10 years went to rehab numerous times, stole from his family and family friends. He then spent the next 20 years in jail and on the streets and finally got clean and sober at age 49 and was able to rebuild his relationship with his family.
He got married last year at age 53 and finally had a "good" life. Two weeks ago he and his wife were driving along when they were hit by another car. He was put into an induced coma and they had to pull the plug on his wife 2 days later. Since coming out of the coma he has significant brain damage and can't really understand what happened or why his wife can't be with him.
I'm sorry to bring other people down with this story but his family and our family are just shattered by the grief that after 30 years of hell and estrangement and finally climbing out of the hell of addiction that he would have his new life destroyed in such a random, senseless way.
He got married last year at age 53 and finally had a "good" life. Two weeks ago he and his wife were driving along when they were hit by another car. He was put into an induced coma and they had to pull the plug on his wife 2 days later. Since coming out of the coma he has significant brain damage and can't really understand what happened or why his wife can't be with him.
I'm sorry to bring other people down with this story but his family and our family are just shattered by the grief that after 30 years of hell and estrangement and finally climbing out of the hell of addiction that he would have his new life destroyed in such a random, senseless way.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
My sincere condolences to you and all who grieve. That is so horribly tragic.
Your friends reality is another reason why I don't believe there's some cosmic force making things "happen for a reason." Sometimes the only reason is being in the right/wrong place. Sometimes shiznit just happens.
My prayers are with you
Your friends reality is another reason why I don't believe there's some cosmic force making things "happen for a reason." Sometimes the only reason is being in the right/wrong place. Sometimes shiznit just happens.
My prayers are with you
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 102
Snipe, sometimes, I just believe that destiny has its own mind of what our lives are supposed to be. I recently had a family friend pass away. She was a young 38 year old beautiful mother of two. I was thinking about her shortly after the holidays for some reason (I was not real close to her but my mother was more so) and expressed to my mother that she was a beautiful woman that just seemed not to have very good luck with men, single again, and that I hoped that one day she could find someone worthy of her (her twin recently married during the holidays last year). So to my surprise, I get information that she recently passed a few days after the new year. I was in shock. Apparently, she had scheduled lipo surgery and never came out. It was kind of a blow that a healthy woman would just die. I started thinking, here I am worried about my AS dying all the time because of his "addiction" and other people just die for no apparent reason. We don't control when and how it happens to us. I've heard stories of addicts who have had long lives too and people who have recovered after many years of using and ok and living their lives now (some with health issues but still here). And, I often think, which one will my beautiful son be? I hurts my heart, but I try to enjoy every minute I have with him. He is kind and loving to me…we have these talks because I'm afraid life is not guaranteed to last a certain amount of time. I tell him that anything could happen to anyone at any time and my life is not guaranteed as well. Sometimes, we just have to accept how life has turned out to be. I'm sorry for your tragedy. Although, there is great solace in knowing that he did get sober, did make amends with his family, and did get to experience of having a loving wife. Those are the little rewards in life. Hang on to that and help him remember what he did accomplish.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
I am sorry for your loss and theirs. But thank you for posting. I find it uplifting that he got four wonderful years and died that way sober, with family that loved, trusted, and knew him. He will never relapse and they will always remember him that way, a real loss.
He could have been killed at the same age alone and an addict. Please don't discount the redemption he gave himself and his family. He had happiness because of his recovery and only because of that. Recovery did guarantee a longer life. We each owe a death. Lots of sober people die in war and peace much younger.
If I have one thing to say it is to celebrate the happiness he found for four years, and the life mate and joy they both found for a year that neither would have had without recovery. Many not addicts never have even a year of happiness in their lives. Lots of sober people are estranged from their families.
Your post just said to me that it is never too late to find happiness, even if we slide in under the door.
I am truly sorry for your loss, and glad he found happiness for a little while.
He could have been killed at the same age alone and an addict. Please don't discount the redemption he gave himself and his family. He had happiness because of his recovery and only because of that. Recovery did guarantee a longer life. We each owe a death. Lots of sober people die in war and peace much younger.
If I have one thing to say it is to celebrate the happiness he found for four years, and the life mate and joy they both found for a year that neither would have had without recovery. Many not addicts never have even a year of happiness in their lives. Lots of sober people are estranged from their families.
Your post just said to me that it is never too late to find happiness, even if we slide in under the door.
I am truly sorry for your loss, and glad he found happiness for a little while.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Floripa
Posts: 121
Hi snipe, I am sorry to hear you have been closely affected by a sad tragedy. Life can seem so cruel and unfair. It would have seemed fairer to have taken him with her at least.
Often, very often, in my drunken wilderness this was the basis of my abondonment to the quest for happiness and success.
But in the end I decided that if I continue with drugs and alcohol that that was 100% guarantee of a tragic story for me at the end. And actually I started to imagine myself at 50 with terminal disease clearly caused by my drug and alcohol abuse and then having realised only not long before that that life was beautiful and that I wanted to live it but then laying there having to accept I had lost it and had nothing behind me but disappointments.
I also have lost a very dear friend once and it hurt as bad as a broken heart. There was no way to avoid the pain of knowing it. Only time the mind is a survivor and starts to delete the memory.
We drug addicts are the greatest denialists of all of them. Just accept it and trust in time and try not do any more destructive things to yourself.
Love and peace. We are all in the same boat.
Often, very often, in my drunken wilderness this was the basis of my abondonment to the quest for happiness and success.
But in the end I decided that if I continue with drugs and alcohol that that was 100% guarantee of a tragic story for me at the end. And actually I started to imagine myself at 50 with terminal disease clearly caused by my drug and alcohol abuse and then having realised only not long before that that life was beautiful and that I wanted to live it but then laying there having to accept I had lost it and had nothing behind me but disappointments.
I also have lost a very dear friend once and it hurt as bad as a broken heart. There was no way to avoid the pain of knowing it. Only time the mind is a survivor and starts to delete the memory.
We drug addicts are the greatest denialists of all of them. Just accept it and trust in time and try not do any more destructive things to yourself.
Love and peace. We are all in the same boat.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Floripa
Posts: 121
Hey snipe, dont know about his damage but dont give up on him mate. Is still hope. Brain is like the body and can heal and adjust. Where one arm was lost the other can be trained to replace it. Where one area of the brain was lost the other neurons can be trained to find away around it.
When he was wasted alot of times in his life he probably couldn't understand alot of things either. Let us know any good news if it comes of it.
When he was wasted alot of times in his life he probably couldn't understand alot of things either. Let us know any good news if it comes of it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Silver Spring, MD
Posts: 109
I realize that my original post was tainted with my "glass half empty" point of view. He did manage to get clean and restore good relationships with his brother and parents. His parents are in their early 90s so he couldn't have waited to much longer and still be able to restore those relationships.
He did get to find love and happiness for a time (nothing is forever). We don't know what the long-term effects of the brain damage will be so he may have many years of clean and happy life ahead of him.
As Ann says: it does tell us to live each day to the fullest. .
He did get to find love and happiness for a time (nothing is forever). We don't know what the long-term effects of the brain damage will be so he may have many years of clean and happy life ahead of him.
As Ann says: it does tell us to live each day to the fullest. .
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
Ugh, such tragedy.
I am thinking about how to process this in terms of recovery, and I guess my thought is this.
I have wasted entirely too much of my life already. I certainly don't know what lies ahead, or how much time I have or how much time my loved ones have.
Better I spend all the rest of what time is left sober and in recovery, and leave behind all the wasted years and broken promises, because none of us know how much value there is in all the little moments.
I am thinking about how to process this in terms of recovery, and I guess my thought is this.
I have wasted entirely too much of my life already. I certainly don't know what lies ahead, or how much time I have or how much time my loved ones have.
Better I spend all the rest of what time is left sober and in recovery, and leave behind all the wasted years and broken promises, because none of us know how much value there is in all the little moments.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
