Hoytshot

Hello all. My name is Grant. I'm a 44 year old firefighter and live in Spokane, WA.

I am married to an alcohol dependent addict. I hate every minute of it. I am tired of the constant lies, the hidden bottles, the smell of vodka on her breath, the 8 p.m. pass out.

She absolutely refuses to get help. I have tried everything to get her to see she is ruining our marriage. She just doesn't care enough I guess.

The way I found this forum was, I googled, "how to live with an alcoholic wife".

I look forward to my experience here. Thank you all for accepting me.

ClearMind

Welcome, Grant. There is a section of this forum specifically devoted to partners of alcoholics, you should check that out.

This forum is a great support site. I think you'll find many people here willing to listen to you and share their experiences.

And, as a recovering alcohol addict myself, I feel that it may not be accurate to say that "she doesn't care enough". To an addict, nothing else matters when they are in the depths of their addiction, least of all their own personal well-being. It's like we can't think of things clearly. There's a constant shadow surrounding our thoughts that clouds our judgements. The positive thing is that as long as there are alcoholics in the world, there will be people who quit drinking. Is she willing to get help?

Nonsensical

The most baffling and frustrating part of addiction is continued use despite persistent negative consequences.

That can be true not only for people watching a loved one do it, but also for the addict who wants to get sober. I could never understand how I could wake up in the morning, dump every drop of liquor in my house down the sink, swear that I was getting sober, and then stop at the liquor store on my way home from work that evening. I thought I was going insane. My wife thought I didn't care enough.

Get some support for yourself. And some information on addiction.

Best of Luck on Your Journey!

Hoytshot

No, she is unwilling to get help. A couple years ago she was arrested on a DV charge after beating on me for several hours. One of her daughters called the cops. That incident led to her medically detoxing. For the first time, I saw my wife sober. She was beautiful! She was everything I wanted! Unfortunately, it didn't last. She has been through two outpatient programs. She drank every day of them. She ABSOLUTELY will not do an inpatient program.

2bhappier

I could see my husband writing your post and it makes me sad. I did and DO care tremendously. But the addiction is a very powerful thing for me. Fortunately I found SR and AA and am getting help but all the years and failed attempts in the past were not from lack of caring.

Anyway, I do hope this site helps you. And maybe even can help your wife.

Hoytshot

Thank you.

KateL

I do feel for you. I was a drunk once and married to a firefighter coincidentally. We split up and he trained to be a pilot. I hope it works out for you and you don't
have to quit your job and become a pilot joking. Good luck and I hope you get your lovely wife back. So sad xxx

Hoytshot

Thank you Kate.

least

I'm sorry for the situation you're in. Is it a possibility to leave her and build a life for yourself? Of is that out of the question? The alcoholic has to want recovery for themselves. No one else can make them want it.

I hope you can find peace in your life.

masanori

Hoyshot,

I've become more pragmatic in my middle-age years and have adopted a philosophy that leaves little room for emotions and emotional ties. More often than not, the uphill battle is one that I just refuse to participate in. I, personally, would focus on my own life rather than try and convince someone else to change. Life is too short.

Hoytshot

I honestly think I have started leaving her already. I hate the feeling of being trapped. I know this is MY issue to fix. The thought of financial issues and starting over scares the hell out of me.

Dee74

Welcome Grant

I'm sorry for your situation bit I know you'll find support here.

You may also want to check out our Family and Friends forums as well, if you haven't already done so


D

Hevyn

Happy to meet you Grant. I know it'll help you to share your feelings here. It's a great place where everyone understands what you're going through.

Wastinglife

I was in a co-dependent relationship where I was the alcoholic and my gf was the 'caretaker'. I made promise after promise to cut down the drinking. I had great streaks of a couple weeks here and a month there, but I ultimately always fell back into my old pattern of being a sneaky drunk.

I think you should consider giving your wife an ultimatum. It's you or the booze. You have your own life to live and your happiness should not be determined by your wife's addiction.

GotGrace

Hi Grant and welcome! My husband and I used to live in Spokane and loved it there!

I hope you will find the support you need here. SR has saved me, for sure.

Hoytshot

Thank you very much,