kathrynkathrynk

I'm nineteen years old. I've been an alcoholic, by definition, for over a year now. People know I drink a lot. People make jokes, but I drink every night and whenever I'm socially nervous I drink more. It helps me. It feels fine. I know it's a bad idea for my health, but socially all its done is help me. So I don't know what to do.

Dee74

Hi and welcome kathrynkathrynk

you must be worried enough tho to seek us out

I don't think many of us wanted to quit, but some of us had to, while others saw the writing on the wall...

Things never stay the same as they were when we first started. what was once fun and an aid or a medication turns bad...addiction is progressive like that.

I wasn't sure when I got here either, but I did decide to quit and it's been a great decision for me.

I hope you'll stick around

RobbyRobot

Perhaps its worth taking a look at changing out your social choices if drinking helps you socially and you already know drinking isn't healthy for you? Knowing your alcoholic and you don't want to stop must be frustrating for you. I think your doing the right thing by having some discussions here on your options for better choices. Good on you for reaching out. Welcome to SR.

kathrynkathrynk

I'm a domestic violence victim, a bulemic, and an alcoholic. The only one I feel like I can control is my alcoholism but it helps me cope with my self-hate. I don't know how to stop.

RobbyRobot

You have a lot on your plate. Has therapy and counselling already been tried out? A lot of us had other challenges too to deal with when we took on the added responsibilities of quitting. Everything can easily seem like a huge mountain in the early days of quitting. In time though, things do fall into place when we create better opportunities for ourselves by staying quit.

LadyinBC

Welcome to SR Kathryn. You did a brave thing by posting here. Don't ever give up on yourself. Post here whenever you need to, we are always here.

Dee74

Like Rob said, many of us had other challenges too.

I had a lot of self hate, a lot of emotional baggage and some physical challenges too (I'm a disabled man) but I had to work on the alcoholism first in order to get to the other stuff.

I know that's scary to think about - but there's no need to go through it alone - there is help, and counselling....and a lot of support on places like this too

D

KateL

Hello Kathryn. Welcome and I hope you can find some support here. I was also a victim of DV and have an eating disorder but don't drink anymore and have the eating under control. It is possible to overcome all of this and counseling is a really good thing. Best of luck xxxxx

jat14

Hi Kathryn. I wish I would have had the good sense and the internet to find this place when I was 19 so you are way ahead of the game. Please don't waste as many years I did and get help now. I know there are resources on this site to put you in touch with a professional in your area to help you deal with your many issues. Good luck and God bless.

Nonsensical

The negative side effects of persistent drinking will get worse. You could save yourself a lot of pain by quitting now.

Best of Luck on Your Journey.

FeelingGreat

Alcoholism is lack of control almost by definition. So if you want to take some control back in your life, sobriety will provide that. Lots of alcoholics started drinking because of social shyness; it certainly helped me that way. But it's easy to start drinking too much and that's bad for your mental and physical health.
If you know you have a problem with alcohol, sobriety will help you build self esteem and confidence.
At your age it's common for friends to make a joke out of someone drinking too much, so if you try to stop don't count on a lot of support from them. There are other support groups around like AA; why not start by talking to your doctor?

ChloeRose63

Kathryn, The best thing you did is to cry out for help. There is something in you that is begging you to fix what is not right. Alcohol is not the answer. It becomes more and more part of the problem. It does not give you any of the skills you need to grow and become the person you want to be. I speak from experience. I thought I was the greatest, smartest, most fun and kind person all when I was drinking. Soon my friends and family realized that it wasn't true. I was a fake,
A drunk. The real me was masked by alcohol. Don't lose yourself before you even begin to know how wonderful you are. Listen to your heart it is wise. The Alcoholic voice is out to trick you.

kathrynkathrynk

This is way more positive and encouraging and uplifting than I thought it would be. Thank you so much everybody. I just don't know how to learn to like myself sober.

FreeOwl

I could have typed pretty much those same words at 19...

Had I given up then, I could have avoided;

Wasting hundreds of thousands of dollars
Two DUIs
Causing people I love pain
Divorce
Health issues
Loads of embarrassment
Even more shame and guilt

And... I would probably find myself far, far further ahead in life and have a lot of wonderful, enriching memories where instead a lot of blank spaces are.

I know how hard it is at 19 to even concieve of a life without alcohol. Especially in a place like Chico!!! But.... it can totally be done and if you should choose to live a sober life - just based on what you've said in your opening post - it will be immeasurably better.

Welcome

ChloeRose63

You are human. You have every potential to become someone so very special. It's all about becoming real. You have faults but, it is this that makes you unique. Learn from your situations. Every step you take from this day forward is a new beginning of a new view of people, life and especially yourself. You can't change the past but you can create a better future. Believe it. There are so many people that want to help. Ask and you shall receive.

Ruby2

Hi Kathryn,

Many of us drank because they didn't like themselves very much. Many felt they had power and could control their drinking. I know that I felt that way but learned that I had no control over my drinking. I started not liking myself even move because of the things I did while drinking so I drank more. It became a vicious circle.

You have a lot going on. If you keep drinking you will temporarily numb the pain but it won't get better. If you can get counseling it may help. You deserve peace of mind and I hope you will find it.

Anna

Kathyrn, welcome!

I'm so glad you found us. We do understand, and I don't think any of us wanted to quit drinking. I couldn't imagine how to get through a day or an evening without alcohol. I used alcohol to self-medicate depression/anxiety. In the very beginning it helped, which is the hook. Before I knew it, I couldn't stop and my life was a mess.

Have you considered getting counselling to help you deal with some the issues in your life? Please know that we understand how hard this is, and we're here to support you.

kathrynkathrynk

I was in counciling for years because of my depression and anxiety. Then I moved away from home for all I'd 2013 and that's when it all went down hill. I'm home now but nobody knows the real extent of what I went through and what I still am, I've lost most of my friends, and so far the only connections I've made since I've been back are over alcohol. I don't know the first steps or anything. I also feel really pathetic because these responses from complete strangers make me feel more cared about than I do anywhere else in my real life. I'm a mess.

IOAA2

Hi and congratulations to you with looking at a problem that will only get worse if drinking is continued as it does for so many of us. The earlier one starts the better our lives become and many of the causes will be manageable or will disappear.

BE WELL

Confuzd

Kathryn, I have not posted on this site in quite a while but I felt like I had to respond to your post. I'm female, in my 20's, and an alcoholic with 40 days of sobriety with the help of AA. At the beginning, I'm not going to lie and say it had immediate bad effects. It didn't. Drinking helped me deal with feelings of guilt and depression. I'm a survivor of domestic violence and it helped me deal with it. It helped me be social. It helped me keep it together enough to graduate college and get a job. The negative effects came slowly at first. Hangovers, embarrassing myself at bars. I gave sobriety several attempts but could not make it last. Drinking was no longer adding any positive benefits to my life. Then the negative effects got worse. Anxiety and depression. Going through withdrawals if I did not drink every day. Doing things that were dangerous and I knew were wrong, like drunk driving and drinking on the job. Eventually I lost my job. At first I thought I was different, sure, drinking has a bad effect on everyone else, but I'm different, it helps me, this is what I told myself at the beginning. Eventually though, the positive effects will disappear entirely to be replaced by negative effects. I hope you will give sobriety a chance!