Thank you
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Thank you
This doesn't have much to do with drinking (except that for an alcoholic maybe everything has something to do with that!) but I am sharing this only because I feel some anxiety and you've all been such friends to me. My cardiologist told me this morning that my aortic heart valve has deteriorated such that its condition has been classified now as "serious" rather than "moderate" and that unless it is replaced in the near future my life expectancy is cast in doubt. The options are open heart surgery (a challenge and a gamble at my age-87) or a newly developed "non invasive" technique involving insertion of a catheter and valve replacement through the groin. I may opt for the latter.
I asked the doctor whether, if I don't make it, would death be painful. He said probably not. As Keats said, "To cease upon the midnight with no pain". I think that's how my dad died back in 1956. I'm sitting in the bed where he died as I write this.
I had open heart surgery back in 1997 and have had nearly 17 years of additional life, during four of which I have had the great privilege of knowing the lot of you, seeing how much you all care, and hopefully doing what I can to help here and there without causing too much of a disturbance.
With luck I hope to make it for a few more years. But, if not, I'm so thankful that I finally seem to have got a handle on my drinking. What makes it so hard is that the struggle is not with others but with oneself, and with what remains of a soul damaged by years of abuse. That's why I'm convinced that, at least in my case, I could not have done what I had to do without the help of others in recovery.
Thank you for having been there for me and having been there for so many others.
W.
I asked the doctor whether, if I don't make it, would death be painful. He said probably not. As Keats said, "To cease upon the midnight with no pain". I think that's how my dad died back in 1956. I'm sitting in the bed where he died as I write this.
I had open heart surgery back in 1997 and have had nearly 17 years of additional life, during four of which I have had the great privilege of knowing the lot of you, seeing how much you all care, and hopefully doing what I can to help here and there without causing too much of a disturbance.
With luck I hope to make it for a few more years. But, if not, I'm so thankful that I finally seem to have got a handle on my drinking. What makes it so hard is that the struggle is not with others but with oneself, and with what remains of a soul damaged by years of abuse. That's why I'm convinced that, at least in my case, I could not have done what I had to do without the help of others in recovery.
Thank you for having been there for me and having been there for so many others.
W.
Friendly Folk
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Powers Lake, Wisconsin
Posts: 21,705
wish I had all you guys sooner
Been reading many, many posts. Some are encouraging and some are scary. I don't want to ever take another drink. I cannot waste another day feeling like this. I want to feel healthy and alive again. No more sneaking alcohol into the house and hiding it. Never wanting to get caught and planning my days around drinking. Really, I have lost so much because of it. I want my future to be bright. My past is shameful. The present day is getting better. Hope I can get some rest and recover from my last bindge. Can't wait for my head to clear and my body to feel normal and not so run down. A high price to pay for drinking like I did. Got to learn a valuable lesson for the last time. Got to be strong. Thanks, everyone.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Thank you for sharing and best of luck on whichever path you may choose. I'm sure they've told you at the doctor but heart surgery has advanced in leaps and bounds since your last go-around. Thanks for all of your sharing here on SR too, in the short time I've been here i've come to appreciate your presence and hope you'll stick around for quite some time.
Friendly Folk
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Powers Lake, Wisconsin
Posts: 21,705
Good to know such caring people
I am so excited to be a part of this group. I want to be a inspiration as many of you are to me. Positve thoughts are very powerful. I really feel that I can make it now that I have support. My thought are getting clearer now and I do believe I can commit to staying sober for the rest of my days. I have so much to gain by becoming clean. I am worth it and you all are helping me stay focused. Now I have somewhere and someone to turn to. I feel more sane. Thank you all. XO
Clear Eyes Full Heart
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,272
I'm sorry you have to choice between 2 unpalatable options! You seem to have a great attitude, so I'm sure you will get through whichever procedure you decide is best. Non-invasive sounds more appealing to me, for any age. I am glad you've told us so we can all can send you some extra prayers and good thoughts 
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
wpainterw, I don't know if you recall but I work in art so your username always jumps out at me. I always enjoy reading your posts because they are full of quiet wisdom, thank you.
It's very good to hear that there is a non-invasive medical technique that might be tried for your aortic valve. Certainly the recovery time would be much less and hopefully it would be just as effective as open heart surgery.
In the meantime you'll be in my thoughts, please keep us posted (if possible) lovely wpainterw.
I always enjoy reading your posts because they are full of quiet wisdom, thank you.It's very good to hear that there is a non-invasive medical technique that might be tried for your aortic valve. Certainly the recovery time would be much less and hopefully it would be just as effective as open heart surgery.
In the meantime you'll be in my thoughts, please keep us posted (if possible) lovely wpainterw.
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