Carlotta

"When the student is ready, the teacher appears," say the Zen Buddhists. Or, as an Al-Anon speaker put it, "We each get here right on time." To me, this is an important reason to have a public relations policy based on attraction rather than promotion, as the Eleventh Tradition suggests.
My own arrival in Al-Anon was right on schedule. I first heard about the program when I was a teenager' I attended my first meeting twenty years later. I don't regret that lapse of time because I don't think I would have been ready to come to Al-Anon any sooner - I spent those twenty years resenting any implications from well-meaning family members that I had been affected by alcoholism. Only after many years of living with the effects of the disease did I really become ready to get help. No amount of nagging would have hurried me along any faster.

Today's Reminder

There is no magic wand that can make others ready for Al-Anon. And it is presumptuous to assume that I have a better idea of their true path than they do. Let me help those who want help. When my life improves as a result of working the program myself, I do more to carry the message than I ever could by forcing it on others.

"Let me not dilute the effectiveness of the help I can give by letting it take the form of giving advice. I know I will never have enough insight into another's life to tell that person what is best to do."

Carlotta

Guilty as charged.
Every day, there is at least a part of the Al Anon daily readings which speaks directly to me or get me thinking.

hopeful4

Amen! I am guilty as charged also.

I have a very very good friend at CR that asks for my advise. It is very hard not to give it because she is such a good friend. However....it is her path. I try to remember many times someone just needs an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on.

As usual...thank you for the post. They are always so powerful and get me thinking!

Have a blessed day!

FireSprite

Me too.

Every time I hear myself saying what someone else "should" be doing I try to step back & think of this Golden Rule instead. The word should is now a trigger for me, lol. (a good one, a reminder to check myself)

I barely know what I *should* be doing, who I am to judge another's path or speed at which they walk that path, including RAH?

Carlotta

I think it is very difficult for a lot of us.
Not to be apologetic for my control issues etc. but the way I see it is like if there was a shabby little bridge between two mountains and I knew from experience that there is a huge hole right in the middle.
I see someone starting on that bridge and I know it is very dangerous because I felt through that hole (which has not been fixed) way back and broke my ankle.
I also know there is a safe little mountain pass about a mile away.
Of course our natural reaction is to tell the person: don't take the bridge it's dangerous. Follow my directions, I know a safe way...
Then of course, when the person does not listen to my direction and think she'll cross the bridge because it's different for her and the power of love will magically fix the hole I get frustrated and sometimes angry at them for their naivety and stubborness..

There was a reading earlier this year which stated that we should allow people the dignity to make their own choices (even if they are bad). It's much easier said that done sometimes

hopeful4

Carlotta that is one great analogy!