Money issues
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 66
Money issues
I'm not sure what I'm looking for with this post. I guess confirmation that what I want to do isn't wrong. I handle the finances and have for most of our 29yr marriage. I've been a stay at home mom the majority of that time. He has always been irresponsible with money, although I've done my share. He's been that way since long before he was drinking. He makes,what I consider, good money. We should have plenty but bad financial decisions has made it so his income is less than our expenses. 
We have tried numerous budgets and ways of handling the money but it never works out. Seems like him using the ATM doesn't count as part of the budge/spending plan.
He has never complained, until recently about what I spend. But I also always make sure he has money for his cigarettes ($250-300/month) and lunches and any other misc expenses. Even if that means not paying a bill or cutting down the grocery budget.
The other day I found $100 in his pocket and I have no idea how he got it. I also know that he is buying alcohol somehow. What I am going to do now is pay all the bills first and take out grocery money in cash so I actually get it. That will leave him (for two weeks) with about $300 for gas (Hummer), cigarettes, lunches, etc., also including any household misc. Our 13yr is going to be in a pageant and we will need to spend money on that (I am very thrifty).
In the end he is not going to have enough for his expenses, but the bills will get paid and groceries will be bought. Hopefully I am going to give my son-in-law the money we owe him with the money I get from watching my grandson.
BTW, my husband knows he had about $400 overtime so he thinks we have that much extra. I can't get it through him that we NEED the extra to break even. I KNOW he has plans for the 'extra' money and is going to have a fit when he finds out there is none. I am pretty sure he hasn't had a drink in a week or two (we never see him drink) so I don't know if this will cause him to drink or not. I hope not. I think he's trying to be 'good' to show me he doesn't have a problem.
I always want to make things easy/pleasant for him. He's very good to me and the kids. The only real problems we've ever had, until the alcohol, have been disagreements over the money. Now that I think of it, I may have been enabling him to continue his poor financial habits.
I guess I want confirmation that I'm doing the right thing or should I make sure he has enough for what he needs and not keep up with the bills/groceries. I don't feel very confident.
We have tried numerous budgets and ways of handling the money but it never works out. Seems like him using the ATM doesn't count as part of the budge/spending plan.
He has never complained, until recently about what I spend. But I also always make sure he has money for his cigarettes ($250-300/month) and lunches and any other misc expenses. Even if that means not paying a bill or cutting down the grocery budget. The other day I found $100 in his pocket and I have no idea how he got it. I also know that he is buying alcohol somehow. What I am going to do now is pay all the bills first and take out grocery money in cash so I actually get it. That will leave him (for two weeks) with about $300 for gas (Hummer), cigarettes, lunches, etc., also including any household misc. Our 13yr is going to be in a pageant and we will need to spend money on that (I am very thrifty).
In the end he is not going to have enough for his expenses, but the bills will get paid and groceries will be bought. Hopefully I am going to give my son-in-law the money we owe him with the money I get from watching my grandson.
BTW, my husband knows he had about $400 overtime so he thinks we have that much extra. I can't get it through him that we NEED the extra to break even. I KNOW he has plans for the 'extra' money and is going to have a fit when he finds out there is none. I am pretty sure he hasn't had a drink in a week or two (we never see him drink) so I don't know if this will cause him to drink or not. I hope not. I think he's trying to be 'good' to show me he doesn't have a problem.
I always want to make things easy/pleasant for him. He's very good to me and the kids. The only real problems we've ever had, until the alcohol, have been disagreements over the money. Now that I think of it, I may have been enabling him to continue his poor financial habits.
I guess I want confirmation that I'm doing the right thing or should I make sure he has enough for what he needs and not keep up with the bills/groceries. I don't feel very confident.
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Kids out of the house?
If so, probably you need to be doing some out of the house, as well.
That can change the income(s), your perspective, and VASTLY improves your life
notice how that was ALL about You, You, You and NOTHING about Him, Him, Him?
In this game, we only get to move the players on OUR side of the board -- just You (and Me) -- NOT Him (or Her).
------------------
As far as Family Budgets, etc. Simple Stuff once you do a Plan.
You know about Dave Ramsey? (and others)
If so, probably you need to be doing some out of the house, as well.
That can change the income(s), your perspective, and VASTLY improves your life
notice how that was ALL about You, You, You and NOTHING about Him, Him, Him?
In this game, we only get to move the players on OUR side of the board -- just You (and Me) -- NOT Him (or Her).
------------------
As far as Family Budgets, etc. Simple Stuff once you do a Plan.
You know about Dave Ramsey? (and others)
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: My Happy Place
Posts: 700
It would be a no-brainer to me that bill and groceries come first, regardless of kids in the home or not. You say you always try and makes things easier for him. Why? Does he make things easy for you? You are posting here, so I'm going to think not.
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
Yes. Definitely pay all the bills first. Find a way to keep some money for yourself and for an emergency.
My experience with trying to manage money with a man like you describe is bad. I ended up hiding money, checkbooks, and credit cards, leaving my purse at work, opening accounts with only my name, cancelling all kinds of credit cards he would open (because I end up paying those - married people come as a unit - doesn't matter whose name is on what).
They get money you know. They will borrow money from family and that family comes to you for it when you get a tax return or whatever. I found I also had to hide kids' allowances and piggy banks, gift receipts, etc. I discovered that people will buy you beer and golf memberships if you are a good golfer - but sometimes you have to miss work to do that. I discovered that he would sell his truck for money - doesn't matter that now he has no way to get to work, no way to pick up kids from school, etc. etc.
We didn't actually even fight over money. We had ENDLESS budgets and discussions and ideas. It doesn't matter what system you have. It is all just words and numbers on paper because when the rubber meets the road - addiction wins. A budget sure as hell ain't gonna fix it.
My experience with trying to manage money with a man like you describe is bad. I ended up hiding money, checkbooks, and credit cards, leaving my purse at work, opening accounts with only my name, cancelling all kinds of credit cards he would open (because I end up paying those - married people come as a unit - doesn't matter whose name is on what).
They get money you know. They will borrow money from family and that family comes to you for it when you get a tax return or whatever. I found I also had to hide kids' allowances and piggy banks, gift receipts, etc. I discovered that people will buy you beer and golf memberships if you are a good golfer - but sometimes you have to miss work to do that. I discovered that he would sell his truck for money - doesn't matter that now he has no way to get to work, no way to pick up kids from school, etc. etc.
We didn't actually even fight over money. We had ENDLESS budgets and discussions and ideas. It doesn't matter what system you have. It is all just words and numbers on paper because when the rubber meets the road - addiction wins. A budget sure as hell ain't gonna fix it.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
This was my exact thought too. You cannot remove all stress from his life in the hopes he won't drink. Believe me, tried that for years, life just does not work that way. You will become resentful for juggling it all yourself and it will just end up causing all sorts of problems.
Originally Posted by Sungrl 
It would be a no-brainer to me that bill and groceries come first, regardless of kids in the home or not. You say you always try and makes things easier for him. Why? Does he make things easy for you? You are posting here, so I'm going to think not.
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
Originally Posted by hopeful4
This was my exact thought too. You cannot remove all stress from his life in the hopes he won't drink. Believe me, tried that for years, life just does not work that way. You will become resentful for juggling it all yourself and it will just end up causing all sorts of problems.
Oh my lord the unvoiced resentment he had for me though. It probably matched mine for him and that is saying something. Well earned on both sides of the fence.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Yes, resentment has reared it's ugly head. I have become very controlling and know why. I have run our entire lives for all this time. Now all of a sudden he wants to come in and do what he chooses in the house and be respected. Pfft. It is very hard to overcome on both sides of the isle, his and mine. We are working on it, but it is very very hard.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Silicon Valley, CA
Posts: 2,066
I agree with Hammer. If you're having a hard time reeling in the finances, then do ALL things in cash and treat it like Monopoly money (which is what Dave Ramsey preaches.) You play the role of the banker (you get to hold and dole out all money) and your hubby ONLY gets what you give him. Suddenly the ATM isn't an issue because there is no money anywhere that he can access besides the money that you have in CASH. If you hubby chooses to blow all of his allocated funds on cigs and booze, well then I guess he's going to have to bike to work or phone a co-worker to pick him up and drive him around and start making his lunches at home to take to work. I was dealing with a similar issue with my husband. He didn't like it but it sure was effective.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
My XABF and I would argue over money all the time. We could not fathom each other's perspectives. In my world, if you know how much you make, and you know how much your expenses are, you can figure out how much you have left to spend on other things. When presented with that theory, XABF looked at me like I was completely insane. I believe financial responsibility (or lack thereof) is one of those things where two people on opposite sides of its spectrum simply can't understand each other. When I asked him how he could tell me he wasn't going to have rent money for October and then go off and buy $115 sunglasses, his explanation was straight out of the Quackers Handbook. I've blocked the specifics, but the principle of denial that came with his alcoholism was in full force on this as well.
As you cannot control his drinking, I don't know how you can control his financial irresponsibility. Do whatever you have to do to take care of and protect yourself. Making things easy/pleasant for another person is nice. Doing so at the risk of your own security is enabling.
As you cannot control his drinking, I don't know how you can control his financial irresponsibility. Do whatever you have to do to take care of and protect yourself. Making things easy/pleasant for another person is nice. Doing so at the risk of your own security is enabling.
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
Then there are the kinds of games that go like this....
Here is your allotted money for the week. It is spent (always) but now there is no money for gas. How does he get to work or pick up the kids or whatever - call in, take your car, you drive him, you get the kids - so you are leaving work etc. Do you take his vehicle and put gas in it or hand over $$/Card and know that part will be gas and part will be beer.
You need milk. Do you ALWAYS go get the milk yourself, or do you ask him to turn over receipts so you can check up, or just know that he will buy $5 of milk and $20 of beer.... or what?
There are dozens of little games like that. It gets very complicated to live like that when you are *married*. That is now how married people (or just two adults) operate.
It is a very very difficult way to live for everyone.
Here is your allotted money for the week. It is spent (always) but now there is no money for gas. How does he get to work or pick up the kids or whatever - call in, take your car, you drive him, you get the kids - so you are leaving work etc. Do you take his vehicle and put gas in it or hand over $$/Card and know that part will be gas and part will be beer.
You need milk. Do you ALWAYS go get the milk yourself, or do you ask him to turn over receipts so you can check up, or just know that he will buy $5 of milk and $20 of beer.... or what?
There are dozens of little games like that. It gets very complicated to live like that when you are *married*. That is now how married people (or just two adults) operate.
It is a very very difficult way to live for everyone.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 9
Money Issues
giliji, I am in a similar situation and struggling with decisions as well.
I have been married over 12 years and have two children (10 and 12). I am also responsible for our household finances and when I came into the marriage all the bills were behind by about 2 months. I should have seen that as a HUGE red flag and ran as fast as I could in the other direction. But I was in love and stayed because I am a co-dependent, rescuer and caregiver.
12 years later my AH remains in denial, he lost his job 5 months ago and is now in self-pity mode. He is saying things like: "I'm so lost", "I'm so depressed", "I don't know what to do", "I'm sorry for my behavior". I am so detached emotionally right now I can't even feel bad for him. I just want to strangle him because I am so angry and resentful.
Every budget I have ever tried to instill he has destroyed. Both of our incomes combined brought in a considerable amount of money each month and I never noticed why we couldn't get ahead. It wasn't until he lost his job and I had to really cut back on a lot of unnecessary spending and when I had to start looking at our finances with a microscope I noticed his frequent withdrawals. Whenever I am trying to save a little money he is withdrawing a little money. It is tax season right now and he is just bursting at the seams to get to the tax preparer to find out how much money we (he) will get.
Three weeks ago I started going to Alanon meetings. How liberating it feels to have something that is just for me alone. In order to get a handle on my money situation I decided to get my own checking and savings accounts where he can't withdraw any money. Last week he withdrew money so often that I didn't have enough money in the joint account and 3 checks were paid on insufficient funds. Fortunately, the bank processed the checks but consequently charged fees to our account.
I intend to purchase a grocery store gift card to keep in the house so that I know the groceries will be taken care of. Now that the money is going to a different account I will be able to pay the bills without him taking money out and bouncing checks. Lately, he has learned to go to the grocery store and get cash back at checkout. That way he thinks I don't know that he has money to buy liquor. he must really think I'm stupid.
What I am learning through Alanon and other forums is that I need to make sure the household needs and my children are taken care of before I worry about him.
You are doing the right thing. Keep your chin up. Worry about you and the kids. Trust me, he will figure things out for himself. They always do.
I have been married over 12 years and have two children (10 and 12). I am also responsible for our household finances and when I came into the marriage all the bills were behind by about 2 months. I should have seen that as a HUGE red flag and ran as fast as I could in the other direction. But I was in love and stayed because I am a co-dependent, rescuer and caregiver.
12 years later my AH remains in denial, he lost his job 5 months ago and is now in self-pity mode. He is saying things like: "I'm so lost", "I'm so depressed", "I don't know what to do", "I'm sorry for my behavior". I am so detached emotionally right now I can't even feel bad for him. I just want to strangle him because I am so angry and resentful.
Every budget I have ever tried to instill he has destroyed. Both of our incomes combined brought in a considerable amount of money each month and I never noticed why we couldn't get ahead. It wasn't until he lost his job and I had to really cut back on a lot of unnecessary spending and when I had to start looking at our finances with a microscope I noticed his frequent withdrawals. Whenever I am trying to save a little money he is withdrawing a little money. It is tax season right now and he is just bursting at the seams to get to the tax preparer to find out how much money we (he) will get.
Three weeks ago I started going to Alanon meetings. How liberating it feels to have something that is just for me alone. In order to get a handle on my money situation I decided to get my own checking and savings accounts where he can't withdraw any money. Last week he withdrew money so often that I didn't have enough money in the joint account and 3 checks were paid on insufficient funds. Fortunately, the bank processed the checks but consequently charged fees to our account.
I intend to purchase a grocery store gift card to keep in the house so that I know the groceries will be taken care of. Now that the money is going to a different account I will be able to pay the bills without him taking money out and bouncing checks. Lately, he has learned to go to the grocery store and get cash back at checkout. That way he thinks I don't know that he has money to buy liquor. he must really think I'm stupid.
What I am learning through Alanon and other forums is that I need to make sure the household needs and my children are taken care of before I worry about him.
You are doing the right thing. Keep your chin up. Worry about you and the kids. Trust me, he will figure things out for himself. They always do.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 66
Thank you so much for all the responses!!
4 of our children are still at home.
We have heard of Dave Ramsey, Ron Blue and Larry Burkett. Over the last 20some years we have taken these courses and even taught Dave Ramsey. I LOVE the program. He 'said' he was in sync with the program, but wouldn't really live by it. I have put together spreadsheets and tried to show him our income and expenses. Somehow he believes that if he needs/wants something he should be able to just get it.
No matter what budget we agree on he blows it out of the water. I feel like I constantly bang my head against the wall. I tried to get him to decide how things should work, but he's wishy washy. I even asked him to tell me how much he needed every 2 weeks so that I could just give that to him and he wouldn't be able to touch the rest. That didn't work either.
He drinks whiskey and doesn't go to the store often. However, I'm sure he gets cash back whenever he can. I'm so frustrated.
Based on the replies I will go ahead and take the money out that I will need so I have enough. I have already paid the bills for this pay period. I have a checking and savings account that he cannot access. I think he forgot about them. I will use those to keep most of the money safe.
As far as doling out money to him as needed will not happen. There's no way he would agree to that.
4 of our children are still at home.
We have heard of Dave Ramsey, Ron Blue and Larry Burkett. Over the last 20some years we have taken these courses and even taught Dave Ramsey. I LOVE the program. He 'said' he was in sync with the program, but wouldn't really live by it. I have put together spreadsheets and tried to show him our income and expenses. Somehow he believes that if he needs/wants something he should be able to just get it.
No matter what budget we agree on he blows it out of the water. I feel like I constantly bang my head against the wall. I tried to get him to decide how things should work, but he's wishy washy. I even asked him to tell me how much he needed every 2 weeks so that I could just give that to him and he wouldn't be able to touch the rest. That didn't work either.
He drinks whiskey and doesn't go to the store often. However, I'm sure he gets cash back whenever he can. I'm so frustrated.
Based on the replies I will go ahead and take the money out that I will need so I have enough. I have already paid the bills for this pay period. I have a checking and savings account that he cannot access. I think he forgot about them. I will use those to keep most of the money safe.
As far as doling out money to him as needed will not happen. There's no way he would agree to that.
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Originally Posted by giliji
4 of our children are still at home.
We have heard of Dave Ramsey, Ron Blue and Larry Burkett. Over the last 20some years we have taken these courses and even taught Dave Ramsey. I LOVE the program.
The money problem is completely secondary from the primary problem -- and then Dave refers them to some competent consoling for the REAL problem and takes them Off Air.
The rest of this is going back to He, He, He, Him, Him, Him, so please do not mind if I just skip over it?
He 'said' he was in sync with the program, but wouldn't really live by it. I have put together spreadsheets and tried to show him our income and expenses. Somehow he believes that if he needs/wants something he should be able to just get it.
No matter what budget we agree on he blows it out of the water. I feel like I constantly bang my head against the wall. I tried to get him to decide how things should work, but he's wishy washy. I even asked him to tell me how much he needed every 2 weeks so that I could just give that to him and he wouldn't be able to touch the rest. That didn't work either.
He drinks whiskey and doesn't go to the store often. However, I'm sure he gets cash back whenever he can. I'm so frustrated.
Based on the replies I will go ahead and take the money out that I will need so I have enough. I have already paid the bills for this pay period. I have a checking and savings account that he cannot access. I think he forgot about them. I will use those to keep most of the money safe.
No matter what budget we agree on he blows it out of the water. I feel like I constantly bang my head against the wall. I tried to get him to decide how things should work, but he's wishy washy. I even asked him to tell me how much he needed every 2 weeks so that I could just give that to him and he wouldn't be able to touch the rest. That didn't work either.
He drinks whiskey and doesn't go to the store often. However, I'm sure he gets cash back whenever he can. I'm so frustrated.
Based on the replies I will go ahead and take the money out that I will need so I have enough. I have already paid the bills for this pay period. I have a checking and savings account that he cannot access. I think he forgot about them. I will use those to keep most of the money safe.
Totally agree with you . . . .
As far as doling out money to him as needed will not happen. There's no way he would agree to that.
It would put you in the place of trying to Control an A.
Completely against the 3 C's.
Do Not Do This. Leaves YOU trapped in the problem with HIM.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 66
The youngest is 11.
I had completely forgotten about that. Thanks for reminding me. Makes alot of sense.
I hadn't thought of it that way. Do you think I should still take out the money we need for bills and groceries and only leave him with a certain amount? Or is that still trying to control him.
Good. Then you also know that Dave R., standard line for folks in *our* condition is that we DO NOT have a money problem. We have a Relationship/Marriage/Alcohol/Addict problem.
The money problem is completely secondary from the primary problem
The money problem is completely secondary from the primary problem
It would put you in the place of trying to Control an A.
Completely against the 3 C's.
Do Not Do This. Leaves YOU trapped in the problem with HIM.
Completely against the 3 C's.
Do Not Do This. Leaves YOU trapped in the problem with HIM.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Southern US
Posts: 785
Originally Posted by giliji
Do you think I should still take out the money we need for bills and groceries and only leave him with a certain amount? Or is that still trying to control him.
To be honest, the finances are the hardest part for me. Up until the last 8 months or so, my AH was good about paying bills timely. The first half of our marriage, I was in charge of paying bills.... I got sick of it so he took it over. Worked well.... until it didn't. In the last 8ish months, he has had a utility shut off twice (had NEVER happened before in our marriage. Totally did NOT expect that), and he got so far behind on utilities, etc, that I've had to use up savings/medical/emergency money 3 times to dig us out (in 3 months.) I thought I would have about $2-3k in savings and no debt besides the house when he leaves in 2 weeks. Instead, I will have $500 in savings and owe $500 to the kids' therapists
So, no savings basically ETA: I did take over paying the bills again... but we agreed that he'd pay a couple last bills before leaving.... just found out today that he won't be doing that so there went the $500 I had to pay the therapists. I guess that makes it 4 times, not 3
My fault. I should have taken over bill paying in November when the gas & electric was shut off...
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
Originally Posted by giliji
Do you think I should still take out the money we need for bills and groceries and only leave him with a certain amount? Or is that still trying to control him.
He 'said' he was in sync with the program, but wouldn't really live by it. I have put together spreadsheets and tried to show him our income and expenses........No matter what budget we agree on he blows it out of the water. I feel like I constantly bang my head against the wall. I tried to get him to decide how things should work, but he's wishy washy.
Somehow he believes that if he needs/wants something he should be able to just get it.
Even today - if he wants something, he buys it and skips child support. He doesn't worry about them. He knows I'll take care of them.
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Originally Posted by giliji
The youngest is 11.
You may have to go to work soon to produce income.
I had completely forgotten about that. Thanks for reminding me. Makes alot of sense.
I hadn't thought of it that way. Do you think I should still take out the money we need for bills and groceries
and only leave him with a certain amount? Or is that still trying to control him.
I hadn't thought of it that way. Do you think I should still take out the money we need for bills and groceries
and only leave him with a certain amount? Or is that still trying to control him.
Him is not YOUR Problem. Just is not.
Have you EVER seen "making there is enough to cover A's Addiction" on ANY of Dave's budget lists?
I do not think that I ever have.
It usually goes something like:
------------------------------
0. Basic Emergency Fund of $1000 -- is that right?
1. House
2. Food (or are those the other way around)
3. Utilities
4. Vehicles (for work and income)
5. 3 to 6 months expenses (bigger E Fund)
then pay off bills smallest to largest.
then pay off house . . .
We can check and get those numbers, and orders exactly correct, if needed . . .
----------------------
BUT Again -- YOU do not have a Money Problem.
YOU have an Active A Problem.
What do YOU want to do about THAT?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 66
but I do not think it's controlling to (1) pay the bills as soon as the money hits the bank account (before he can spend it), (2) take out cash to cover groceries, kids lunches, & misc expenses, (3) save as much of your babysitting as possible in an acct he can't access. Then, that leaves him free to take out as much or little as he wants of what is left in the joint account. That is what I would do. Of course, you have to figure out what you are comfortable doing so that may be too aggressive for you?
One reason is because he's been living that way all his life and it is has been working for him so far. He has no worries about money - you get all those.
Quote:
Originally Posted by giliji View Post
The youngest is 11.
Guess you understand why I am asking?
You may have to go to work soon to produce income.
Quote:
I had completely forgotten about that. Thanks for reminding me. Makes alot of sense.
I hadn't thought of it that way. Do you think I should still take out the money we need for bills and groceries
and only leave him with a certain amount? Or is that still trying to control him.
I do not think you should worry about him, him, him, him.
Him is not YOUR Problem. Just is not.
Have you EVER seen "making there is enough to cover A's Addiction" on ANY of Dave's budget lists?
I do not think that I ever have.
It usually goes something like:
------------------------------
0. Basic Emergency Fund of $1000 -- is that right?
1. House
2. Food (or are those the other way around)
3. Utilities
4. Vehicles (for work and income)
5. 3 to 6 months expenses (bigger E Fund)
then pay off bills smallest to largest.
then pay off house . . .
We can check and get those numbers, and orders exactly correct, if needed . . .
----------------------
BUT Again -- YOU do not have a Money Problem.
YOU have an Active A Problem.
What do YOU want to do about THAT?
Originally Posted by giliji View Post
The youngest is 11.
Guess you understand why I am asking?
You may have to go to work soon to produce income.
Quote:
I had completely forgotten about that. Thanks for reminding me. Makes alot of sense.
I hadn't thought of it that way. Do you think I should still take out the money we need for bills and groceries
and only leave him with a certain amount? Or is that still trying to control him.
I do not think you should worry about him, him, him, him.
Him is not YOUR Problem. Just is not.
Have you EVER seen "making there is enough to cover A's Addiction" on ANY of Dave's budget lists?
I do not think that I ever have.
It usually goes something like:
------------------------------
0. Basic Emergency Fund of $1000 -- is that right?
1. House
2. Food (or are those the other way around)
3. Utilities
4. Vehicles (for work and income)
5. 3 to 6 months expenses (bigger E Fund)
then pay off bills smallest to largest.
then pay off house . . .
We can check and get those numbers, and orders exactly correct, if needed . . .
----------------------
BUT Again -- YOU do not have a Money Problem.
YOU have an Active A Problem.
What do YOU want to do about THAT?
As far as the Active A problem, I am very new to this. I'm still trying to figure it all out. From what I understand I work on myself first. I am going to Al-Anon and another support group.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
park the hummer! pack lunches. buy cheaper cigarettes. those are all no brainers. how old is the guy? time to grow up.
do everything you can to get as much $$ out of harm's way. let HIM worry about having enough for his spending. make sure you and the children are provided for. PRIORITIZE. HINT, he is NOT a priority.
do everything you can to get as much $$ out of harm's way. let HIM worry about having enough for his spending. make sure you and the children are provided for. PRIORITIZE. HINT, he is NOT a priority.
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park the hummer! pack lunches. buy cheaper cigarettes. those are all no brainers. how old is the guy? time to grow up.
He's more than old enough to grow up, but again I can't make him. He is working more overtime to get more income.
do everything you can to get as much $$ out of harm's way. let HIM worry about having enough for his spending. make sure you and the children are provided for. PRIORITIZE. HINT, he is NOT a priority.
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