habsfan18

Hi,

So I was lying in my bed 10 minutes ago and my father came to me (Ok I'm 22 but I'm still living with my parents cause I'm a student and god knows students are poor :P) and told me it's the 4rd day in a row he's been crying and always thinking about me cause on friday I came at home highly intoxicated on alcohol and I passed out on the floor and nearly choked out on my own vomit. He told me he keeps thinking about that moment, that it made him so sad to see me in that state. We are very close to eachother so we had been talking a few times about my addiction to alcohol in the past. Though, this time was different, he told me how much he cared about me with tears in his eyes and I had never seen my father cried before. Not even when his own father died. This seems very cute and stuff and made me even more confident that alcohol should get out of my life but I don't know how to react in those moments. I tried quitting a bunch of times and he knows it so I don't know how to prove him that this time is the right one. I showed him the forum (He doesn't speak english so he can't read haha) and told him that it's one of the ways I'm taking to get sober. Also that I'm doing a challenge called "Les 28 jours les plus long de ta vie" here in Quebec to raise funds to help children struggling with alcoholism and that the goal is to not drink for the whole month of February. Even with those things I still feel that he is scared and not convinced because he keeps begging me to go see a psychologist which I don't really feel comfortable doing.

What would you guys do? Should I go see the psychologist even though I don't feel like doing it just to make my father feel better? Am I not doing this for myself? Do you guys do this only for yourself or do you take some actions just to satisfy your loved ones?

BTW, just writing this made me feel better because it's really weird but the stress caused by that conversation kinda made me feel like having a drink. My goal to be sober is stronger though and I will resist and finally get this over with.

least

I can't see where seeing a psychologist could hurt you, it might even help. Give it a good try. I see a counselor and it helps me a lot.

Notimetoloose

My heart goes out to you both.
Reassure your Dad and let your actions speak for you and as each day finishes you and your Dad will know.
I agree see a therapist, counselor, meetings, find support that helps you. Whatever it takes, it's worth it.
We have Feb fast here in Australia as well

Tamerua

Why not try it? Or maybe a meeting?

What I do know is that you have to want this for you.

awuh1

AA? Something that shows him you are serious about this would do a lot for his piece of mind I'm sure.

malcolmsloan

Addiction is so crazy, and I'm pretty new, so all I can offer is my experience. When I made the commitment to really stick with being sober, with living a sober life, it had to be for me, my decision 100%. This is actually scary to admit, but I couldn't do it for my kids, for my wife, for anyone but me-my life, my choices. Just my experience. I hope it can spark some reflection for you.

freshstart57

There is one thing that would give him peace of mind and ease the bone crushing worry that only a parent can have for a child. Quit drinking, not for the month of February, but for good. Do everything YOU have to do to succeed. Accept no failure. You may be living in your parent's home, but you are old enough to know what you must do, and old enough to see it through.

Are you ready to make your plan about continuing to use alcohol?

Now before you flip me off thinking I don't know what your situation is like, I can tell you I quit drinking after the same conversation I had with my father. My Dad laid it out like this, though. He told me I could keep drinking, or keep my marriage, kids, job, house, physical and mental health, but I cannot do both. That is who I am.

I quit, and you can quit too.

kcvalentine

Why not try therapy, Habs? It can be really helpful and cathartic. And most people tend to like to talk about themselves. I know I do - ha! The way your dad loves you is really touching. Something to be cherished to be sure. xo

SillyString

I think if you are serious about it, really serious, you should try to accept any and all help offered. A psychologist might be very helpful to you. You don't have to sit there with the psychologist with your dad or parents sitting there with you. Anything you say to the psychologist would be held in strict confidentiality (or the therapist would absolutely lose their license!). So don't be afraid that you can't be yourself. You never know what relief it could be to let out your fears and anxiety in a safe and supportive (and nonjudgmental) place like a therapist's office. I say go for it. It could really do wonders for you, and if it helps your dad a little bit too by seeing you go, what's the harm. I have a son. I would die for him. I would literally do anything for him to help him if he needed help. This is how your father feels. Worried for you and about you, because he loves you with everything he is.

You are a young man, and I know that people your age LOVE to party. It's practically an Olympic sport for people in their 20's! (Ask me how I know - I was your age once!!). If I could go back 22 yrs. and give my young self a warning for the future, I would say, "Stop drinking now. It gets very, very ugly. Save yourself while you can - avoid years of heartache and trouble."

You sound like a very smart and caring person. I hope you choose to live without alcohol. It really can be really, really awesome. I only wish I had done it sooner.

ErikT

Ive said this a million times but Ill say it again.....nobody...NOBODY ever got sober by beginning with a list of things they WEREN'T willing to do.

360shoes

It has always been interesting to me how both drinking and quitting are such solitary journeys. Yet both seemed to impact so many people in my life.

Just didn't seem right for me to not offer them some part of the positive one. Heaven knows that they had their fair share of the painful side.

I may have had to sober up for myself and may have to stay sober for myself but I need them to help me remember and be grateful for the joy I can find in the world I sobered up in.

meta2u2002

The earth itself is a reflection of the soul. Every season, Be it the sunshine of discovery or the winters of discontent. The most important thing to remember is "To thine own self be true".

habsfan18

Thank you! I red you all and still I can't take the decision to go in thereapy right now since it wouldn't really come from me. Ill definetly think about it though! And yes Im doing the sober february thing but it's only as a motivation. I'm willing to continue afterwards. I'll try to find ways to motivate myself to stay sober by maybe rewarding myself every month or something like that.

ErikT

nothing changes,...if nothing changes.....

FreeOwl

what would you have to lose in trying AA for the month of February?

Nonsensical

Who pays for the liquor?

tootsl1

Habsfan, I wonder if you are afraid of what therapy might be about? It is true you only get from it what you are willing to put in, but I doubt that there is anyone who couldn't benefit from a little more self awareness. I wonder if you are asking us to say ' don't do this for anyone else, you can only do it for yourself' because I get the feeling that you know there is a problem even if you aren't willing to face it. You refer to your ' alcohol problem in the past?' Alcohol problems don't magically disappear honey. They evolve, they change, they find ways of kidding you that you're ok, but the don't disappear.
I hope you seriously consider getting help.

habsfan18

I do. I work part time and I'm doing an paid internship and lived in an apartment for a few months but I want to get out of university without any debt, which I think I'll be able to do, so that's why I'm staying with my parents.

habsfan18

You're right. I never got therapy and I guess I have prejudices. I know it's not the right way of thinking but I'm telling myself that my stuff aren't going bad at the point that I need to be followed by a therapist. I know for sure that they don't magically disappear which is why I'm on here. To help myself get over it which I think I'm doing well for now. I declined an invitation to go to a Job Happy hour without any regrets (I would have never declined that in the past). I'm starting to seriously consider going on therapy though as I think it at worse won't help me and I won't like it. What is sure is that it won't do any harm!