gahope88

I was in recovery once before, but quit after 90 days. My DOC was cocaine, but I have done everything else, basically. I didn't go into full relapse mode. I first started drinking in moderation then out of moderation and now I am back to controlling it again. My problem now is that my doctor prescribed me benzos and I didn't say no. Now I am over taking my medications or taking the prescribed dose but all at once and drinking on it. I also live with my husband in a house that is very 420 friendly (with my in laws lol). So I am smoking too. I am a high functioning addict so part of me doesn't really see the need to go to meetings and get sober. But my self esteem has taken such a beating that I am miserable. I want to go to meetings, plan to go to meetings, get dressed etc. but then pop a pill instead. I don't know whats wrong with me and why I can't just make it to a meeting. Any ideas? I am not just trying to whine, I really want the help.

PS my husband is very against 12 step programs.

least

You're just going to have to bite the bullet and force yourself to walk out the door and go to a meeting.

Why doesn't your husband like twelve step programs? Would he hinder you from going to meetings?

Dee74

It's hard to quit when everyone else in party mode and tries to convince you there's no problem..

I waited until I was no longer 'high functioning'. I recommend you act sooner than that.
The fall is very swift and the landing is a killer.

check out a meeting gahope...you might find you get some sober balance in your life?

Tamerua

I was high functioning too but I think that was my way of saying that I drank, had a job and no legal troubles. What I did have was a head and belly full of self loathing and I knew that I didn't need to drink it away. And it did get better. Try and make it to your meeting.

ErikT

Havent we ALL....as addicts....had a point in our addiction where we could say that nothing bad had happened yet? I didn't have any DUI's or physical issues....until I did.

ErikT

And I don't want to sound rude....but...does what your husband believe in really have anything to do with what YOU are willing to do to get sober? Nobody EVER got sober by beginning with a list of things they aren't willing to do.

suki44883

I think most all of us were high-functioning. At first. Until we weren't.

It doesn't really matter if you husband is against 12-step meetings. This isn't his recovery, it's yours. If you want to go to meetings, then go. If you want to try something else, then do it. You have ONE life. Don't let others run it for you.

tomsteve

"I am a high functioning addict so part of me doesn't really see the need to go to meetings and get sober."
that's the disease of alcoholism-cunning,baffling,powerful. that's what it want you to believe. its a liar.
its also patient and deadly.
this I another lie the diseases of alcoholism and addiction like to tell:
"I didn't go into full relapse mode.I first started drinking in moderation then out of moderation and now I am back to controlling it again."

"I don't know whats wrong with me and why I can't just make it to a meeting."
IMO, you havent conceded to your inner most self that you are an alcoholic/addict. since you say your husband doesn't like 12 step programs, im guessin you may be letting that stop ya from goin. don't let it. get some courage and go.

FeelingGreat

gahope88 I think you know what you have to do. You are looking for support from SR, which is great, but in the end you are the only one who can get off the couch and go to the meeting. And go again and again.
Be prepared for others to discourage you. No addict likes to see someone cleaning up before them.