Joshua14

Hello all, my name is Joshua and I am an alcoholic. No, I didn't just come from an AA meeting, no I didn't just have an awakening. I have known I was an alcoholic for many years now, but honestly didn't want to do anything about it because, well, I like the feeling of drunkeness. Sounds pretty bad, doesn't it. Well it is. But if you are reading this thread I hope you know the pain and anxiety associated with alcoholism.

I began drinking heavily after moving into the Houston TX area in 2000. Started off small, a six pack of pint beers a night...then up to 8 pints a night..then a liter of vodka or bourbon every two days. I had a sober period of about a year since then, and I can say I was a better husband and father then.

I woke up this morning, like probably 2 mornings a week, with the shakes so bad I couldn't hardly write. It didn't get better until I drank. Even then that was short lived and I was hating life ( aka going through bad withdrawals ) by 1:30 pm.

I have spent most of this afternoon reading threads on this site. I am very happy to see how supportive and non-judgemental the members of this forum are.

I have decided based on my history of trying to quit that I need to taper off alcohol. Cold turkey has not been nice to me. I had to have two bourbon and cokes after work just to feel normal, but the good news is that I WANT to do this...I just pray that I'll feel the same way at 8:00 pm tonight.

Alcohol is a demon that I do not want in my life anymore, but I am really scared of the withdrawal symptoms, thus I am going to try the tapering method.

I hope I will be back on the forums again this evening, I have been so inspired by the many stories of recovery here.

Any advice or inspiration would be so appreciated at this point, I am so tired of alcohol controlling me.

Much thanks in advance to my new friends here.

KateL

Hi Joshua. Many on here have beaten this thing and others are getting there so you have come to the right place. Welcome xx

least

Welcome to SR! You could also see your doctor for help in getting safely thru the w/d. Sometimes meds are given to help stop seizures and the anxiety.

I'm glad you found us. This is a very supportive site. I credit a lot of my sobriety to the help I've found here.

Joshua14

Thank you for the welcome KateL and least.

Not too worried about siezures, I've been on anti-seizure medication since I was a young boy, at least I hope that helps that part of the equation.

Good news is after my two bourbon and cokes I've had no other alcohol. May not sound like a record but it's a great start to me.

Today is day #1.

Impurrfect

Joshua - Welcome to SR!!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Hevyn

Welcome Joshua . I think it'll be very helpful for you to be here. It's good we can share our knowledge and support each other.

I was at the same point when I quit - tired of alcohol controlling me. It was never fun any more, just something I felt I had to do. I can't believe I was so afraid to let go. It feels wonderful to be free.

Joshua14

Amen to that, these are words of someone who has been there. Thank you so much.

I know it sounds like peanuts, but it's been over 3 hours since my last drink. By this time on any other day I'm feeling "no pain". Today I'm feeling anxious and worried, but know that I'm on the right track.

Even if I don't sleep a wink tonight I know that I'll feel better tomorrow, that is what is pulling me through.

Lots of water & gatorade, a healthy meal, started on vitamins and milk thistle.

Please dear Lord give me strength and healing, I have faith that You will.

My taper goal is through Friday at bedtime, and I hope that I will be alcohol free by this Saturday. My withdrawal symptoms will be dictating my taper schedule, but unless I have a goal to shoot for I'll never quit this downward spiral that I'm on.

Thank you, my friends. I hope someday to have the strength that you all have.

Taking5

Joshua,

If you don't sleep tonight - insomnia is pretty common with us - be sure to post here. Lots of Europeans, Aussies and Kiwis on this board when us yanks are (normally) asleep. Lots of other people from around the world too. In fact I am kind of hoping there is a drunk scientist in Antarctica so we could say we have members from all 7 continents at SR.

Also check out the chat room if you're interested.

Joshua14

Will do, thank you so much.

HenryKrinkle

Welcome Joshua. Glad you found SR. You will find lots of support, understanding and encouragement here.

tootsl1

Joshua, I think with the amounts you have been drinking, it may be an idea to get medical advice on the best way to detox. I am so glad for you that you want to do something about your drinking, your first paragraph could have described me before I accepted the need to change.

Check out the different threads here, there is so much support, even just reading on some if you don't feel up to writing. Plus there is a new class for every month quitting so you can check out the Class of February 2014, or the Year and Under thread. Hope to see you around.

Joshua14

tootsl1,

I hear what you are saying about seeking medical advice. And even though I know that is probably the best advice I have such a hard time bringing myself to go to a doctor. I have been reading for a long time on the possible withdrawal symptoms and I won't lie, they scare me. I will never claim to be a dr. or to know the correct way to go about detox'ing, but have been doing lots of reading and research to try and do this myself.

I have no doubt that if the sympotms get too bad I'll be at the doctors office, but really want to try this on my own.

I know that this is probably not a smart answer for me to be giving, but I am just being completely honest about my situation...hoping that returning to a life of honesty will help me recover mentally.

Joshua14

Good news is I've only had the two drinks I mentioned in my first post plus one beer. This gives me hope that I can do this. Oddly I am looking forward to an all nighter if it means ill feel just a little better tomorrow.

I know I'm on a long road to recovery but I am seeing light at the end of the tunnell...at least for today.

ErikT

I admire your true desire to want to quit....I really do. My suggestion to you would be to go to the hospital. There they will give you meds to get you thru the initial withdrawal symptoms comfortably. If you have drank so much that you now shake badly and sweat when you try and sleep and so on.....then you really should see a doctor. You can die from alcohol withdrawal. Ive been there. Theres no reason to put yourself thru the pain. Don't let embarrassment or fear of judgement keep you from the hospital. We have a disease and doctors and nurses understand that. Ive been on seizure meds since high school and I STILL had seizures from withdrawal. I almost died.

Joshua14

Thank you for your input, I am listening to what you all are saying. I am hearing what you are saying.

Erik did you quit cold turkey? What happened when you quit that almost killed you, the severity of the seizure?

habsfan18

Hi Joshua, I am pretty new on here but it already helped me a lot so be sure that everybody here wants to help eachother. And together we'll beat this thing!

ErikT

I think every alcoholic who wanted to quit at one point wanted to do it on their own. I did. I tried. I tried tapering off....but the symptoms were so bad that I found myself drinking just enough to ease them....but that's still TOO much. You'll never end up letting your body go thru the detox period the way you should. Hospitals will let all the alcohol leave your system while medicating you to not feel the full on symptoms. I have never heard of any alcoholic successfully weening themselves down to sobriety. I just don't want you to suffer.

ErikT

I quit cold turkey a couple times to try it on my own. I was still taking Dilantin for seizures all the while....but still had seizures. I went into cardiac arrest one time and a seizure almost killed me another time because when it happened I fell face first into my coffee table and cracked my head wide open. The third time....I stopped drinking cold turkey...but went directly to the hospital. They kept me for 3 days giving me Ativan for the shakes and anxiety and fluids thru an IV as well as potassium. You have lost so many vital vitamins and other things you need that you just cant replenish yourself the way and amounts you need. Not by yourself. After the 3 days....I went home and called the state and got state funded for inpatient rehab for 30 days. Did that and went home and threw myself into AA. That was over 10 years ago and Im still sober today. Don't deny yourself the help you need due to embarrassment. Do EVERYTHING you can for yourself to make this process as comfortable as possible and that ISNT trying to taper yourself at home. Too dangerous. You are probably dangerously low on vitamins, potassium, electrolytes, ( and NO....Gatorade doesn't fix that...I tried that)....dopamine, and you are probably dangerously dehydrated. These are all things you just cant replenish yourself safely. Sure, you maybe able to keep JUST enough alcohol in your system to feel okay, but....that doesn't address all the other stuff I just mentioned.

Joshua14

I hear what you are saying Eric.

How bad were your symptoms and how long did they last?

ErikT

I really hope you don't have a case of "yeah but that wont happen to me" syndrome. Cuz that's EXACTLY what I said to myself before all that crap happened to me. I had a friend who got sober telling me the same stuff Im telling you and I said to myself..."yeah but that wont happen to me".....then it did.