Mellybug

A good side-effect of all of this A drama and stress is that I've decided to apply what I'm learning to other aspects of my life as well.

For example: my coworker and I have worked as a "team" for nearly 3 years. She has left me "high-and-dry" too many times to count, including going on maternity leave early due to "medical complications" (conveniently 2 days after her temporary replacement shows up - both times. One time, sure. Twice? Naw. Then admitting to people that she talked her doctor into signing for it). She's a very selfish person and always does the bare minimum, NEVER works a full 8-hour day, and pretty much has been driving me INSANE with her lack of work ethic for nearly 3 years.

That's THREE YEARS of my life spent being upset about someone else's behavior. I've been putting in INSANE amounts of time and energy just trying to keep this department going. I have been under the impression my entire life that hard work is rewarded, and someone will take notice of all that I've been doing above and beyond the call of duty. I'll get that promotion I was promised at 18 months. I'll get that raise. My 6 month reviews have all been stellar...yet that promotion never happens. The raises have been minimal, at best. My partner's reviews have all been average...and yet she's gotten the exact same raises and no promotion, either.

Today I decided to let it go. Why work myself into the ground for no appreciation or recognition? In fact, I even have RESENTMENT for trying to be "better than everyone else" when in fact I'm just trying to work as hard as I can to succeed!

I've decided to just take it easy. My work can still get done without me stressing about it. Just like in my relationship with my ABF - why work so hard for no reward? Even Pavlov's dogs stopped salivating at the sound of the bell after a while of not receiving food at the same time....

...and it didn't take them 3 years, I'll bet....

shil2587

I have been feeling the exact same way, lately. I used to feel I was constantly failing at work no matter how hard I tried because there was always something to improve on, always someone who I didn't get on with. Only now have a I started to realise how co dependant I was being by beating myself up when I couldn't please someone or wasn't the best. I would accept unacceptable bullying behaviour.

Now, I have stopped valuing myself by what others seem to think of me. Surprise surprise, I am doing much better at work and am actually enjoying my job again. I have even asked for a pay rise for the first time in my life. I got overlooked last year when I allowed myself to be bullied by a previous boss. SR has shown me that I don't have to accept bad situations as somehow deserved. I have the right to stand up and be respected for the wonderful things I can offer.

Just wanted to share that you're not alone in finding other aspects of your life are getting better. SR is a place of much wisdom!

Mellybug

Thanks for your reply! I had actually requested a raise (not only for myself but for my coworker) because we were told our responsibilities were going to more than DOUBLE! I literally argued with the manager on our own behalf but was told we wouldn't be getting a raise because our SKILL SET was not increasing. We'd still be doing the same types of procedures (using the same types of programs), just a bunch more of them. We argued for literally 30 minutes back and forth about it...and I was labeled as a trouble-maker as a result.
I finally had to retake our "Harassment in the Workplace" program for 2014 and using what I had there went to my manager and filed a complaint against a bullying coworker (after having already followed the steps also outlined in the program to no avail). I'm sure that didn't add to my "trouble-maker" status. But I will NOT allow myself to be on the clearance rack at Wal-mart...I am in the glass display at Macy's!

Since I'm having a medical procedure tomorrow, I felt that it was time to put my foot down and decide that I need to NOT STRESS today - for myself. My ABF does not get to stress me out today...my coworkers do not get that power, either. NOBODY does.

One day at a time...each day an improvement...

honeypig

It's right there in Step 12, mellybug: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Every so often a thread starts up where someone posts, just as you have done, about their recovery and how they see progress in areas that have nothing at all to do with the A in their life. One after another, folks will post about changes they are noticing, some huge and sweeping, others small and quiet, but ALL making a difference in the poster's life. "Practicing these principles in all our affairs" is a pretty great thing, w/some pretty great results.

Congrats on your progress!

ladyscribbler

I've decided to just take it easy. My work can still get done without me stressing about it. Just like in my relationship with my ABF - why work so hard for no reward? Even Pavlov's dogs stopped salivating at the sound of the bell after a while of not receiving food at the same time....

...and it didn't take them 3 years, I'll bet....

I lol'd at this. Smart dogs. Love this post.