Gracey

My husband said that he was going to go to church with me on Sunday, he never made it…..I had decided the week prior that no matter what he was going to decide about church I was going to go anyway and I did……

When I came home from church my Husband was gone, he went to his mother’s (I was gone a little over an hour) he couldn’t go to church with me, okay fine……he didn’t come home till 7:30 lastnight….(he has been sober for 63 days) so I knew he wasn’t drinking, and I knew he was helping his mom……..I had kept myself busy cleaning the house the whole day and doing laundry and watching the kids in the pool……..the day zipped by……I sat down around 6:00 lastnight, I started to cry and wonder why he chose to be with his mom the whole day…..he did tell me during the week that he was going to go to his mom’s one day on the weekend…..I told him the day he goes, will be the day I go up north and spend the day with my dad……he started to argue with me and say you just went last weekend, do you have to go again……..we don’t have the money to go……we have three b-days coming up and vacation…..so Okay fine, I didn’t go see my dad……….I can admit to being very jealous that he chose and was able to see his mom the whole day.

When he came home, he knew I was upset even though I told him nothing was wrong…..he said I was acting distant……..(he was right, but I was trying so very hard to hide it)……I know I shouldn’t be feeling so jealous, I think I needed to deal with my feelings by myself, because they probably were not justified…….(which I am not totally convinced they weren’t somewhat justified) just because he spent the day with his mom…….Why do I have this need for him to be with me so much???? I think It would have been a lot easier if I could have went to see my mom and dad….It took everything I had to not call him at his mom’s…..I did only the once when I came home from church and he wasn’t home and I wanted to confirm that he was there….

Alexia

Maybe he went to see mom because she helps with his sobriety? Just guessing.
I also want to be with my AH all the time, which he sees as smothering and just pushes away. When I get myself involved with other things and act like it's no big deal and I dont miss him (we're separated), then he calls and comes around more.
Try to make yourself happy nomatter what he's doing. Be thankful he's still sober. Some of us are still praying for that day to come.
All my best to you,
Lex

Gracey

I am very thankful for my husbands sobriety for 63 days........

the problem is not my AH drinking or sobriety, I am trying very hard to not focus on his recovery....I am trying to focus on mine.......I want to make sure that if my husband does decide to drink again, that I am not going to fall apart........I have realized that our marriage has the same problems now in present as it did in past when he was drinking.......I have realized alot of it stems from my insecurities and jealousy......I am not going to take all fault, that is for sure.....I think most of the time I am the one that gets mad at him, and then he gets mad because i am mad....(how fair is that)......I really tried hard on Sunday to detach myself.......to have fun and accomplish things without my husband..............but the things I was accomplishing wasnt much fun.(cooking and cleaning) I hear some people really enjoy that......I havent found fun in that yet........I thought about hopping in the car and taking my kids somewhere.........but i was starting to drown in self pitty...........next time I will hop in that car.........but with no money........I wasnt sure what to do.........and going to a park didnt sound good at all..........I am at a park three times a week at my sons baseball practices.

Alexia

I find that walking helps me alot. I'm also reading my Al-anon books - ALOT, and a few books on codependancy which are helpful. I guess when my kids were small I was really busy with their sports.

Also, keep telling yourself not to react. Action, reaction, reaction to the reaction, etc just makes things spin out of control. Personal experience speaking here.

I'll be thinking positive thoughts for you!
Alexia

heartbroke1008

I completly understand how you feel. I had he same kind of weekend. I guess in time we will get better at doing things that make us happy. I can't offer any advice b/c I'm experiencing the same problems. I can tell you that most people tell me it will get better...much better in time. That is what I keep praying for and trying very hard to be patient waiting for that day. Sorry...I know this wasn't much help but know that I'm sorry you feel this way. I will pray for you and your family.

dax

For many years my husband went to way too many AA meetings. 2 TO 3 on mon, 1on Wed. 2 on friday, and he was gone most of every weekend for years. all day going to meetings. he wasa socializing with all his AA friends and I was not included. I made my own life.I have many non program friends. I horseback ride and do many other animall related activities. I am closer iof course to our 2 children than he is. MR AA was always away helping others. I f you live with an alcoholic drinking or sober. you will not be number one priority. Accept this. Sobriety and AA friends come first. It is not a normal marriage by any means. But at lest I know if he dies or I leave him, I can certainly get along without him. I did so for years especially when he was having his AA affair. I was never jealous of AA- now I am. No one with many years of sobriety needs this many meeting. He nows stays sober just fine on a lot less. Now we do trade offs. If one of us does something with others , we try to do something special together. I am now at lesat on par with sobriety. Only took 39 years of marriage to get there. dax