2bhappier

Well, I've been going to every AA meeting I can get to, even if I have to slog a long distance in the snow. I went to 2 yesterday. One was the one close to me and another was quite a ways away. The second meeting I went to had about 25 people in it and they all seemed to know eachother quite well. Initially I felt welcome but after the meeting someone said to me that if I don't come back no one will think of me, they will just say "don't let the door hit you in the A$$ on the way out".

For some reason that really hurt my feelings. The other meetings I have been to have been really welcoming. I know they are all different but after that comment I really DON'T want to go back there again. Hopefully this is not typical.

2bhappier

And, I think maybe I am just too sensitive.

keithurbanfan

Hi 2, I've never been to a meeting so I don't have any experience or advice about meetings. But my opinion is that it was extremely rude and insensitive. I also hope that's not typical in a place that is supposed to be helping people. I'm sorry it happened to you, but don't let it get you down. Just push forward and try to find meetings that ARE welcoming and most of all, don't give up!

Have a good day!

mnrn

I have been to a couple meetings & have never seen anything but warm & welcoming behavior. That is an awful thing to say to someone seeking help. Find a different meeting!! And you are NOT too sensitive. :-)

doggonecarl

One rude person out of 25...As far as you know, that person was, in a socially inept way, encouraging you to come back.

Not everyone can be Dale Carnegie and know how to win friends.

And yes, I think you are probably a little sensitive.

stairs

No, you are not too sensitive. What a rude way to welcome a newcomer to the meeting. Yuck!

Threshold

I don't think it's too sensitive to be hurt and startled by someone saying something rude to us.

having more experience with AA than perhaps you do I can give some backround that might explain what that person was saying. Many people in AA do believe and tell others that if they don't want or like the program (which may be what he meant by if you don't come back...to the program, not to that specific meeting) that it's just fine with them, you can get your misery refunded at the door and they won't try to get you to stay. But they will leave the light on for you after you've drunk some more, got desperate and come back to the program.

What he said sounds like his shorthand for the above. Of course I can't read his mind, but I've hear that sort of thing often enough in the program and that is the explanation I have always gotten. That it's a tough program that is there only for people who need it and are willing to do the work, and if you expect to be coddled or handled with kid gloves, you're out of luck.

Not all people in AA feel that way or behave that way, and I have no comment one way or the other, I am just passing this on as my own experience and possible explanation.

I have heard all sorts of things from people in the rooms that startled and even hurt me. Was it for my own benefit? The people who said it claimed it was...but then we are all different people with different personalities.

Some people did find sobriety and felt they needed that tough love attitude to do so. Others find they need a little more warmth and welcome.

If a meeting feels unwelcoming to you (not just a random person here or there) attend a different group where you can get the support YOU need to work your program and recover.

It's a great sign of commitment that you made the effort to attend another meeting. I hope that man's attitude is his alone and that he doesn't chase you away from support in recovery.

silentrun

I don't think finding it rude is being to sensitive. Letting it bother you is though. What was the surrounding conversation that made that statement possible? I have never been to AA but I can imagine there would be at least a few people that had issues still unresolved. When someone says something like that it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.

ScottFromWI

There are rude people everywhere in the world. Some of them are doctors, some are police , some are grocery store clerks, and some of them are at AA meetings.

It's certainly a rude thing to say, but it is what it is - a comment made by a rude person. Don't read anything into it other than that. It's OK to be sensitive, but overreacting to it and somehow projecting that persons rudeness onto the other individuals at that meeting, or AA in general helps no one, especially you.

2bhappier

Thank you all for your perspective. I tend to be very sensitive but I am aware of it and that's why I asked. Sometimes I am way too sensitive when I shouldn't be. I did not say anything back actually. I am sure I just looked hurt and confused. And, Carl, you are right, it was only 1 of the 25 people who was what I felt was rude. Threshold, your background information is very helpful.

I am sorry if I ask a lot of silly questions. I guess I am still feeling all of this out. I do feel like AA is a program that resonates with me (even though I am not religious at all). I've always felt sort of empty and like there is a hole in my heart and it seems like AA addresses that.

I also know and try to be aware of the fact that we're all human and not everyone is going to like me and I am not going to like everyone.

whiskeyman

Probably just a rude person, perhaps that person was having a bad day. we all have them.
Even in AA. I am a far cry from perfect. I can just try.

And i have been in AA a very long time and I am not religious.
Please do not let that stop you from going.

2bhappier

Whiskeyman, it won't stop me from going. I was actually initially worried someone would try to push a specific religion on me and that has not happened at all. Granted I've only been going a short time. It doesn't seem like a religious program to me, more spiritual and I can completely accept the fact that there IS something greater than me. So, I think it does help me a lot.

freethinking

I am guessing this is someone with a good chunk of sobriety (and that they were trying to convey something to you....but not that you were unwanted at the meeting). A lot of people in AA have a tough as nails approach to things (even people here, as well). I choose to ignore those people. I find them obnoxious and have no respect for that way of speaking to people.

SoulKat

That was totally rude! When I'm not comfortable with a meeting I find another one. I don't know how many choices you have in your area but another option that I like are the online video meetings at The InTheRooms® Foundation.

GotGrace

Sheesh, I hope this person wasn't acting as Welcomer! It was very rude, but like another person said, probably just his poorly worded attempt at encouraging you to come back. Don't let the turkeys get you down. Let it go and keep the main thing the main thing: your sobriety.

Oh, and Congratulations on the great work you are doing!