light in the tunnel
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 3
light in the tunnel
Hi,
I am new on this forum. Reading through the posts, most of them seem so
familiar to me. Different stories, different people, but the theme is very similar. It is like the same novel from different perspectives.
My AH finally moved out from the house 6 months ago
and the divorce is in process.
It took me some time to make this tough decision, and finally as many of you, I was pushed down to the wall with no other route to go. First few years of marriage were fine, it did not occur to me that he had a problem until 4 years or so, probably because we were initially living in two distant places, because of work. Or perhaps I should say I was seeing red flags, but I was somehow denying that he could have that problem. And of course I was still trusting. Things were becoming progressively worse, especially when we finally started to live together and I saw what was really going on. 1.75 liter of pure vodka in 3 or sometimes 2 days. I wonder how strong his body must be to stand such amount of poison? I went then through all the stages, that a spouse of an alcoholic goes through: initial disbelief and denial , then anger, frustration, trying to hide the problem, trying to change him, and finally resignation. The idea of the divorce had to mature in me, I contemplated it a lot, perhaps the strongest push was from my teenage son who asked me: why are you tolerating this? Why are you surprised that he drinks even if he promises he will not? He will always drink! Turns out my son had a better view of this situation than I did. Meanwhile I got severely depressed, good thing I had some
family support. Now things are looking better, I realized how toxic
such relationships are and how one becomes dependent emotionally on
the behavior of the alcoholic. Finally I am looking at the divorce
as a liberation from this nightmare, it is a light in the tunnel, isn't it?
I am new on this forum. Reading through the posts, most of them seem so
familiar to me. Different stories, different people, but the theme is very similar. It is like the same novel from different perspectives.
My AH finally moved out from the house 6 months ago
and the divorce is in process.
It took me some time to make this tough decision, and finally as many of you, I was pushed down to the wall with no other route to go. First few years of marriage were fine, it did not occur to me that he had a problem until 4 years or so, probably because we were initially living in two distant places, because of work. Or perhaps I should say I was seeing red flags, but I was somehow denying that he could have that problem. And of course I was still trusting. Things were becoming progressively worse, especially when we finally started to live together and I saw what was really going on. 1.75 liter of pure vodka in 3 or sometimes 2 days. I wonder how strong his body must be to stand such amount of poison? I went then through all the stages, that a spouse of an alcoholic goes through: initial disbelief and denial , then anger, frustration, trying to hide the problem, trying to change him, and finally resignation. The idea of the divorce had to mature in me, I contemplated it a lot, perhaps the strongest push was from my teenage son who asked me: why are you tolerating this? Why are you surprised that he drinks even if he promises he will not? He will always drink! Turns out my son had a better view of this situation than I did. Meanwhile I got severely depressed, good thing I had some
family support. Now things are looking better, I realized how toxic
such relationships are and how one becomes dependent emotionally on
the behavior of the alcoholic. Finally I am looking at the divorce
as a liberation from this nightmare, it is a light in the tunnel, isn't it?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: South Central USA
Posts: 1,478
Originally Posted by glaucus 
Hi,
I am new on this forum. Reading through the posts, most of them seem so
familiar to me. Different stories, different people, but the theme is very similar. It is like the same novel from different perspectives.
My AH finally moved out from the house 6 months ago
and the divorce is in process.
It took me some time to make this tough decision, and finally as many of you, I was pushed down to the wall with no other route to go. First few years of marriage were fine, it did not occur to me that he had a problem until 4 years or so, probably because we were initially living in two distant places, because of work. Or perhaps I should say I was seeing red flags, but I was somehow denying that he could have that problem. And of course I was still trusting. Things were becoming progressively worse, especially when we finally started to live together and I saw what was really going on. 1.75 liter of pure vodka in 3 or sometimes 2 days. I wonder how strong his body must be to stand such amount of poison? I went then through all the stages, that a spouse of an alcoholic goes through: initial disbelief and denial , then anger, frustration, trying to hide the problem, trying to change him, and finally resignation. The idea of the divorce had to mature in me, I contemplated it a lot, perhaps the strongest push was from my teenage son who asked me: why are you tolerating this? Why are you surprised that he drinks even if he promises he will not? He will always drink! Turns out my son had a better view of this situation than I did. Meanwhile I got severely depressed, good thing I had some
family support. Now things are looking better, I realized how toxic
such relationships are and how one becomes dependent emotionally on
the behavior of the alcoholic. Finally I am looking at the divorce
as a liberation from this nightmare, it is a light in the tunnel, isn't it?
I am new on this forum. Reading through the posts, most of them seem so
familiar to me. Different stories, different people, but the theme is very similar. It is like the same novel from different perspectives.
My AH finally moved out from the house 6 months ago
and the divorce is in process.
It took me some time to make this tough decision, and finally as many of you, I was pushed down to the wall with no other route to go. First few years of marriage were fine, it did not occur to me that he had a problem until 4 years or so, probably because we were initially living in two distant places, because of work. Or perhaps I should say I was seeing red flags, but I was somehow denying that he could have that problem. And of course I was still trusting. Things were becoming progressively worse, especially when we finally started to live together and I saw what was really going on. 1.75 liter of pure vodka in 3 or sometimes 2 days. I wonder how strong his body must be to stand such amount of poison? I went then through all the stages, that a spouse of an alcoholic goes through: initial disbelief and denial , then anger, frustration, trying to hide the problem, trying to change him, and finally resignation. The idea of the divorce had to mature in me, I contemplated it a lot, perhaps the strongest push was from my teenage son who asked me: why are you tolerating this? Why are you surprised that he drinks even if he promises he will not? He will always drink! Turns out my son had a better view of this situation than I did. Meanwhile I got severely depressed, good thing I had some
family support. Now things are looking better, I realized how toxic
such relationships are and how one becomes dependent emotionally on
the behavior of the alcoholic. Finally I am looking at the divorce
as a liberation from this nightmare, it is a light in the tunnel, isn't it?
Im not the official welcoming committee but welcome and thank you for your post..it has helped me to read it this evening!
Hugs to you!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
Welcome to SR and thank you for your very good post. You managed to incorporate everything that most loved ones go through and can identify with.
Severe depression in the spouse is very common and can become very serious, and the spouse then becomes unable to make any decisions and unable to take any necessary action. It also gives the alcoholic the upper hand, as he becomes more inflated and over-confident as she disappears. And for any children in the house, they are abandoned then by both parents. So I am very glad you had family support and have made it through the tunnel.
As you continue getting better, I hope you will share with others what works for you.
Severe depression in the spouse is very common and can become very serious, and the spouse then becomes unable to make any decisions and unable to take any necessary action. It also gives the alcoholic the upper hand, as he becomes more inflated and over-confident as she disappears. And for any children in the house, they are abandoned then by both parents. So I am very glad you had family support and have made it through the tunnel.
As you continue getting better, I hope you will share with others what works for you.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
For some, well I suppose many, divorce is the only light in the tunnel when it comes to life with an active alcoholic. It is sad, but very true.
I'm glad to hear that light is shining again in your life. I hope that things will continue to get better for you!
I'm glad to hear that light is shining again in your life. I hope that things will continue to get better for you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 3
Originally Posted by EnglishGarden
Welcome to SR and thank you for your very good post. You managed to incorporate everything that most loved ones go through and can identify with.
Severe depression in the spouse is very common and can become very serious, and the spouse then becomes unable to make any decisions and unable to take any necessary action. It also gives the alcoholic the upper hand, as he becomes more inflated and over-confident as she disappears. And for any children in the house, they are abandoned then by both parents. So I am very glad you had family support and have made it through the tunnel.
As you continue getting better, I hope you will share with others what works for you.
Severe depression in the spouse is very common and can become very serious, and the spouse then becomes unable to make any decisions and unable to take any necessary action. It also gives the alcoholic the upper hand, as he becomes more inflated and over-confident as she disappears. And for any children in the house, they are abandoned then by both parents. So I am very glad you had family support and have made it through the tunnel.
As you continue getting better, I hope you will share with others what works for you.
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