Osakis

Every since Friday night, when my brother "slipped" (though I strongly suspect he's been drinking on the sly for a while), I've felt so bad. It reminds me of when my father was near death, and I was going through every day feeling like an elephant was sitting on my chest -- that's when I understood the metaphor, "the weight of grief."

This is worse in some ways because I don't see an end to it. I knew my father would be at peace soon, but I don't know when or if my brother or any of us will ever feel happy again.

I wish I could just run away, but I have to be here for my mother. In two weeks my brother is slated to move out of our house, but that will bring its own new set of anxieties.

Wish I could see some hope, but I don't.

Keri

smoke gets in my eyes

(((( Keri! ))))

Just wondering... is part of the bad feeling you're having the notion that you should be able to do something about or for your brother as regards the drinking? It's not your fault. It's evident from the tone of your posts how much you love your brother, but you can't love him out of it. I think some grief is inescapable when a relapse occurs in someone we love, but it doesn't have to consume us. As hard as it may be, do something nice just for you today.

Hugs,
Smoke

Osakis

Unfortunately, my co-dependent tendencies extend beyond my brother. I'm grieving also for my mother, who is devastated, and for my 13-year-old nephew, who shouldn't have to worry about his Daddy. It hurts so much to know the people you love are hurting so much.

Keri

jstacntryrose

Keri,
You all need to heal. Have you though of meetings for everyone. This might help you to get started. I know they have helped me, if it wasnt for this sight and others I would be a walking dead person. Keep comeing....
Rose
about.com has a wonderful site, meetings and 24 hr chatroom.
if you want more info drop me an email. I will be glad to send you the link.