2bhappier

I tried so many times. I worry about having to try again. In AA meetings it sounds like there is such a high number of relapses it almost seems inevitable. Do you know how long it took for you to get sober? Just wondering if I am just slower than most.

serious

i understood that it's going to take me as long as i live to stay sober.
maybe my last drink in eternity was two weeks ago. maybe not. today i will not be drinking.

i don't mean to answer this in a smart-ass way (although i guess i did)... i don't think there's any number of attempts after which you say: well, now i'm finally sober.

it seems that you just stay sober and create a sober life, fill it up with healthy activities, new hobbies, positive friendships. eventually it becomes your go-to point.

for me drinking became my go-to point, nomatter what happened in my life. i've decided to seriously stop (not take a break or moderate, but stop and for good) when i joined this site. since then i managed to create a new sober life (albeit with a few relapses along the way). but now if i fall down, i know what awaits me once i get up. and i'm looking forward to escape the AV by staying sober and not my life by being drunk.

to me that change is a profound success, regardless of how many times i'm going to try to get back up.

KateL

Just keep trying to me umpteen attempts x

doggonecarl

I said I was going to quit any number of times...usually after an extra miserable hangover. But it never stuck.

Only three serious attempts. Once in 1997. Relapsed and drank 13 more years. Quit in 2010, vowing never to drink again. Relapsed in two weeks. Next day, got back on the horse. Third time lucky. I've been sober 3 1/2 years.

Relapses aren't inevitable, but they are part of the addiction. Repeated relapsing can be a sign of the chronic nature of one's alcoholism. Or it's reflective of the ineffectiveness of one's recovery.

Either way, sobriety is hard earned and we should do all that it takes to achieve it.

hypochondriac

I was like doggonecarl in that I said I was gonna quit many times, basically I quit daily for 3 years and drank daily... I think at that point I was still thinking I could drink at some point, so it might as well been today!

Of my serious attempts I consider myself to have had a 'false start' rather than a relapse as I lasted a week then drank again for 2 days, and have since been sober for 23 months.

So however misleading it may seem I consider myself to have quit first time round...!

Bruce292

I relapsed more times than I can count. However, the time sober before each relapse wasn't time wasted. It gave my brain and body a chance to rebound and it gave me a glimpse of what life would be like if I stayed sober. When my sobriety finally "held" I had a plan and some support. There's no doubt about it, for many of us it's a process that takes time. Another thing I realized was that, for me, sobriety is a lot of hard work. I had to address my underlying issues to keep from slipping back into my dark places.

DG0409

This has been my first real attempt at quitting drinking. I did attempt 'moderation' previously and failed at that for years. Currently, I have 301 days alcohol free.

I tried a couple of times to quit smoking weed and failed. This is probably the third or fourth time I tried to quit it. I also tried unsuccessfully to moderate it at times as well. Currently I have 200 days weed free.

I started trying to quit smoking cigarettes. I must have tried at least 50-100 times. Sometimes I'd make it for a few days, sometimes a few weeks or months. The longest was once I made it 1 year and 11 months before thinking I could have 'just one' and relapsing for just over a year after that. Trying to quit smoking, sometimes I felt like I was going around in circles and it was frustrating and depressing. But I kept trying because I was determined to get free of them and I learned more and more about addiction and recovery. I learned coping skills. I learned that I couldn't have 'just one'. As I strung more and more times quit together, I started thinking, if only I hadn't started again and if I put those times back to back, I could have a long time quit. Now I have 399 days cigarette free.

I learned lessons from quitting smoking about addiction, relapse and recovery that have really helped in quitting alcohol and weed without having to go through so many relapses with them. But I suspect had it not been for those lessons, I would have relapsed a lot more with the alcohol before figuring out that I couldn't drink. I know that relapsing with the cigarettes always left me feeling depressed and upset and I don't want to go there with the alcohol.

Keep working at it. You'll get there.

SunnySideUp13

I think the key is to stop thinking ahead so much, that you may relapse, and instead, think, "Today I am not going to drink."
Worry about tomorrow when it gets here. Stick to being sober Today!
We're on your team 2bhappier!!

mecanix

10 years of knowing i should and failing .. sometimes a week or a month before i'd get it together to try again .

Last time i drank was on 3rd sept 2011 i hope .

Bestwishes, m

Betterlife1

I'm guessing I had about 3-5 quitting alcohol attempts with really only two somewhat significant abstinence periods (30 and 60 days). The rest lasted maybe a week or two. I'm day 15 now and I feel I have to just keep trying. If I fail, I will try again. But I also realize that the more I fail, the more damage this stuff will do to my health! I'm no spring chicken anymore (46)!! But don't ever give up!! The good thing is I used to smoke for about seven years when I was much younger. It took me about 8-10 attempts until I finally kicked that nasty addiction. So I guess my point is NEVER give up, but also understand the importance of doing it now and making every attempt to keep with it so it can't have more of a chance to make your life miserable. Good luck!

mfanch

My way: 827 times.
AA's way: 1 time. I have never had to use again since making that decision.

Aellyce

2bhappier - this is something I've been thinking about a lot since being active on SR, reading all the stories, observing patterns... I don't think I have anything significant to add here from my experience since this is my first serious trial with quitting and I only got into it in early January. One thing I always wonder, though: is this a truly valid question at all? I mean, how much time does one need to have under their belt to consider their sobriety stable and successful? Hearing all the stories of relapses even after a decade or more... I personally prefer to ask a similar question: how long did it take to get into the mindset of recovery from the point when a person started to feel addiction really becoming a problem? I like to think about this way, because *** (relapse) happens all the time, it can be pretty unpredictable, often triggered by totally unexpected and surprising life events. And like many on SR suggest, I also think the most important thing is to not give up and keep trying; if we fail maintaining, hop back on the wagon asap. This recovery-oriented mindset is what seems to have more meaning to me personally based on what I'm seeing around in the universe of addictions. I think it usually takes a long time for most of us to get into this vs denial and thinking that problems are not real problems of perhaps will magically disappear. Or even being aware, but not acting to change things for a good while (this was me). So in this sense, for me it has taken about a decade; it was ~10 years ago when my drinking started to be problematic but many more years to get to a stage to say it's not only a complication in my life but the most serious and also potentially life threatening issue.

Ethos23

I relapsed more times than I can count. Still don't know if I've found the magic bullet. I am on Day 34. I tried to learn from each attempt. What I have learned most from is humility. Arrogance seemed to get me in trouble each time I tried to sober up. I used to think I had made it each time I had a month or so sober. At this point in my sobriety I know that I need to approach each day the same, and that is what I try to do.

instant

Tried to give up many times. Achieved a few days here and there, a few weeks some other times, six months once.

I have only tried to embrace sobriety unconditionally once and its working for over two years

Dee74

I took me many years - 15 or so - to to be able to stop and stay stopped.

That was because for most of that time I was unwilling to change my life, and I had no support.

Find the level of support you need - and be prepared to make a few changes in your life - not only with the social aspect,. but how you deal with problems and emotions as well.

It takes a bit of courage and a little faith - but you're not alone

D

least

Too many times to count... I finally got serious about it and quit for good over four years ago.

FreeOwl

every day you make it through 24 hours sober is a day you got sober.

I think it's important not to let your alcoholic voice use that as a lever;

"ahhh... c'mon!! You had six days sober! You can get sober some more next time!! Let's let 'er RIP this weekend!!!!"

But just as importantly, I think it's pretty crucial to give ourselves credit. When we manage to string together a few 24 hours or a few days or weeks or months - we gain ground. We learn something new about ourselves and about living sober and about the GOODNESS that comes with living sober.

We also learn from relapse.... the despair and confusion and sadness and misery and helplessness that comes along with it and we learn more about how badly we want to stay sober.

And then - we can look at our "sober files" and play back the memories of those great sober days we've racked up and use them as motivation to go live that way some more - hopefully this time for good!

malcolmsloan

I was of and on for about 12 years. Then I had a year and a half of sobriety. After that, I quit every morning for about 7 years, no joke-every morning and every day I quit. I even told people that I had quit--and I believed it and meant it. Until 5:00 PM rolled around. Hmmm. . . to be honest I had a few 2-3 days of sobriety during those 7 years.

Kevin78

My New Year binge was my last blow out, I had prepared for this. Decided after too many relapses and binges, Debt problems, Family problems etc.. I had to do something. A kind of NY resolution. I simply have had enough. It will be 1 month sober for me tomorrow. I have given myself a few goals and targets, Trying to keep it simple and achievable.

kcvalentine

I quit drinking almost two and a half years ago. I have never relapsed but I am well aware that my addiction is a condition that must be managed every single day. I take my recovery very seriously and I feel solid in my resolve to stay and remain sober. I use the support of meditation, yoga and mindfulness and am not a member of AA (not that I'm opposed to it, it's just not my thing). You can do it, 2b! It's totally possible to quit and never go back! xoxo