HuskyPup

I might hold some kind of record for staring over. It's day three, after a very wild relapse that lasted for something like 24 hours, where I was more or less wired and manic, from drinking...and it scared me. And so I thought, OK, I'll make another try.

I know a lot of folks might have been hurt 'cause of how I acted in the past, things I said, and I'm sorry. I know I can be a handful, and say things I regret, and am working on this.

I was really scared to come back here, but decided to because I don't have much other support in my life, and a lot of various issues dragging me down, bad vision, teeth, facial pain, and what you could call existential angst/loneliness. And a feeling that the things I am good in life are not things that tend to make a living...so I get scared, like I am running out of years to turn all this around.

I'm seeing a therapist tomorrow

I dunno what else to say. I'm kinda odd, I could talk about my interests, what I would love to do if I had the money, but maybe that would sound too odd, at least parts of it.

H. Pup

Mags1

Hello H. Pup, don't give up giving up x

KateL

Yep, what Mags says. Keep at it and you will get there. I did xxxx

sugarbear1

glad you are trying again!

hugs and love to you

SillyString

Hi, Huskypup -
You're never going to believe this, but just a couple of days ago I was wondering if you were still posting here. I'm also trying AGAIN. On day 23 now. I remember reading your posts in the past, and I always enjoyed your take on things and your analysis and ideas about the nature of the beast.

I have no idea what you're referring to about bad stuff you've said in the past! I'm happy you're back, and I know you can do it. I finally believe I can.

HuskyPup

Thanks, everyone, and thanks, Silly, for thinking about me. My last relapse must have sent out some kind of psychic wave, or something, as I got one other notice, which caused me to also check back in here. And I guess I didn't really say any 'bad' things...but just the usual talk of this method vs that, gotten out of hand. I really try to avoid that!

doggonecarl

Better to talk about recovery. That's tangible.

You are no rookie. You must have an idea of what's not working and some idea what would work.

Do you think if your life was all cleared up and wonderful that you wouldn't have a problem with substance abuse?

Or is angst a reason to keep relapsing?

freethinking

I remember you from when I used to post a couple of years ago. I could be wrong, but I thought you used to post on the secular connections board. I used to post there too and was big into AVRT - but have since switched to AA this time around. Nice to "see" you.

whiskeyman

welcome back.

You dont hold the record, i think we all do.
I was right up there as well.

Keep coming back and type

ando68

Hey husky,
I'm not new myself either but like you am just back. Glad to hear your not giving in or giving up, after all that's just what the beast would want.
Ando.

sobercatholic

I don't know, husky, but it seems to me that you do possess courage.

HuskyPup

I think if certain things could be addressed, it would be a lot easier, such as chronic pain issues arising from teeth. TMJ, facial pain and poor eyesight, and the inability of being able to afford to treat these, despite having tried for about 15 years. A lot of my drinking seems to be pain management gone wrong, because I can't afford what the Drs suggest, even with insurance, so, after a point, I tend to break down, Or so it has been. It makes me feel like a nobody, to be refused by the dental school, but also not have the $4,000 it would take to fix the teeth stuff, and the $2,000-$4,000 or so to fix the eye stuff. Even if I don't drink for long periods, I've never had this kind of money, and have really, really bad credit. I think if I could treat these physical issues better, I wouldn't want to obliterate them and my worries about them away.

HuskyPup

Thanks! I sure hope so. Sometimes, I worry that I won't make it, that I'll just give up all hope. I had two suicides in my family in the past three years and two other attempts, so I get worried...maybe I'm cursed????? I'm still here, but I have trouble seeing hope for the future, or being excited about life, anymore, which worries me. I try, but it's so hard, I just wanna sleep most of the time, these days.

instant

Its great you are giving it another go

least

Welcome back. I'm glad you're giving it another go.

snipe

Welcome back HuskyPup! I'm also starting over for the umpteen and oneth time .

HuskyPup

Thanks, everyone. Glad to see I'm also not the only one in Maryland starting over for the umpteenth time! (I'm up in Baltimore)

Hevyn

Glad to see you back HuskyPup - I remember you well. There's no doubt you can get back on track and do this thing.

Dee74

Welcome back Husky.
what about turning all that on it's head?

if you focus on your recovery I can guarantee you'll come to look at the other problems in your life in a different way.

It took me 5 years to get all my dental problems addressed but I was happy and content in other areas of my life, and I learned about patience,

I won't say I had no pain but it didn't seem to matter as much with the post recovery mindset I had.

There are even more tangible benefits to recovery too.

The acids in alcohol are probably softening the enamel on your teeth and the post drinking anxieity is probably causing you to stress and clench and grind more.

Rather than self medicating you may actually be making the problem worse?

D

soberclover

Glad you are back HuskyPup and I'm glad to see you are meeting with a therapist in addition to support from SR