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Ex Fiancé - Is only upset wit me while in recovery.

Old 02-03-2014, 06:12 AM
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Ex Fiancé - Is only upset wit me while in recovery.

Need advice

Hello,

So my ex and father of my child has been sober for 4 months. Been on and off wit him as well. He is starting to go out to parties with alcohol around and do more things alone but now only goes to meetings when he "needs" them (once a week) he's no longer in his six month program. ... But for some reason he tells me he feels better without me around. He tells me he doesn't see us working it out anymore cuz it seems forced. . Is that normal behavior from an alcoholic? I'm just exhausted at this point.
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Old 02-03-2014, 06:17 AM
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Have you considered AlAnon as a support for yourself? It could be helpful for you.
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Old 02-03-2014, 06:19 AM
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I have and will go this week.
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Old 02-03-2014, 07:23 AM
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A friend of mine once said she felt she was on a Roller Coaster with her active/sober alcoholic husband. When actively drinking it was "I love you please don't leave me"; when sober it was "the relationship just isn't working for him". From an outsiders perspective she just didn't see the writing on the wall. When drinking "he needed her support....quite literally he needed her to take care of everything so he could drink. When sober...she was just an added weight around his neck he didn't feel like dealing with. They've been married for about 20 years now and she is still on the roller coaster. She is emotionally and physically exhausted dealing with 4 children, a job, a house, a mortgage, and every day life on her own while he is doing exactly what he wants.
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Old 02-10-2014, 01:34 PM
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Hi Leana,

My ex was always changing his mind only the past 4 months. One week he wants to work it out and start going on dates again. The next week he changes his mind and said too much damage has been done to fix. I love him still but I know I cant help him. He needs to help himself. He is just keeping himself busy by playing basketball every day. He looks soo exhausted but I guess that makes him feel better and keeps him from drinking at this point.

I am starting to see a lot that I was blind to and I am starting my healing process. I am no longer emotional and cry when I see him from my broken heart. Im just taking it day by day.

I told him if we are meant to be together, when the time is right, we will figure it out.
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Old 02-10-2014, 01:51 PM
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My missus annoys me more when I am off the wine..... but in reality it is ME who annoys me more when sober because my real issues come to light... and deep down I have anger issues which when drunk are smothered by my dead drunken brain...

I suspect your ex/on again partner is venting his own internal anger at you because you are the only one there...... it may take him some time to realise this if he can at all

and as you said so... you cannot help him.. he has to help himself

If he is meant to be with you he will come back when you let him go
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Old 02-10-2014, 02:50 PM
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Hello TuxieMama,

I feel like Im his punching bag and am I no longer allowing myself to be. I have started the processing of packing my things and will be moving my stuff out of his house soon. Of course, he said I dont have to rush but like I told him. Its best that I do.

Right now, my focus is healing myself and of course my son.
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