joshlyman

This Tuesday there is a charity benefit happening at a bar that I used to drink at two or three times a week. It is a drinkers bar through and through-tons of regulars and their only purpose is to get drunk. I was one of those regulars and have made a fool of myself there on countless occasions.

I have no choice but to go to the charity benefit as my uncle is one of the organizers and his band will be playing for the first time. My parents are going, as are many other family members, who will make sure that I don't drink, so I am covered on that front.

I am bound to see people there that I've embarrassed myself in front of, and a few who I have hurt. What do I do? Ignore them and hide in the corner with my head hung in shame or should I go up to them and apologize? Chances are these people will be drunk so I am not sure what an apology would do, other than make me feel a little better. Has anyone every been in a situation like this and can share their experience?

Happy Sober Sunday

Iluvdisney

Quote: Chances are these people will be drunk so I am not sure what an apology would do, other than make me feel a little better.
Do just that!!

least

I don't think I'd be making any apologies if the people involved were drunk at the time. They wouldn't remember it anyway and if they're drunk they might get mad all over again.

I'd just go and enjoy myself the best I could and enjoy the band.

TigerLili

Just go and be normal. Be polite and friendly if you see people you've been rude to or what have you. Apologise through your actions by behaving properly. Most people are busy with their own lives and not that focused on you and what you are doing. If someone specifically calls you out on your past behaviour while you are at the event, then I would apologise. Chances are they won't though. If you decided you want to apologise to someone(s) there's probably a better time to do it than at this event.

kflee

I would just go and hold head up high for the fact that you are sober. It gives you the advantage to be clear and able to communicate in a professional manner while others will be drinking. If you keep you head high and show that you are proud of what you have accomplished so far, it will show that you know what alcohol has done in your past, and strong enough to stop those actions. I think that deserves a pat on the back. Good luck..

Joe Nerv

It's reasons like this I'm happy I had a strong support network in place when I stopped drinking. Sorry, but the above is simply not true. You have a choice. And you don't have to go. I don't know all the details involved, but I am certain there is nothing you HAVE (or anyone else HAS) to do, and the choices you make are up to you. Not anyone else.

Today I'm free to go anywhere and do anything, but my first year sober was a different story. I took suggestions, and stayed out of places I felt I was going to be uncomfortable. It was important for me to know I was free to do what I felt I needed to do. The people around me were understanding and supportive. I was told also that if I ever wound up somewhere where I DIDN'T feel comfortable, I could leave and didn't have to give any excuses. That did actually happen, more than once, and I slipped out quietly. Nobody even noticed.

This is your life, your sobriety, and your choices. If you feel like the price of not going is going to be more than the price if you do go, then I'd suggest getting clear with yourself about being able to leave if you want to. I've gone to many events I didn't want to be at simply to show my face and support. And then left. That's an option too.

I'd ask myself what's most important. My comfort and sobriety, or the others in this event. Early in sobriety we can cut ourselves some slack as far as responsibilities go. Later in sobriety, we don't have to.

joshlyman

Yes, of course I have a choice, but I've decided that I would feel worse not going. It's an extremely important event and has been in the making for months now. When I was drinking I was a huge flake and never went through with any commitments I made, especially to family. This is an opportunity for me to begin to rectify that. The venue is unfortunate for me but the support system that I will have there is good and that's why I feel okay going in terms of drinking and not drinking.

And I will only be staying for my uncles set, which will be an hour at the most.

KateL

Yeah, I would hold my head high and if anyone mentions it, just say something like, 'sorry I had one too many' then move on. I remember being really embarrassed sometimes and rightly so. However, other times, I had been paranoid and not behaved as badly as I had suspected anyway xxxx

Dee74

I stayed away from events like that for a long time.

It sounds to me like a tough thing to be doing this early in your recovery, Josh, but it's your decision.

At least have an escape plan if it all gets too much.

D

Lovenjoy

i agree with D, have an escape plan. it sounds like you have thought a lot of it through but you are still uncomfortable. when i first got sober i always had a way out planned so if i wasn't comfortable for any reason at any event i could leave. as to the people there - they aren't why you are going. head up, stay clear about your motives. don't drink.

FreeOwl

you might also consider arming yourself with a couple of simple lines if anything like "why aren't you drinking" or "remember when you _________"

Something simple, good-humored and to the point;

"Well, you and I know that I've had more than enough to drink in my life so far!! *insert charming smile*"

or

"Oh man... well, yeah I'm not sure I remember that!!! As it turns out though, I'm a heck of a lot more fun sober, so I've decided to stick with that!! *insert winning smile and move the conversation in another direction*"

Chances are if you are prepared with a disarming, slightly humorous and / or upbeat response to any potentially awkward or tempting scenarios, you'll find it's really no big deal and you'll be able to easily shift the conversation because the drinkers around you will be secretly anxious to get off the topic. Other heavy drinkers dislike the space that is created when someone shines a light on drinking as a potential problem, so they leap at the opportunity to shift gears.