Goodbye January
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 452
Goodbye January
Well, I made it through January. What a rollercoaster ride. This month started out with a bang, thats for sure. I posted about this earlier in the month. I decided to go to detox on January 1. Yes . . . Happy New Year family, I'm off to detox. I only stayed a few hours and came home. Went to intensive outpatient the following monday. They told me, at the end of Day 1 that they do not do IOP unless the client has first attended residential. Fair enough. They were kind enough to give me the name of a therapist. I have gone twice and really enjoyed it so far. We have worked through some of my background and I am now working on my goodbye letter to alcohol. Working on my letter stirs up some real emotions. Strange feeling, as I haven't felt those in a while (emotions). The first emotion I feel is fear. It makes me kind of nervous, but then I settle down and can work through my feelings. It really is a therapeutic exercise to say goodbye to alcohol.
Today I am on Day 31. Physically I feel fantastic. I am back up to running 35+ miles per week and eating well. Emotionally . . well, lets just say I'm cautiously optimistic. For the first time, since I have attempted sobriety, I am being truthful with myself about where I am in my sobriety/recovery. I used to get to 30 days or so and think that I had it in the bag and that I was much further along the journey than I actually was. Right now I know that I am in the infancy of my sobriety. My emotions are still a roller coaster some days.
I have also been honest with myself regarding alcohol. I have come to peace with the fact that I can't even have one drink. I can moderate it for a bit, but EVERY single time I end up in the same place. Multi-day blackout binges that leave me reeling withdrawals. Not only have I come to peace with the decision, but I have involved others in my recovery. I have come clean with my family and very close friends. You want a weight lifted off you instantly? Sit your family down and talk to them. Wow!! What a great feeling? I am slowly learning to love myself and put myself and my sobriety first in all situations. I took the initiative to decline the invitation to an event where there will be an open bar and many of the people I used to drink with will be there. I am proud of myself for that. I never would have done that in the past. I would have been over-confident, attended the event then relapsed a couple of days later because of the resentment I harbored against the people attending the event that could drink normally. I can't drink normally. I just can't. Much the same way someone with a peanut allergy cannot eat peanuts. Doesn't matter if they abstain from them for 10-years, the result will be the same if they eat the nut; they will become extremely ill. Same for me. I can abstain for 10-days or 10-years. If I pick up the first drink the result will be the same.
I am in a good place right now. I am in early sobriety, but I am on the right path, that much is for sure. I will stay on this path by living a life that wholly supports my sobriety. I do that by:
-Eating well,
-Exercising,
-Not becoming overly rigid in my routines/goals,
-Rewarding myself,
-Seeking the support of others,
-Keeping my emotions in check,
-Evaluating all of my life choices as choices that "support my sobriety" or choices that "put my sobriety at risk"
Best to all!
Today I am on Day 31. Physically I feel fantastic. I am back up to running 35+ miles per week and eating well. Emotionally . . well, lets just say I'm cautiously optimistic. For the first time, since I have attempted sobriety, I am being truthful with myself about where I am in my sobriety/recovery. I used to get to 30 days or so and think that I had it in the bag and that I was much further along the journey than I actually was. Right now I know that I am in the infancy of my sobriety. My emotions are still a roller coaster some days.
I have also been honest with myself regarding alcohol. I have come to peace with the fact that I can't even have one drink. I can moderate it for a bit, but EVERY single time I end up in the same place. Multi-day blackout binges that leave me reeling withdrawals. Not only have I come to peace with the decision, but I have involved others in my recovery. I have come clean with my family and very close friends. You want a weight lifted off you instantly? Sit your family down and talk to them. Wow!! What a great feeling? I am slowly learning to love myself and put myself and my sobriety first in all situations. I took the initiative to decline the invitation to an event where there will be an open bar and many of the people I used to drink with will be there. I am proud of myself for that. I never would have done that in the past. I would have been over-confident, attended the event then relapsed a couple of days later because of the resentment I harbored against the people attending the event that could drink normally. I can't drink normally. I just can't. Much the same way someone with a peanut allergy cannot eat peanuts. Doesn't matter if they abstain from them for 10-years, the result will be the same if they eat the nut; they will become extremely ill. Same for me. I can abstain for 10-days or 10-years. If I pick up the first drink the result will be the same.
I am in a good place right now. I am in early sobriety, but I am on the right path, that much is for sure. I will stay on this path by living a life that wholly supports my sobriety. I do that by:
-Eating well,
-Exercising,
-Not becoming overly rigid in my routines/goals,
-Rewarding myself,
-Seeking the support of others,
-Keeping my emotions in check,
-Evaluating all of my life choices as choices that "support my sobriety" or choices that "put my sobriety at risk"
Best to all!
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic
Posts: 552
Congrats on a month! I really liked how you mentioned your new awareness that 30 days is sobriety in it's infancy. It's a marathon and there's a lot to be said for learning to be the turtle. :-) I also like that you've incorporated NOT being overly rigid into your plan. It's so easy to end up throwing in the towel when things don't unfold in the way that we envision. Keep up the good work!!!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Ethos23 - I also started my first true attempt of sobriety this January. With SR 
I think it will always be ingrained in me no matter what the future holds for me.
I relate to many of your points.
Stay strong, I try to do the same
I think it will always be ingrained in me no matter what the future holds for me.I relate to many of your points.
Stay strong, I try to do the same
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
