Struggling with rehab
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 77
Struggling with rehab
Hello,
On 16th January, I decided that enough is enough and was admitted to a private rehab unit. I had become a 24/7 drinker, even setting my alarm in the middle of the night so that I could get myself another glass of wine to avoid the risk of withdrawals or a fit when I woke up in the morning. I realised that I was fighting for my life.
The purpose of this post was really to ask if anyone else has been through a similar process to aid their recovery and if they are willing to share their stories?
It has been an emotional rollercoaster for me. I drank about three bottles of wine across 12 hours or so on the day of admission, as I was so nervous about leaving the comfort blanket of my home. I hadn't even left the house for a good month or more unless I had consumed a drink first. I had become a prisoner in my own home.
I finished the course of Librium detox medication a few days ago and physically feel a lot better. However, I suffer from severe anxiety disorder (the worst part is a complete obsession with my breathing, e.g. ('am I breathing at the right depth and rate?'), monitoring it all day, and being unable to 'let go' of it). So, I end up breathing manually and hyperventilating. I had been prescribed Diazepam by the doctor on site (5mg three times a day), but it was only mildly taking the edge off and he now wants me to reduce my dose. He also insists I take Citalopram, even though I tried it once for a month and a half and by the sixth week, I threw myself on the floor, kicking and screaming, insisting I wanted to kill myself.
I am a blubbering wreck most days and feel like the main reason I drank in the first place is not being addressed. Of course, the Diazepam is just a substitute for alcohol and is also masking my symptoms. We have CBT, group therapy, mindfulness, you name it, but there are many other people staying, and of course it has to be tailored to the needs of the group as a whole. The worst part is when the CBT therapist tells us to focus on our breathing during the meditation, and I had to leave the room today, as I felt like I was about to flip out and have a panic attack.
I also feel as though I am being criticised for not putting enough effort into the programme. I have been getting by on four hours' sleep a night, just in an effort to finish my Step 1 assignment, which was nearly 10,000 words long. I am painfully shy - literally so shy that I would barely utter one sentence all day at school, and still find it hard to talk on the phone and to shop attendants, etc. I was feeling positive the last few days as I had really pushed myself outside my comfort zone - I was contributing to group discussions when I felt I had something worthwhile to say, I went on my first outing sober in a good two months and was joining in with the banter in the car, and I managed to share at my first ever AA meeting, as the guest speaker also suffered from panic attacks and I really felt that I needed to push myself and speak out, or I would regret it. I wouldn't have dreamt of doing any of these things before coming to rehab and really felt I was getting something out of it, so I decided to stay an extra week.
My key worker has criticised me for phoning home too much and isolating myself from the group, despite the fact that I spent most of yesterday afternoon sitting in the living room, joining in with the conversation and always try and contribute to the group discussions in therapy. Now he is wanting a decision here and now to take my laptop and phone away from me, despite the fact everyone else is allowed theirs, and keeps comparing me to one of the newer arrivals, who he claims has come a lot further and joins in more. He claims my laptop and phone are now my alcohol. I use my laptop for my assignments, and have barely used it for leisure, apart from to order a birthday present for my partner. So, I made a comment about all the smokers and how they are still allowed their fags or don't have them rationed depending on how heavy a smoker they are (no disrepect to smokers - it is a stressful situation and a lot of them are admitting to smoking more since they came into rehab and it is entirely their decision to do so). I am typing this in floods of tears. I am already missing my partner's 30th birthday to be here, I haven't phoned him today and I miss him so much. I just feel like throwing myself under a train at the moment or going back home and drinking until I don't wake up. I really wanted to be abstinent and understand what is required of me, but singling me out because of my personality feels like discrimination and I just want to pack my bags, say '**** this' and go home.
I'm so sorry - I just had to get this off my chest
.
On 16th January, I decided that enough is enough and was admitted to a private rehab unit. I had become a 24/7 drinker, even setting my alarm in the middle of the night so that I could get myself another glass of wine to avoid the risk of withdrawals or a fit when I woke up in the morning. I realised that I was fighting for my life.
The purpose of this post was really to ask if anyone else has been through a similar process to aid their recovery and if they are willing to share their stories?
It has been an emotional rollercoaster for me. I drank about three bottles of wine across 12 hours or so on the day of admission, as I was so nervous about leaving the comfort blanket of my home. I hadn't even left the house for a good month or more unless I had consumed a drink first. I had become a prisoner in my own home.
I finished the course of Librium detox medication a few days ago and physically feel a lot better. However, I suffer from severe anxiety disorder (the worst part is a complete obsession with my breathing, e.g. ('am I breathing at the right depth and rate?'), monitoring it all day, and being unable to 'let go' of it). So, I end up breathing manually and hyperventilating. I had been prescribed Diazepam by the doctor on site (5mg three times a day), but it was only mildly taking the edge off and he now wants me to reduce my dose. He also insists I take Citalopram, even though I tried it once for a month and a half and by the sixth week, I threw myself on the floor, kicking and screaming, insisting I wanted to kill myself.
I am a blubbering wreck most days and feel like the main reason I drank in the first place is not being addressed. Of course, the Diazepam is just a substitute for alcohol and is also masking my symptoms. We have CBT, group therapy, mindfulness, you name it, but there are many other people staying, and of course it has to be tailored to the needs of the group as a whole. The worst part is when the CBT therapist tells us to focus on our breathing during the meditation, and I had to leave the room today, as I felt like I was about to flip out and have a panic attack.
I also feel as though I am being criticised for not putting enough effort into the programme. I have been getting by on four hours' sleep a night, just in an effort to finish my Step 1 assignment, which was nearly 10,000 words long. I am painfully shy - literally so shy that I would barely utter one sentence all day at school, and still find it hard to talk on the phone and to shop attendants, etc. I was feeling positive the last few days as I had really pushed myself outside my comfort zone - I was contributing to group discussions when I felt I had something worthwhile to say, I went on my first outing sober in a good two months and was joining in with the banter in the car, and I managed to share at my first ever AA meeting, as the guest speaker also suffered from panic attacks and I really felt that I needed to push myself and speak out, or I would regret it. I wouldn't have dreamt of doing any of these things before coming to rehab and really felt I was getting something out of it, so I decided to stay an extra week.
My key worker has criticised me for phoning home too much and isolating myself from the group, despite the fact that I spent most of yesterday afternoon sitting in the living room, joining in with the conversation and always try and contribute to the group discussions in therapy. Now he is wanting a decision here and now to take my laptop and phone away from me, despite the fact everyone else is allowed theirs, and keeps comparing me to one of the newer arrivals, who he claims has come a lot further and joins in more. He claims my laptop and phone are now my alcohol. I use my laptop for my assignments, and have barely used it for leisure, apart from to order a birthday present for my partner. So, I made a comment about all the smokers and how they are still allowed their fags or don't have them rationed depending on how heavy a smoker they are (no disrepect to smokers - it is a stressful situation and a lot of them are admitting to smoking more since they came into rehab and it is entirely their decision to do so). I am typing this in floods of tears. I am already missing my partner's 30th birthday to be here, I haven't phoned him today and I miss him so much. I just feel like throwing myself under a train at the moment or going back home and drinking until I don't wake up. I really wanted to be abstinent and understand what is required of me, but singling me out because of my personality feels like discrimination and I just want to pack my bags, say '**** this' and go home.
I'm so sorry - I just had to get this off my chest
.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 77
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Hi wendolene 
I've never been to rehab but I can imagine the sheer pace of change and the circumstances can be rather confronting.
How long have you been there?
D
I've never been to rehab but I can imagine the sheer pace of change and the circumstances can be rather confronting.
How long have you been there?
D
I've been here for two weeks now and I'm being discharged on 6th February, so my stay will be three weeks in total.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,443
Hi Wendolene,
I went to rehab for three weeks. I did everything they told me to do. Even if it was hard and uncomfortable, I did it.
I took as much as I could from the experience even though I was sick and miserable and anxious and angry and sad and tired. I got stuff out of it that I didn't realize I got out of it until years later.
In the long run, it was only three weeks out of my life and my best chance at saving my life.
I went to rehab for three weeks. I did everything they told me to do. Even if it was hard and uncomfortable, I did it.
I took as much as I could from the experience even though I was sick and miserable and anxious and angry and sad and tired. I got stuff out of it that I didn't realize I got out of it until years later.
In the long run, it was only three weeks out of my life and my best chance at saving my life.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
I think what you're feeling is all probably normal - from all I read here, it's normal to be homesick, and its normal to question the programme and the staff too, but I think it will be good to do the whole 3 weeks if you can?
Olives point is exactly what I was fumbling towards in my response.
I hope you hear from other rehab experiences here too.
D
Olives point is exactly what I was fumbling towards in my response.
I hope you hear from other rehab experiences here too.
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 577
Detox & early sobriety were a very volatile time for me as well. It took a while for me to stabilize after years & years of confusing my body's chemistry with booze & drugs. All I can assure you of is that it gets better.
This next week could make a huge difference...hang in there, keep coming around here, Good Luck!
This next week could make a huge difference...hang in there, keep coming around here, Good Luck!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 47
I completely understand how you feel. I'm new here as well. I am on day 3 with no alcohol and I feel even worse mentally and physically than I felt yesterday. I was in rehab almost 7 years ago and I remember being very frustrated angry and emotional in the beginning. That will go away in time. Take advantage of the medication and support there. I have been drinking about 2 1/2 bottles of wine every other night. The only reason I wasn't drinking every night is honestly because I'm too hung over. Anybody have any ideas for getting through the first few days with these symptoms to ease the withdrawal if you can't be in rehab or go to a doctor, due to a hold up in getting my Medical-Insurance I am too nervous to even get behind the wheel to go get something to eat because I know day 3 can be the day that seizures can occur so I'm just staying in bed. I'm not asking for medical advice just some idea of when I might feel a little better?
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Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: Probably my living room. Maybe my bedroom if I'm feeling lazy
Posts: 1,085
Former rehabber here. Now 10 months sober. But it's still so fresh in my mind.
First off, I completely understand how you feel. I too suffer from crippling anxiety, and took klonopin to control it. But in the rehab I went to, I was not allowed to take it, so I was basically unmedicated the entire time, once I finished my course of detox benzos. They pushed drugs at me to try to control my anxiety: vistaril, seroquel, clonidine, etc. Some helped a bit, most didn't. I don't know where you live (assuming UK based on your spelling), but in the U.S. at least, we always had a right to refuse drugs. I made it very clear to my counselor and the psychiatrist that some drugs made me feel very sick and could not take them and participate at the same time. So I took the drugs they gave me, but if I felt sick, I made it known in a concerned, but respectful way.
Of course you're feeling like a wreck. People don't go to inpatient rehab feeling like $100. I had panic attacks daily. I had to get up and leave group multiple times because I felt like I was going to pass out. 4 hours of sleep was a good night for me. But I tried to make the most of opportunity. Many people don't get the chance at inpatient rehab. It is a privilege.
I didn't go to a fancy rehab. We had no cell phones or computers allowed. We had 2 pay phones for 80 patients. I think I got to talk to my loved ones maybe 5 times in 30 days. I was cut off from the outside world and it was scary. But the one thing I'm glad I did was take the suggestions of the counselors, even if I disagreed or they made me feel uncomfortable. It sounds like you really are trying. But there is always the possibility that some of your actions may appear otherwise. You're only going to be there for a finite amount of time and then you're thrown back out into the world and expected to stay sober on your own. Grab as many tools as you possibly can in what will seem like such a short amount of time looking back.
So keep interacting with fellow patients. It's a such a good skill to have once you're out on your own and attending AA meetings. Consider giving up your laptop and phone. You don't need them. You may feel like they are the only things you have left in your life that you have control over, but they can also be a distraction to recovery. Do not compare yourself to others and their circumstances. What other people do or do not do, like with the cigarettes, is really none of your business. This is the time to focus on yourself. Recognize that this is not an easy, painless process. I missed a lot of events when I was in there. A major holiday, a tropical vacation with my girlfriend, work stuff. But when else are in your adult life are you going to have several weeks to set aside to just working on yourself without any outside distractions?
Just hang in there. Take the suggestions of the your counselors. Because when you get out, you'll be all on your own. And it gets you into the practice of listening to others with more experience than you. When my AA sponsor suggests something to me know, I don't fight it because he has 9 years sober and I have 10 months. I learned how to do that in rehab.
And finally, it's ok to cry in rehab. I'm a 31 year old male and I don't think I've cried more at any other time in my life than in those 30 days. It's clear you are starting to make some positive strides, especially being able to share in a meeting. This is just the beginning. Keep the momentum up. This place can literally save your life if you just surrender to the process. And trust me, if a complete screwup like me can make it through, I KNOW you can.
Best of luck. This is your chance to learn how to live again.
First off, I completely understand how you feel. I too suffer from crippling anxiety, and took klonopin to control it. But in the rehab I went to, I was not allowed to take it, so I was basically unmedicated the entire time, once I finished my course of detox benzos. They pushed drugs at me to try to control my anxiety: vistaril, seroquel, clonidine, etc. Some helped a bit, most didn't. I don't know where you live (assuming UK based on your spelling), but in the U.S. at least, we always had a right to refuse drugs. I made it very clear to my counselor and the psychiatrist that some drugs made me feel very sick and could not take them and participate at the same time. So I took the drugs they gave me, but if I felt sick, I made it known in a concerned, but respectful way.
Of course you're feeling like a wreck. People don't go to inpatient rehab feeling like $100. I had panic attacks daily. I had to get up and leave group multiple times because I felt like I was going to pass out. 4 hours of sleep was a good night for me. But I tried to make the most of opportunity. Many people don't get the chance at inpatient rehab. It is a privilege.
I didn't go to a fancy rehab. We had no cell phones or computers allowed. We had 2 pay phones for 80 patients. I think I got to talk to my loved ones maybe 5 times in 30 days. I was cut off from the outside world and it was scary. But the one thing I'm glad I did was take the suggestions of the counselors, even if I disagreed or they made me feel uncomfortable. It sounds like you really are trying. But there is always the possibility that some of your actions may appear otherwise. You're only going to be there for a finite amount of time and then you're thrown back out into the world and expected to stay sober on your own. Grab as many tools as you possibly can in what will seem like such a short amount of time looking back.
So keep interacting with fellow patients. It's a such a good skill to have once you're out on your own and attending AA meetings. Consider giving up your laptop and phone. You don't need them. You may feel like they are the only things you have left in your life that you have control over, but they can also be a distraction to recovery. Do not compare yourself to others and their circumstances. What other people do or do not do, like with the cigarettes, is really none of your business. This is the time to focus on yourself. Recognize that this is not an easy, painless process. I missed a lot of events when I was in there. A major holiday, a tropical vacation with my girlfriend, work stuff. But when else are in your adult life are you going to have several weeks to set aside to just working on yourself without any outside distractions?
Just hang in there. Take the suggestions of the your counselors. Because when you get out, you'll be all on your own. And it gets you into the practice of listening to others with more experience than you. When my AA sponsor suggests something to me know, I don't fight it because he has 9 years sober and I have 10 months. I learned how to do that in rehab.
And finally, it's ok to cry in rehab. I'm a 31 year old male and I don't think I've cried more at any other time in my life than in those 30 days. It's clear you are starting to make some positive strides, especially being able to share in a meeting. This is just the beginning. Keep the momentum up. This place can literally save your life if you just surrender to the process. And trust me, if a complete screwup like me can make it through, I KNOW you can.
Best of luck. This is your chance to learn how to live again.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
I went to rehab. I was in for 14 days. I detoxed at a separate hospital before going to rehab so the worst physical stuff was over.
I used to have anxiety and panic attacks before that time and was taking clonazapam. I found that I didn't have them, or noticeably have them, once I had gone through detox so I am only assuming that the attacks were as a result of withdrawal so I can't speak to that part of what you are experiencing. Some of my anxiety attacks were similar to yours in terms of the breathing and getting scared about not breathing so I do understand. It is frightening.
We were not allowed cell phones or computers where I was. There were two telephones shared by about twenty other people. When we were in sessions or meetings the phones would be turned off and no calls could be made in or out of the unit. To me it was a relief to not have phones or computers. I'm not a phone person and I didn't want the outside distractions. No answering questions or explaining what was going on or discussing things with people who may or may not understand.
It isn't fair if the counselors are comparing you to other patients but are they comparing you or are they trying to encourage you? If they have been consistent in commenting about your phone and computer use perhaps you may wish to put them down for a day. Or start with an hour at a time. I have found myself at times holding onto my iPad for dear life and substituting it for alcohol. Not engaging in and avoiding at all costs what is going on around me at times. If I overdo it I actually find myself waking up in the morning feeling like I have a hangover. Maybe look at yourself through someone else's eyes and try to imagine what the counselors are literally seeing, irrespective of your personality? We convey a lot about ourselves through our actions alone. Can you talk to them about this?
It is hard to quit drinking. I drank about as much as you did. For about twenty years. Rehab for me was a blessing. I felt safe. My health was monitored through the entirety of my stay. But my emotions were all over the place for a while. I didn't sleep well at first. And then everything evened out.
Hang in there. You are sad you missed or are missing your partners 30th birthday. That is understandable but...you want to go home and drink until you don't wake up. Wouldn't it be the best present to him and yourself to give the gift of sobriety?
I used to have anxiety and panic attacks before that time and was taking clonazapam. I found that I didn't have them, or noticeably have them, once I had gone through detox so I am only assuming that the attacks were as a result of withdrawal so I can't speak to that part of what you are experiencing. Some of my anxiety attacks were similar to yours in terms of the breathing and getting scared about not breathing so I do understand. It is frightening.
We were not allowed cell phones or computers where I was. There were two telephones shared by about twenty other people. When we were in sessions or meetings the phones would be turned off and no calls could be made in or out of the unit. To me it was a relief to not have phones or computers. I'm not a phone person and I didn't want the outside distractions. No answering questions or explaining what was going on or discussing things with people who may or may not understand.
It isn't fair if the counselors are comparing you to other patients but are they comparing you or are they trying to encourage you? If they have been consistent in commenting about your phone and computer use perhaps you may wish to put them down for a day. Or start with an hour at a time. I have found myself at times holding onto my iPad for dear life and substituting it for alcohol. Not engaging in and avoiding at all costs what is going on around me at times. If I overdo it I actually find myself waking up in the morning feeling like I have a hangover. Maybe look at yourself through someone else's eyes and try to imagine what the counselors are literally seeing, irrespective of your personality? We convey a lot about ourselves through our actions alone. Can you talk to them about this?
It is hard to quit drinking. I drank about as much as you did. For about twenty years. Rehab for me was a blessing. I felt safe. My health was monitored through the entirety of my stay. But my emotions were all over the place for a while. I didn't sleep well at first. And then everything evened out.
Hang in there. You are sad you missed or are missing your partners 30th birthday. That is understandable but...you want to go home and drink until you don't wake up. Wouldn't it be the best present to him and yourself to give the gift of sobriety?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 65
Surrender
On the face of it,
surrendering certainly does not seem like winning.
But it is in AA
Only after we have come to the end of our rope,
hit a stone wall in some aspect of our lives
beyond which we can go no further;
only when we hit "bottom" in despair and surrender,
can we accomplish sobriety which we could
never accomplish before.
We must, and we do, surrender in order to win.
c. 1955 AAWS, Alcoholics Anonymous, 2nd Edition, pp. 341-2
On the face of it,
surrendering certainly does not seem like winning.
But it is in AA
Only after we have come to the end of our rope,
hit a stone wall in some aspect of our lives
beyond which we can go no further;
only when we hit "bottom" in despair and surrender,
can we accomplish sobriety which we could
never accomplish before.
We must, and we do, surrender in order to win.
c. 1955 AAWS, Alcoholics Anonymous, 2nd Edition, pp. 341-2
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 77
Hello everyone,
Thank you for all your incredibly helpful responses.
Firstly, I would like to apologise for the smoking comparison. You are right - it is none of my business and I shouldn't have made that comment. It just upsets me that I have no crutch at all, but I guess that will only help in the long term. I was very tired and emotional when I wrote that post and some of those words came out before I had a chance to think about what I was typing.
I didn't hand my laptop and phone in in the end, but I unplugged it and put it away in a drawer. If I now want to use it for assignment work, I take it down to the communal areas, make an effort to join in and my key worker said he had noticed a difference and was glad I was attempting to become less isolated. I try and view my room as a place for sleeping and reflecting on my thoughts.
I am going to stick out the three weeks - if it saves my life, then it is such a small sacrifice to make. What is another 4 days anyway? We received some news today that a woman who was discharged just as I went in has found out she has stomach and oesophageal cancer. She is drinking heavily again. I had a lump in my throat when I found out, the poor woman. If that doesn't motivate me to maintain my sobriety, I don't know what will.
Thank you again, and you are an inspiration to me as a newcomer. As my therapist said to me: 'the light at the end of the tunnel is not an oncoming train'.
Thank you x
Thank you for all your incredibly helpful responses.
Firstly, I would like to apologise for the smoking comparison. You are right - it is none of my business and I shouldn't have made that comment. It just upsets me that I have no crutch at all, but I guess that will only help in the long term. I was very tired and emotional when I wrote that post and some of those words came out before I had a chance to think about what I was typing.
I didn't hand my laptop and phone in in the end, but I unplugged it and put it away in a drawer. If I now want to use it for assignment work, I take it down to the communal areas, make an effort to join in and my key worker said he had noticed a difference and was glad I was attempting to become less isolated. I try and view my room as a place for sleeping and reflecting on my thoughts.
I am going to stick out the three weeks - if it saves my life, then it is such a small sacrifice to make. What is another 4 days anyway? We received some news today that a woman who was discharged just as I went in has found out she has stomach and oesophageal cancer. She is drinking heavily again. I had a lump in my throat when I found out, the poor woman. If that doesn't motivate me to maintain my sobriety, I don't know what will.
Thank you again, and you are an inspiration to me as a newcomer. As my therapist said to me: 'the light at the end of the tunnel is not an oncoming train'.
Thank you x
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
I can't relate to your rehab experiences, but if you are doing 10,000 words for your first step "assignment" something is very wrong IMHO. There is no first step writing required, (nor on any steps except 4 and 8) and for all practical purposes you took your first step by being admitted.
Is this the rehab's requirement or something you are imposing on yourself?
Is this the rehab's requirement or something you are imposing on yourself?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
I am glad you are feeling better Wendolene and are sticking it out. I was very glad that I did do rehab. I had previously done outpatient treatment and didn't get much out of it.
I wanted to address what Taking5 said about writing on the first step. I only recently just read about someone writing a first step over on the alcoholism forum on SR. I hadn't heard of that before so I talked to my AA sponsor who laughed and said "girl, why do you think I wanted you to write about the unmanageability part?!" So, it is not unheard of and after she laughed at me I started writing one out myself since I hadn't followed that suggestion of my sponsor's before. I would take issue with 10,000 words part though. Kind of mechanical.
Hope all goes well. Keep us posted.
I wanted to address what Taking5 said about writing on the first step. I only recently just read about someone writing a first step over on the alcoholism forum on SR. I hadn't heard of that before so I talked to my AA sponsor who laughed and said "girl, why do you think I wanted you to write about the unmanageability part?!" So, it is not unheard of and after she laughed at me I started writing one out myself since I hadn't followed that suggestion of my sponsor's before. I would take issue with 10,000 words part though. Kind of mechanical.
Hope all goes well. Keep us posted.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 77
Hi Taking 5,
The rehab centre set assignments with deadlines. I will hold my hands up and admit to being a bit of a perfectionist, but there were so many questions, and when I read it out to the group, apparently it was a normal amount of time. One woman wrote 40 pages for her life story assignment and now has her Step 1 to do. Thankfully, I have been assigned shorter ones since.
We went out for a nice walk this morning around a racecourse and it was good to get some fresh air. We have visiting time soon and I am wanting to take my partner out for a meal at a restaurant, despite the fact they do serve alcohol. I can't cocoon myself off from the world forever, though. I am looking at it as a test. I'm actually looking forward to a glass of lemonade, as fizzy drinks are not allowed here.
I'm feeling more positive today. Thank you for all your lovely, kind words and I will keep you updated.
As it says on our notice board 'life didn't end when I got sober - it started'.
X
The rehab centre set assignments with deadlines. I will hold my hands up and admit to being a bit of a perfectionist, but there were so many questions, and when I read it out to the group, apparently it was a normal amount of time. One woman wrote 40 pages for her life story assignment and now has her Step 1 to do. Thankfully, I have been assigned shorter ones since.
We went out for a nice walk this morning around a racecourse and it was good to get some fresh air. We have visiting time soon and I am wanting to take my partner out for a meal at a restaurant, despite the fact they do serve alcohol. I can't cocoon myself off from the world forever, though. I am looking at it as a test. I'm actually looking forward to a glass of lemonade, as fizzy drinks are not allowed here.
I'm feeling more positive today. Thank you for all your lovely, kind words and I will keep you updated.
As it says on our notice board 'life didn't end when I got sober - it started'.
X
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Originally Posted by Ruby2
I wanted to address what Taking5 said about writing on the first step. I only recently just read about someone writing a first step over on the alcoholism forum on SR. I hadn't heard of that before so I talked to my AA sponsor who laughed and said "girl, why do you think I wanted you to write about the unmanageability part?!" So, it is not unheard of and after she laughed at me I started writing one out myself since I hadn't followed that suggestion of my sponsor's before. I would take issue with 10,000 words part though.
I actually fired my first sponsor because I typed my 4th step in MS word and he wanted me to write it out long hand. What if he wanted me to use a quill and an inkwell? Should I go along with that? Heck I would've relapsed again.
I never wrote anything on any of the other steps - no workbooks, no note taking, etc. Although I do have a pretty well marked up copy of the BB.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 861
Wendolene- I hope visiting with your partner went well.
I have not been to rehab. I'm introverted and I recharge when I am alone. I think that would make rehab difficult, if I was pressured to be with people a lot.
You mentioned breath meditation in your first post. Sometimes, I focus on my hands or feet instead of my breath, even if it is a guided meditation. It's not uncommon for people to get more anxious with breath focus. If focusing on your hands or feet don't help, you could repeat calming words over and over silently (like a mantra). Leaving the room works too. Nothing wrong with doing whatever you need to take care of yourself.
I hope you are able to continue making the best of it. Take what works and leave the rest, as they say.
I have not been to rehab. I'm introverted and I recharge when I am alone. I think that would make rehab difficult, if I was pressured to be with people a lot.
You mentioned breath meditation in your first post. Sometimes, I focus on my hands or feet instead of my breath, even if it is a guided meditation. It's not uncommon for people to get more anxious with breath focus. If focusing on your hands or feet don't help, you could repeat calming words over and over silently (like a mantra). Leaving the room works too. Nothing wrong with doing whatever you need to take care of yourself.
I hope you are able to continue making the best of it. Take what works and leave the rest, as they say.
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