First post Oh boy...or Oh crap depending on how you look at it!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: East Greenwich, RI
Posts: 2
First post Oh boy...or Oh crap depending on how you look at it! So......I'm 54 and a widow, a caregiver to my elderly father who has Lewy Body Dementia and is 87. I'm an animal advocate and rescue worker for dogs. I'm also a Mother to adult kids that have children of their own but live away. I'm also disabled, many reasons but most of them are mental illness related....Social Anxiety, Chronic Depression, and General Anxiety...panic disorder etc.
I'm living somewhere I don't want to live and doing something I got roped into doing because my siblings won't. I am feeling really really resentful and frustrated and trapped.
The excitement in my life has been drinking myself silly til all hours of the night every night. I know it's not good for me. I know it's going to kill me. I am drinking strictly Miller Lite bottles only. Yes, I'm a finicky drinker!
I come from an alcoholic background. My Grandfather on my Mom's side as well as my Mom and several of her siblings all were alcoholics. Mom, oddly enough suddenly quit one day and stayed quit. She gave the credit to God. I don't know. All I know is she never ever craved it again. Never slipped up. God love her.....
I lost Mom in 2008 and my husband in 2009. In the past few years, I've also lost my brother in law and my nephew (same family) We are all shaking our heads at this point wondering WTH our family did to deserve all this. Two days ago, I lost my oldest Chihuahua, Jesse who wasn't quite 11. He got ill very suddenly last week and got worse over the weekend. I had an appt for him to see his vet but he died before the appt. To say I've been sad is such an understatement. I'm so tired of losing people and pets that I love.........
Okay so I'm rambling. I just wanted to introduce myself. I'm Stephanie. I don't even know yet what I'm doing here. I know I can't keep doing this. I know deep down, I want to do big things in my life. I want to eventually open a non profit for unwanted Senior dogs and have a mini sanctuary for them and fosters to take in the rest......
I can't do any of that while I'm drinking!! I'm not good to anyone this way. I just don't know how to stop this damn roller coaster ride!! It's crazy! It's all stupid habit!
Well, thanks for listening to my very long rambling rant and intro.....Probably just going to lurk for a bit and try to get a game plan going....
I'm living somewhere I don't want to live and doing something I got roped into doing because my siblings won't. I am feeling really really resentful and frustrated and trapped.
The excitement in my life has been drinking myself silly til all hours of the night every night. I know it's not good for me. I know it's going to kill me. I am drinking strictly Miller Lite bottles only. Yes, I'm a finicky drinker!
I come from an alcoholic background. My Grandfather on my Mom's side as well as my Mom and several of her siblings all were alcoholics. Mom, oddly enough suddenly quit one day and stayed quit. She gave the credit to God. I don't know. All I know is she never ever craved it again. Never slipped up. God love her.....
I lost Mom in 2008 and my husband in 2009. In the past few years, I've also lost my brother in law and my nephew (same family) We are all shaking our heads at this point wondering WTH our family did to deserve all this. Two days ago, I lost my oldest Chihuahua, Jesse who wasn't quite 11. He got ill very suddenly last week and got worse over the weekend. I had an appt for him to see his vet but he died before the appt. To say I've been sad is such an understatement. I'm so tired of losing people and pets that I love.........
Okay so I'm rambling. I just wanted to introduce myself. I'm Stephanie. I don't even know yet what I'm doing here. I know I can't keep doing this. I know deep down, I want to do big things in my life. I want to eventually open a non profit for unwanted Senior dogs and have a mini sanctuary for them and fosters to take in the rest......
I can't do any of that while I'm drinking!! I'm not good to anyone this way. I just don't know how to stop this damn roller coaster ride!! It's crazy! It's all stupid habit!
Well, thanks for listening to my very long rambling rant and intro.....Probably just going to lurk for a bit and try to get a game plan going....
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 16
Thank you so much for sharing. I am sorry for your losses. You definitely have a wonderful goal in life that would make such a difference to suffering animals. You can realize this dream. Keep coming to this place for inspiration and strength. Good luck!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,391
Hi and welcome Stephanie
when I crawled in here 7 years ago I wasn't sure I could do it either - but I knew I had to try.
The support and advice I found here helped me turn my life around and helped me reconnect with the real me - the me buried beneath years of drinking.
I know we can help you too - I'm really glad you've found us
D
when I crawled in here 7 years ago I wasn't sure I could do it either - but I knew I had to try.
The support and advice I found here helped me turn my life around and helped me reconnect with the real me - the me buried beneath years of drinking.
I know we can help you too - I'm really glad you've found us
D
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,962
Meetings | Alcoholics Anonymous in Rhode Island
those 12 steps saved my life.
I got sober at 50, almost 3 years ago......
Condolences on your losses, I do understand
love & hugs,
~SB
those 12 steps saved my life.
I got sober at 50, almost 3 years ago......
Condolences on your losses, I do understand
love & hugs,
~SB
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
Posts: 1,799
Hi Stephanie and welcome!
I am sorry for all of the loss you have endured recently, it sounds like it has been a very difficult time. It may not sound like it but removing alcohol is actually a gift you can give yourself. I was very depressed when I was drinking, it wasn't all due to alcohol, but it didn't help. I hope you stick around, there is a lot of wisdom here, it has helped me a lot.
You are among a lot of animal lovers here! I think I relate to animals partially because I know what it feels like to be trapped and not have a voice. I actually did build a shelter for adult cats at my home, it is a blessing every day.
Animals have helped me a lot in staying sober, they live in the present, and don't worry about yesterday or tomorrow.
I am sorry for all of the loss you have endured recently, it sounds like it has been a very difficult time. It may not sound like it but removing alcohol is actually a gift you can give yourself. I was very depressed when I was drinking, it wasn't all due to alcohol, but it didn't help. I hope you stick around, there is a lot of wisdom here, it has helped me a lot.
You are among a lot of animal lovers here! I think I relate to animals partially because I know what it feels like to be trapped and not have a voice. I actually did build a shelter for adult cats at my home, it is a blessing every day.
Animals have helped me a lot in staying sober, they live in the present, and don't worry about yesterday or tomorrow.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,761
from a fellow dog lover and rescue advocate. 
I'm glad you joined us. There's a lot of support here so take advantage of it to help you stop drinking. I can see your life has been very stressful but drinking only makes things worse.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Hi.
It was when I was caring for my terminally ill mom that my drinking went off the rails, along with relapsing on pain killers. So I understand the stress you are under. You think drinking is the only way to deal with it, and to some degree, it does work, quite effectively, making quitting all that more difficult.
But sobriety is soooo much more effective in regards to dealing with the demands on our time and fulfilling our goals. You won't be sorry you quit.
It was when I was caring for my terminally ill mom that my drinking went off the rails, along with relapsing on pain killers. So I understand the stress you are under. You think drinking is the only way to deal with it, and to some degree, it does work, quite effectively, making quitting all that more difficult.
But sobriety is soooo much more effective in regards to dealing with the demands on our time and fulfilling our goals. You won't be sorry you quit.
Realising my life
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Dorset, England
Posts: 3,656
Welcome, Stephanie 
I'm so sorry for all you've been through - and for the pain you're still facing - but now that you've found your way here, I hope you will realise that you're not alone
You'll find a great deal of wisdom, understanding and support here
I'm so sorry for all you've been through - and for the pain you're still facing - but now that you've found your way here, I hope you will realise that you're not alone
You'll find a great deal of wisdom, understanding and support here
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Northern Michigan
Posts: 28,801
Hello Stephanie,
I'm glad you found us. This is a great group of people helping one another. I am a caregiver too and understand the stress it can put you under. Alcohol only makes you think you're doing okay. You're on the right path here, give it a chance!
Kris
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