new here
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 7
new here
Hi everyone.
I think I'm starting to realize that I have a problem with drinking. Something awful happened the other night, I blacked out and I can't even remember the whole night, just bits and pieces. I'm lucky I didn't really hurt myself, am just embarrassed and feeling so guilty. I'm scared that I did irreparable damage to my relationship with my boyfriend (no cheating or anything like that). I'm sick of waking up and having to apologize for to him for the things I did the night before, much of the time that I don't even remember saying/doing. There's this saying I've heard, maybe on here or someplace else, but it's something to the effect of "Bad things don't always happen when I drink, but when bad things happen, drinking is always involved" - this is exactly how I feel right now.
I want to live a happy and healthy life and I think that the only way I can do that right now is without alcohol. I know it sounds stupid, but it scares me to think that I won't ever be able to drink again or to promise anyone that I won't ever again. It makes me feel like a failure, and it scares me to think in terms of "forever" when it comes to drinking.
I'm so sick of being embarrassed and feeling horrible... I guess I've just come here to look for support and for people who have been where I am.
Thanks for listening.
I think I'm starting to realize that I have a problem with drinking. Something awful happened the other night, I blacked out and I can't even remember the whole night, just bits and pieces. I'm lucky I didn't really hurt myself, am just embarrassed and feeling so guilty. I'm scared that I did irreparable damage to my relationship with my boyfriend (no cheating or anything like that). I'm sick of waking up and having to apologize for to him for the things I did the night before, much of the time that I don't even remember saying/doing. There's this saying I've heard, maybe on here or someplace else, but it's something to the effect of "Bad things don't always happen when I drink, but when bad things happen, drinking is always involved" - this is exactly how I feel right now.
I want to live a happy and healthy life and I think that the only way I can do that right now is without alcohol. I know it sounds stupid, but it scares me to think that I won't ever be able to drink again or to promise anyone that I won't ever again. It makes me feel like a failure, and it scares me to think in terms of "forever" when it comes to drinking.
I'm so sick of being embarrassed and feeling horrible... I guess I've just come here to look for support and for people who have been where I am.
Thanks for listening.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi Sparkle - welcome 
yeah I don;t miss those morning afters...and they stopped when I stopped drinking.
I think you're making a great decision, and there's a lot of support here...
forever seemed immense to me too - but not drinking today was achievable -I just strung lots of one days together...pretty soon forever didn't seem so daunting
D
yeah I don;t miss those morning afters...and they stopped when I stopped drinking.
I want to live a happy and healthy life and I think that the only way I can do that right now is without alcohol.
forever seemed immense to me too - but not drinking today was achievable -I just strung lots of one days together...pretty soon forever didn't seem so daunting
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Indiana
Posts: 1,472
Hi sparkles and welcome to SR! I know I've been in that situation many times where I end up having to apologize to people. Mine was usually calling someone and not remembering it until the next day when I looked at my phone history. I said some really stupid things to people over the years doing that.
I'm glad you are here and ready to make a change. Your health and your relationships with yourself and others will improve greatly! Welcome to the community.
I'm glad you are here and ready to make a change. Your health and your relationships with yourself and others will improve greatly! Welcome to the community.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi sparkles, it's not stupid to be scared of never having another drink. I bet almost every alcoholic goes through that, after all you are saying goodbye to something you have come to rely on, and it's like saying goodbye to an old friend. Just remember that friend has put your relationships in danger and made you feel ashamed.
The way I coped with the prospect of never drinking was to say I would have a year off the alcohol. This was a good line to tell others who noticed I wasn't drinking. When the year was up I felt so good I couldn't imagine going back to the old me, and I've carried on not drinking.
It's so good to relax at social gatherings instead of wondering how much wine I could get down, and waking up the next morning without self-reproach or shame is priceless.
The way I coped with the prospect of never drinking was to say I would have a year off the alcohol. This was a good line to tell others who noticed I wasn't drinking. When the year was up I felt so good I couldn't imagine going back to the old me, and I've carried on not drinking.
It's so good to relax at social gatherings instead of wondering how much wine I could get down, and waking up the next morning without self-reproach or shame is priceless.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Welcome sparkles!
In my twenties I felt exactly the same way - but I never took any action to save myself. I kept playing with it - insisting I could control it if I used enough willpower. I, too, was afraid of what life without drinking would be like. How I wish I'd been brave enough to stop. In the end I was drinking all day, completely dependent on it. If only I'd reached out like you're doing. My happy ending came - but I regret deeply the years spent in an alcoholic fog. You've made a great decision by joining and talking it over here.
In my twenties I felt exactly the same way - but I never took any action to save myself. I kept playing with it - insisting I could control it if I used enough willpower. I, too, was afraid of what life without drinking would be like. How I wish I'd been brave enough to stop. In the end I was drinking all day, completely dependent on it. If only I'd reached out like you're doing. My happy ending came - but I regret deeply the years spent in an alcoholic fog. You've made a great decision by joining and talking it over here.
Realising my life
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Dorset, England
Posts: 3,656
Welcome, Sparkles! 
You've come to a place of real understanding and to people who care 
Forever used to sound daunting to me, but after the first 3 months, it started to sound like freedom. Freedom from the obsession of alcohol, of worrying about how many I could have, how many I could get away with, and what I would do when the wine ran out. Freedom from panicking about what I'd done or said or whether my partner still loved me. Freedom from guilt.
Now I have confidence that the person who comes home from a night out is the same person who went out and has not turned into a wine-soaked, self serving witch!
In the beginning I didn't know or appreciate any of that. Just decide that you won't drink today. When there's enough distance between you and alcohol, you will see with brand new eyes!
You've come to a place of real understanding and to people who care Forever used to sound daunting to me, but after the first 3 months, it started to sound like freedom. Freedom from the obsession of alcohol, of worrying about how many I could have, how many I could get away with, and what I would do when the wine ran out. Freedom from panicking about what I'd done or said or whether my partner still loved me. Freedom from guilt.
Now I have confidence that the person who comes home from a night out is the same person who went out and has not turned into a wine-soaked, self serving witch!
In the beginning I didn't know or appreciate any of that. Just decide that you won't drink today. When there's enough distance between you and alcohol, you will see with brand new eyes!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
When you're young the thought of quitting forever is daunting. Just don't think of it that way. Tell yourself it's only for 6 months or a year and it will take the pressure off. And the key then is to just not drink today, no matter how strong the urge. Before you know it you will be at several months or a year, your life will have changed for the better, and you won't feel the need to drink anymore.
Living sober is a good thing. I only wish I'd done it sooner. I'm glad you joined us here. You'll find lots of support to help you stay sober.
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