KateL

We see and answer posts from newcomers quite frequently and it makes me sad when they seem so positive about quitting, but don't come back the next day. Of course it may be that they are busy or just needed a kick start and are doing great. But if I cast my mind back to my drinking days, I worry that they may feel they had said something wrong if they were a bit squiffy, or feel somehow embarrassed when they were sober the next day. But I can honestly say I have never read anything offensive and no one has anything to worry about in my opinion. So anyone who is reading who feels that way, without being patronising, I wish you would come back.

least

As our CarolD used to say; "members come and members go. Bless them all on their journeys."

Dan Dare

How I miss CarolD. She was so welcoming and kind back in 2008 when I first had the nerve to post here.
And every time I came back she was exactly that.
I was stunned when I heard the news.
We love ya Carol, hope you're listening.

Thepatman

Wow it's rare you post something this long Kate.
As always an interesting point of view.

To be honest when I first came here I was more interested in justifying my own drinking by comparing to others. I was missing the part of looking at myself and my unhealthy relationship with Alcohol.

That's the nature of the beast I think, to find any justification that our habit is normal until we hit our rock bottom as some call it.

Thanks for the thoughtful post, your SR Alcoholic friend The Patman ;-)

Anna

Yes, I think of this so often.

I miss Carol, but her message will help us on the boards for a long time to come.

firstymer

I know what you mean, KateL. I read their initial posts. I read the encouragement and the hope in those posts, and try to offer my own encouragement and hope from time to time.

And then I wonder and I fret, like a nervous parent. How are they doing? Where did they go? I want there to be a big chart somewhere that shows where everybody is on their road to sobriety.

Dee, can you maybe work on that for us?

Thepatman

Sorry to interrupt but the Subject is newcomers that disappear. Carol was a long time user of SR.

Maybe the reference Kate is doing is what I often felt, if the "our welcome message" and the intent of the newcomer will help spark things for the individual.

Every time I welcome someone I hope something clicks for them. We all want to help, Kate is mostly dedicated to welcoming, so I see her point and her heart on her sleeve.

mecanix

It gives me great hope when they come back

Keep coming back newbies , as you learn to see the signs , if you got it wrong you might get it right this time .

I also like to see oldy newbies as i know regular contact with SR has been a big part of my working a decent recovery/ life .

Bestwishes, m

KateL

Still, the internet is a wonderful thing (except for the bloody virus my lappy had the other day, which promoted me to take a degree in IT - joking!) I wish it was around in my day. Although some slip through the net, I have witnessed huge success in the short time I have been posting here. I am very impressed. I wish everyone could get better xxxx

Raider

They don't post because of the embarrassment of failing. Especially after the posts that say, I'll never drink again, I'm done, not gonna happen, I beat the beast, I've got this, I feel great, going to rehab and never looking back, etc etc. it's just hard to keep failing and keep posting. Just ask me....l

doggonecarl

Maybe not the next day. But I've seen a lot of posts, a number of them lately, where they've come back weeks, perhaps months after their initial post, having relapsed and finally ready to admit they are done drinking.

Only to dissappear again.

I don't blame them or SR. Alcohol and drug addiction is ruthless and unforgiving. It swallows up even those who want to be sober or clean. Lest we forget that ourselves.

IreLander

Ive come and gone many times in the past 2 years on this site. I have never felt like anyone was ever anything less than warm and welcoming. When I left it was because my demons were tearing at me. What always brought me back was the warm and insightful posts that always made me feel welcome and at home. This time I have more sobriety than ever, and its because how you all make feel. Im not sure what I would do without this site. Thank you all.

Dan Dare

I never posted when I fell off the wagon.
I didn't feel like I belonged here under the influence, even though I've seen people welcomed here dozens of times in that situation.
I imagine it would be like walking into a frat house when you're a member of another one.

PurpleKnight

It's a fair point, only a handful seem to stick around amongst the weekly newcomers, which if it's for reasons of feeling embarrassed due to relapsing then that decision can be even more destructive . . . isolation is no friend of Sobriety!!

hopeful4

What a kind post Kate! I don't use drugs/alcohol but I certainly know that there have been times I have not been proud of my behavior and have taken a couple days to sit in shame before I have come on an fessed up.

As I have went further in my recovery those days are fewer and further in between. I did not post for about two years while my husband was in the throes of addiciton, I did not want to own up to that.

It's very good to hear someone say come back...no matter what is going on. When I came back I was welcomed with open arms and it felt very good!

Blessings!

KateL

But you do and you refuse to give up, which is amazing. I love your posts xxx

KateL

And blessing to you xxxxxxxxxxxx

KateL

That's the whole point though. Whether we are drunk sober or family of addicts we are all in the same frat house in my opinion. But I do understand why people sometimes refrain from posting. I probably would have too at one time xxx

Lilly88

I have been in and out of this forum for about 2 years. Only posted a few times. However I do read most posts every day and gain lots of advice and support just by doing this. What I am trying to say is just because you do not here from people does not mean they are not there. Just from reading other peoples stories has really helped me from having that first drink when I have been tempted. However I do seem to disappear when I am in a bad place, mainly due to the fact I am so ashamed of myself. However this time I intend to stick around :-) 5 days today!

CAPTAINZING2000

That's the nature of this disease. It's the only I know that deludes you into thinking you're ok.

We come into AA or here what ever the case maybe riding on a tsunami with a ton of wreck age emotionally physically spiritually and financially . An most of us want a quick fix to a problem we have had for numerous years. Unfortunately, there is no immediate fix. It's a slow gradual process to get our lives straightened out after the mess we've made.
Emotionally, this is very hard after years of drinking. I wasn't use to these feelings that all came rushing in out of nowhere.