Carlotta

Many of us learn the value of self-expression in Al-Anon. We discover how we feel and benefit from giving voice to those feelings when it seems appropriate. But there's a difference between expressing ourselves and using words to control others.
Sometimes the only way I can determine whether I'm trying to control someone else or whether I'm simply expressing my feelings is by noticing how many times I say the same thing. If I mentioned something that is on my mind and then let it go no matter what response I get, I am speaking sincerely. If I repeatedly make similar suggestions or ask prodding questions again and again, I am probably trying to control. If I am satisfied only when the other person responds in a way I consider desirable - agrees with that I've said or takes my advice - then I know I've lost my focus

Today's reminder

I am learning to be honest with myself. I will not use my recovery as an excuse to justify my efforts to change other people's thinking. Trying to control other people only gets me in trouble. Instead, I will promptly admit such mistakes and put my energy back where it belongs by focusing on myself.

"We should have much peace if we would not busy ourselves with the sayings and doings of others."

Seren

Love it, Carlotta. Exactly the reminder I try to give myself all the time

Carlotta

Same here Seren. I have outgrown the broken record phase (which reminds me too much of my nagging mother anyway) but I tend to retreat easily into either the disapproving silence treatment to show my "moral "superiority" >meanwhile my feelings eat me alive< or into sarcasm.
I love today's quote, very often I have to take a deep breath and tell myself:
"girl, it's none of your business, live and let live"
it's tough sometimes.
One thing I have become real good at though is not engaging in gossip.