light bulb moment
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: uk
Posts: 68
light bulb moment
I broke up with my abf 11 days ago after a year and half. He messaged me Friday saying 'you aren't coming back are you'. I wasn't going to reply but decided to reiterate my reasons for leaving mainly due to when he drinks hes a total ass and I deserve better. He asked for his stuff back which is pretty standard in our break up pattern but instead of trying to sort it out like I have done in the past I left it. I have a book of his thats all..hardly anything he can live without. Anyway last night it dawned on me my contribution to this madness that was a relationship and after reading about codependecy realised I could answer a lot of the signs. This break up has already been different for me as I do not want to go back to it. Ive been focusing on myself and going out having fun making up for lost time. All the Friday nights I wasted sitting in his flat watching the same stuff on tv and feeling anxious and bored....its not for me. He was ra when we first met and he was lovely but the bad far outweighed the good in the past six months. I am starting counselling next week and have signed up for some spiritual meetings. Im remaining positive and being grateful for small thinga. My whole attitude has changed and I know when he texts to feed me the come back lines my answer will be no thanks.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
Why continue to allow him access to you? What’s the point with that?
If your done then block him from contacting you.
Unless of course you have a reservation about truly ending this relationship, which is often the case and that’s why we continue to allow them to contact us – we are kind of making a reservation to show up in the relationship.
If your done then block him from contacting you.
Unless of course you have a reservation about truly ending this relationship, which is often the case and that’s why we continue to allow them to contact us – we are kind of making a reservation to show up in the relationship.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
At think these moments of clarity are real gifts, Rosie. Not getting hooked...and these little texts, and messages are just that, hooks...is great progress!
If it helps, mail the book to him. When you are ready, you might consider completely blocking him from all communication--facebook, phone, e-mail, etc.
If it helps, mail the book to him. When you are ready, you might consider completely blocking him from all communication--facebook, phone, e-mail, etc.
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