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How many steps are there in Step 4?!

Old 01-27-2014, 06:39 PM
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How many steps are there in Step 4?!

I'm not sure what the rules are on copying and pasting from external websites, but I found some guidelines for Step 4 on 12step.org :

"First, we may need to "tell our stories." This can be accomplished by journaling, that is, by writing out our stories, and by sharing them with others in recovery meetings or private dialogue...

A second component in our inventory is discovering the roots of our addictions and codependencies. In most cases, this means we have to examine our childhoods. What needs were not met there? What negative experiences or messages about ourselves did we absorb in the dysfunctional family of origin? ...

Third, we must confront and assess the full extent of our dependencies. Doing so, we will learn more about the severity of our primary addictions, and we may uncover other peripheral addictions we had not previously recognized. We should inventory and identify all of these codependent symptoms and addictions, which have manifested themselves in our adolescent and adult lives....

Fourth, we need to look back at our relationship history with the people who have been significant in our lives - parents, teachers, mentors, friends, romantic interests. We need to inventory all the ways we have hurt them and hurt ourselves by practicing our adult addictions and codependencies...

Fifth, we must address our guilt feelings. We realize that most addictions are shame-based and shame-propelled. To move beyond this shame-base, we need to distinguish between two major forms of guilt: 1) False shame, or carried shame... 2) Authentic guilt...

Sixth, we must "look for the good". An important counterbalancing dimension is that a Step 4 inventory should include the positive, as well as the negative, things about us... "

- From: "Serenity, A Companion for Twelve Step Recovery, p. 38-42"


Is it just me, or is this a lot of....steps? Don't get me wrong, I'll do this all if it will help, but I had originally just planned to fill out a nice, tidy little chart based on the one in the Big Book and then go from there.

Thoughts?
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Old 01-27-2014, 07:27 PM
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I use a composition notebook and Big Book now.I use to use those forms but they didn`t go deep enough.
I had to dig deep into those questions I think are on p 67,Where had we been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and frightened?
Those forms just scratched the surface for me.
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Old 01-27-2014, 07:43 PM
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Three columns just like the example in the BB, then a fourth answering all the pg 67 questions.
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Old 01-27-2014, 07:58 PM
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I tried all kinds of methods which failed miserably for me,
but that's me. Then I did what was suggested in the BB by Tommy
and Keith. That has worked well enough to keep me clean, sober,
happy, joyous and free for nearly 29 years. If ya want what I got,
you got to do what I did.

If ya want what I had before I did the clear cut, specific process outlined
in the first 164 Pages I can only tell you that all I got was drunk and
brought to the gates of insanity and death.

It's your program and I wish you the best with whatever choice you make.
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Old 01-27-2014, 08:26 PM
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Originally Posted by bumble View Post
A second component in our inventory is discovering the roots of our addictions and codependencies. In most cases, this means we have to examine our childhoods. What needs were not met there? What negative experiences or messages about ourselves did we absorb in the dysfunctional family of origin? ...
That sounds like an invitation to start blaming people for things... or equally as bad, view ourselves as victims.

It sounds to me like that "guide" was something someone from coda blogged at one time or another. I've done lots of 4th steps, but nothing that looked like the OP. Though I'm not a bigbook thumpin kinda guy, I have to admit that the way it's laid out in the bigbook is the simplest and most to the point. Pretty much covers it all, and isn't terribly complicated. Search through our flaws (some people use the 7 deadly sins), list our resentments and do the columns thing in the book, then take a close honest look at how fear has affected us, and review our sex history. I know the "columns" has become a big thing with the 4th step, but doing it as laid out didn't really resonate with me. I did it none the less, but I felt almost as if I were taking a quiz in grammer school. Tony screwed my girlfriend, I resent him because.... because... HE THREATENS MY SEX RELATIONS!!! NO, NO... SELF ESTEEM!!! Sorry to make light of it, but that's how it felt to me. I had to write a bit about each of those relationships, to get a little more connected with how it affected me. And the most important part of the process for me was realizing my part, and then praying for the people I resented. I didn't realize the affect this had until I went to do another 4th step a few years later, and most of the people who were listed in the original were gone. I really had no resentment whatsoever with them any more. It worked.

There are lots of guides to doing a 4th step online that are much better than the one in the OP. I'd search a little more and find one that fits the model in the BB. I think that would be your best bet.

And like Uncle Meat said, worked for me for 29 years too. It's a pretty good deal we got goin with stuff .
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Old 01-27-2014, 08:32 PM
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It's in the big book and with the guidance of someone who has worked them and has had a psychic change, it's all simple.

I've seen many "templates" for the 4th step, but why complicate it?
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Old 01-27-2014, 08:37 PM
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Hi bumble. The book states we do a “searching and fearless moral inventory”. I think that’s the essence of the process. The inventory in the BB certainly puts an emphasis on resentments, but some folks can do well with an inventory that is a bit more comprehensive. I think if you are honest with yourself you can identify the areas where emphasis is needed. If you feel like avoiding an area, that may be a sign you need to focus on it.
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Old 01-27-2014, 09:26 PM
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Originally Posted by Joe Nerv View Post
That sounds like an invitation to start blaming people for things... or equally as bad, view ourselves as victims.

It sounds to me like that "guide" was something someone from coda blogged at one time or another. I've done lots of 4th steps, but nothing that looked like the OP. Though I'm not a bigbook thumpin kinda guy, I have to admit that the way it's laid out in the bigbook is the simplest and most to the point. Pretty much covers it all, and isn't terribly complicated. Search through our flaws (some people use the 7 deadly sins), list our resentments and do the columns thing in the book, then take a close honest look at how fear has affected us, and review our sex history. I know the "columns" has become a big thing with the 4th step, but doing it as laid out didn't really resonate with me. I did it none the less, but I felt almost as if I were taking a quiz in grammer school. Tony screwed my girlfriend, I resent him because.... because... HE THREATENS MY SEX RELATIONS!!! NO, NO... SELF ESTEEM!!! Sorry to make light of it, but that's how it felt to me. I had to write a bit about each of those relationships, to get a little more connected with how it affected me. And the most important part of the process for me was realizing my part, and then praying for the people I resented. I didn't realize the affect this had until I went to do another 4th step a few years later, and most of the people who were listed in the original were gone. I really had no resentment whatsoever with them any more. It worked.

There are lots of guides to doing a 4th step online that are much better than the one in the OP. I'd search a little more and find one that fits the model in the BB. I think that would be your best bet.

And like Uncle Meat said, worked for me for 29 years too. It's a pretty good deal we got goin with stuff .
You know what's been amazing for me is I have encountered quite a few people through the years from the "Class of 1985." It was a very good year as Sinatra would say.

I did it from the book as you described but added a little process that really took me deep into the sub-conscious where I opened a whole plethora of buried resentments against not only people, but institutions and principles.
Many of the inventories I hear tend to focus only on people and omit a lot of institutions (schools, criminal justice system, social inequality, etc.). How about how my alcoholic thinking evaluated the principle of powerlessness or moral and ethical standards, etc.

When I got them down on paper and looked at them, I began to realize that they drained my power from me like alcohol drained my life from me because all any resentment is, is unresolved pain and alcohol became the anesthetic of my soul by briefly taking away my pain - until it stopped working. Now the promises I achieve in working the steps remove much of the pain. It's like you said, years later we can look back and see the resentments and fears are gone because the steps do remove them - even better than booze - and they stay removed instead of piling up and up like a trash dump that stinks to high heaven. It really is the easier, softer way.

PS: Let me know when I can send you a cake.

Joe
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Old 01-27-2014, 10:14 PM
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August 27th.

True, what you said about the resentment thing. Big on my list was the catholic grammer school I went to (which is ironically the school my homegroup now meets in), nuns (pretty much all of them), the music industry, corporate america, and a bunch of other things. Those resentments however lingered a bit longer than the people. Still some remnants of my catholic church resentments if I'm to be completely honest, but it's awesome how much power those resentments were stripped of. They didn't run my show after my 4th step.

One thing I'd like to add. I had no expectations when I did my first few 4th steps, aside from the expectaction that it would somehow help me to continue to stay sober. Wasn't expecting any lightening bolts, or any profound sense of freedom or healing, and didn't get any of that. In fact, if I had looked for the results immediately, I think I may have been disappointed. I don't think anything magically disapeared, but I think it opened the vessel for healing to come. And as I said, I didn't even notice I'd been healed of the many resentments I was, until a couple of years after when I went to list them again. I'd say the skys opened for me at that point, because I knew then that this stuff absolutely worked. Held on to that anger for years before embraced it all in the 4th. Ya know, thinking about it now, it may have been 5-7 where the healing took place, but regardless... it doesn't matter. It worked. Yay. I'm getting inspired now to do yet another... hmm... While I'd like to state differently, I can always pull a few resentments out of my hat if I look deep enough. I work an earnest program, but my HP aint nowhere near done with me yet.
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Old 01-27-2014, 11:25 PM
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I knew 8/27 was a special day Joe!
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Old 01-28-2014, 03:51 AM
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its one step with a lot of area to cover.
the only chart I used was in the BB. cant get any simpler than that and the simpler I make it the easier it is.
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Old 01-28-2014, 08:05 AM
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Just want to note that at the end of my post I wanted last night to add a somewhat recent experience I had with revisiting the 4th step in regards to resentment. I knew it was too long a story, so I put it as a blog instead.

I repeat myself often here at SR so i think I might just start blogging things and link to the blogs when I wanna share something I think or know I've shared before .
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Old 01-28-2014, 03:23 PM
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Haha! Love the comparison to grammar school assignments.

I'm feeling rather...resentful right now, so I'm going to write out all the people (and principles) I'm mad at - including myself! And why.

Then, I am going to go to the gym to get some of the angries out...When I'm thinking more clearly, I'm going to re-read p. 67 and take a closer look at my part in it (fears, flaws, etc).

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Old 01-28-2014, 04:22 PM
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Originally Posted by bumble View Post
Haha! Love the comparison to grammar school assignments.

I'm feeling rather...resentful right now, so I'm going to write out all the people (and principles) I'm mad at - including myself! And why.

Then, I am going to go to the gym to get some of the angries out...When I'm thinking more clearly, I'm going to re-read p. 67 and take a closer look at my part in it (fears, flaws, etc).

Good for you bumble. When I did my 1st. Grade teacher
I was able to figure out her real name in my sub-conscious mind:

Sister Gertrude Frankenstein.
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Old 02-03-2014, 03:40 PM
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Originally Posted by bumble
A second component in our inventory is discovering the roots of our addictions and codependencies. In most cases, this means we have to examine our childhoods. What needs were not met there? What negative experiences or messages about ourselves did we absorb in the dysfunctional family of origin? ...
Originally Posted by Joe Nerv View Post
That sounds like an invitation to start blaming people for things... or equally as bad, view ourselves as victims.
I have to admit to some confusion here. I make no claim to be an authority, but don't we build resentments based on what another has done to us? Hence this part of the 4th step prayer?
“This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done.”
(p. 67 BB)

God help me to show this person the same tolerance, pity and
patience that I would Cheerfully grant a sick friend. This is a sick
person, how can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry.
Thy will be done. (see above and p. 141 of 12&12)
True, we do often perceive harm done to us when it wasn't, but going to the other extreme of blaming ourselves for everything done to us doesn't seem that sound either.

Perhaps I didn't quite understand what you meant?
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Old 02-03-2014, 03:52 PM
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we don't blame ourselves, we find where our patterns of behavior are hidden, our fears.....a fact finding mission.....
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Old 03-27-2014, 01:41 PM
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Originally Posted by UncleMeat69 View Post
Good for you bumble. When I did my 1st. Grade teacher
I was able to figure out her real name in my sub-conscious mind:

Sister Gertrude Frankenstein.
How old were you when you did your 1sr grade teacher? ?????

I feel it too. My 'teacher' asking how much time I spent writing last night.
I have the Big Book, the 4th step booklet from Hazledon and the form my sponsor gave me with the columns. Plus the composition book I picked up to capture all this into one volume - I hope only one.

I was told to always keep a pen and notebook with me to write down things as they come to me while I'm out and about or at meetings etc.

This is like a school assignment for sure. And I hated homework!
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Old 03-27-2014, 04:30 PM
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Originally Posted by LBrain View Post
How old were you when you did your 1sr grade teacher? ?????

I feel it too. My 'teacher' asking how much time I spent writing last night.
I have the Big Book, the 4th step booklet from Hazledon and the form my sponsor gave me with the columns. Plus the composition book I picked up to capture all this into one volume - I hope only one.

I was told to always keep a pen and notebook with me to write down things as they come to me while I'm out and about or at meetings etc.

This is like a school assignment for sure. And I hated homework!
Great question L. I was two years sober @age 42 and this jumped out of my subconscious when I was doing the 4th. Step process. It had been buried deep down within all those years. Even though I was 6 when she abused me my protective instincts hid it away.

My point is that unless an alcoholic is able to dig down through those subconscious "scabs" and open up those kind of childhood traumas he/she will remain as "sick as his/her secrets."

It sounds like you are on the right track but be wary of letting yourself get to complicated in the mechanics. I placed 4 blank sheets in front of me with these titles at the top of a page:

1.) Self-Esteem

2.) Pocketbooks (Finances)

3.) Personal Relationships

4.) Ambitions

(From Page 64 of the BB) Instead of long written sentences, I used "Key words" to record the visions projected by my sub-conscious. That way I could stay up with the data that was being transmitted. The sub conscious delivers data via pictures & symbols (Like a dream). The conscious processes data through words and numbers. I have to write fast enough to keep up with the movie while I am watching it which means I can't write the dialogue while viewing.

Example:

I put this same data on 2 of the 4 pages:

"Sister Gertrude Frankenstein put a dunce hat on me in front of my classmates in the 1st. Grade. That affected my self-esteem & personal relationships."

The sad part is that it affected those two areas of my life for the next 36 years until I confronted it in my 4th. Step. Once I labeled it I became empowered to change it by allowing HP to direct my behavior in a properly directed fashion.

Hope all this makes sense and can be helpful to you. After finishing the 4 pages, I transferred the data to the columns and finished the process.
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Old 03-29-2014, 06:03 AM
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Originally Posted by LBrain View Post
I was told to always keep a pen and notebook with me to write down things as they come to me while I'm out and about or at meetings etc.
Hope all is progressing well on your 4th. Step, L
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