Roxywarrior

Hello, making my intro. I'm currently struggling with roxies. I've been using them on and off for 3 years or so. Right now, I'm on my longest stretch ever. Been about 6-8bmonths. I'm tired. I'm running low on money, I need to stop. I'm losing interest in things, I'm overwhelmed with guilt, and I'm scared out of my mind. I was doing too much recently, 7-10 per day. I've cut it down a lot. 2 weeks ago I had stopped for 6 days, I felt great. Now I'm back to square one. Anyway, I've cut it back like I said in preparation of stopping. I did only 3 today, going to do 1 tomorrow (my last one) and I have two percs to help me get through the day.

I'm not really sure how it's going to go. Last time, it wasn't bad at all, I'm hoping I get through and never look back. I can't afford to take off from work either. Nobody knows my problem. I hide it from everyone, which is why I'm so terrified. I have some kratom too, probably enough to keep me out of wds, but irritable and tired. I hate eating that dirt ****, but it works. My big concern, even more than work tomorrow, is my day off. I spend it with my girl, can't fake another sick day.

I really need a place to share, I'm hoping this is it.

least

Welcome to the family.


We have a special forum just for substance abuse that you may be interested in, but you can post anywhere you like.

I'm glad you joined us.


Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Anna

I'm glad you've made the decision to stop using the drugs, and please know we are here to offer support.

Dee74

Welcome to SR RoxyWarrior

There's a ton of support here - glad you found us

D

Roxywarrior

Thank you all. I'm so messed up right now, mentally. I know I need to stop. I know in losing myself. I still want to continue doing bad though. I know the road. I know the inevitable. Half of me doesn't care. The other half knows it's bad, knows where it will lead. I want to stop, but don't want to. I'm just being honest, please don't flame me. I'm very vulnerable. To be honest, if I had money like I used to, I probably wouldn't be here. A good portion of my desire is financial. Plus, I'm smart enough to know that nothing good will come from this. I just honestly, still live how I feel when I do it. Love how things don't bother me. All the good. I am starting to see some bad, how I am losing desire for things I normally Love. I stopped working out, I'm normally a competitive body builder, but right now thats on hold. I'm so ******* scared and confused. I'm in such a bad place. I know the right thing to do... Just don't want to really do it. ******* sucks. I'm sorry, I'm just letting go right now. Typing without thought. Just whatever enters my mind is coming out. I want hell. I so desperately want to be the old me. I'm all sorts of ****** up.

Hevyn

Welcome Roxy. We understand. I'm an alcoholic, but I felt the same way about giving it up. It had been my world for so long I didn't know how to proceed without it, even though it was slowly killing me.

Knowing you need to stop - that's everything. Some never reach that point. You aren't losing yourself as long as you reach out for a better life and reclaim what the drugs are trying to steal from you. We know you can do it.

Roxywarrior

Thanks for the kind words. I'm so scared of what is about to come. I'm praying that I find the strength to do this. I can't believe that I'm in this spot yet again. The hard part is having to function while being in this state. My eyes are already watering, I've yawned a bunch of times... Ugh