JackieC

I get hit with these waves of sadness so huge and palpable that they completely overwhelm me. Frankly, I've cried enough tears today that I feel sure my house is about to just float away.

I don't want to drink. In fact when I even imagine a drink in front of me, my stomach turns and I feel completely repulsed. I don't want to numb any of it, I just want to get through it. The thing is, I know it's going to be such a long road as I'm only at Day 37.

It does make me wish for a partner. I know so many of us here are in relationships that aren't good and that often times no partner is better than a bad partner. And I know that no matter who I am with, this is all my stuff to have to wade through and all my work to do. But it would be so nice to have someone here to just scoop me up in their arms and hug me and tell me it's going to be alright. That they love me anyway.

I think my cats would be very offended that I wrote that since they no doubt assume they are all the company I need.

I know it's all part of this ride and it's a thousand times better than the alternative road I could be on, the one that turns my stomach to even imagine now. Sometimes I just need to say it out loud -- I'm scared, I'm alone, I'm sad.

Thanks for listening, friends.

Jackie

DoubleBarrel

There are places you can go where other people have been where you are and can relate.
If you haven't searched for them, I highly recommend it.

Being in a relationship and getting sober can really complicate matters. Consider it a blessing that when you get well, you can find someone with sober eyes and healthy attitude.

Sound like you are doing really great. Early sobriety is hard, but it gets so much better.

Dee74

The early days are rough, and I know what it's like to want to be 'fixed' like yesterday...
but looking back I'm glad everything happened as it did, when I was ready and competent for it.

You'll look back and marvel at how quickly everything snaps into place, I promise

D

HeartsAfire

You may be scared, friend, but you're not alone.

I have this saying that sometimes you just have to sit in the sh!t of life in order to move thru it. It's your turn right now and you're doing a fabulous job of it. I mean that in all sincerity.

Keep crying. Keep feeling scared. Keep feeling the loneliness. Keep posting. Keep reaching out. Keep doing whatever you need to do to feel this. Feeling it now and eventually moving on thru it means you won't have a reason to try to numb it tomorrow.

I'm here to listen anytime. We're all in this together.

Hearts

Having done it in a relationship, during the end of a relationship, and single. Single is totally the way to go. You get to sort yourself out for YOU and you don't have to worry about a possible break up crushing you and potentially messing with the sobriety you've worked so hard for.

1newcreation

Lost my home in Sept but somehow I made it & didn't pick up again. I even had put up a fence that cost 3k! Then stopped by in Dec & it had been torn down;talk bout insult to injury. I personalized what the big bk says: house or no house, car or no car, job or no job, I simply won't drink!

iam2antsy

ONLY day 37...that's awesome!! be proud

yet, i understand overwhelming feelings of sadness. i'm one that rather be out of a relationship than in one

love your comment about your cats mine do brighten my days

i'm scared, i'm alone, i'm sad....but i don't have 37 days sober

neferkamichael

JackieC, 37 days is FANTASTIC, and everyone here loves you with all their hearts and souls. Rootin for ya.

TigerLili

I hear ya. Those rollercoaster emotions are hard going.

Well done on 37 days :-) That is a miracle for people like us.

I tell myself that I need to work at recovery whether it feels good or not. Chasing 'feel good' is what got me into this mess.

Mags1

Hi Jackie, brilliant news on 37 days, take a bow xxxxxxx.

On a more serious note..... All these emotions, tears, heartaches are paving the way for a better and sober future. So put on that armour of faith and March, or baby steps, through the tears, anxieties, engulf them. It's a journey worth travelling.

Keep on reading and posting, you're one of the family.

Lots of hugs xxxxxxxx

Ludo

Well done on 37 days, I'm 37 days behind you, lol! Hope I can keep following you : )))

FeelingGreat

Jackie, you've given up your usual support of drinking and you're having to cope with your emotions on your own. You will get past this. Using alcohol to numb feelings is just a road to disaster. Amazing that you've reached 37 days - have you set a new goal?

MamaGoat

I am very emotional now that I quit drinking. I think it's the feelings that have been numbed for so long finally coming out. I am feeling. I don't like it. I use my AA meetings and friends in recovery to help me deal with them just by talking about it. Lately I have started to bawl every time I share at a meeting. They say that is normal in the beginning.
So the next time you start crying, think of me cuz I am probably crying too.
One day at a time ********{hugs}}}}}}

FreeOwl

37 days!! Right on.

Emotions sure do well up and overwhelm in sobriety.

remember that you're infinitely more prepared to deal with your emotions and your life in ways that will invariably lead to happiness when you're doing it sober.

Keep on keeping the faith!!!

It will get better..

sugarbear1

Congrats!!!

You are never alone now! We are here with you!

Needsupport3

37 days is totally amazing !! I got into a relationship straight after rehab and it really messed with my head and i relapsed after 3 months !! .......... no more men.... for now at least..

liberated

I SOOOOOOO can relate to the overwhelming sadness!!!!! there will be days when I just sit and cry and cry- and there is no real difference from the day before- it is just that day I am sad. Hugs and know it will pass- and you will be refreshed and stronger for it.

JackieC

Wow. You guys are the bestest. To wake up and read these responses first thing this morning really and truly has made me feel less alone.

I can't thank you all enough.

resolute50

Jackie,

Just keep pushing ahead.
It's gets way better once you're through that tunnel and emerge on the other side.
37 days is awesome!

least

The sadness will pass. Give yourself more sober time to 'even out' your feelings. Congrats on 37 days sober!