grey out / black out
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 24
grey out / black out
over the years i have had a lot of passing out, falling asleep on the couch, or watching TV and everything looking quite blurry ... i've had nights out at friends house or bar or party and some of the details and conversations were fuzzy but i could gradually piece it back together the next day. i don't think these are blackouts - just a bit grey / fuzzy
2 months ago i had something entirely different ... i hadnt had a drink in about 2 weeks and it was thanksgiving and i love to drink while i cook so i had 1 glass of wine because i "deserved" that and i was just going to have one more with dinner ... and i ended up having a lot maybe 8 or 9 glasses and then ...
... i'm a little uncomfortable, stiff, oh jeez, i have been sleeping on the powder room floor, twisted up a bit funny on the tile floor, in my clothes - so i get up go out into the kitchen, its dark, everyone is sleeping upstairs, its 2am - and i have zero idea how i got to the bathroom or what possessed me to lay on the floor - i don't think i fell because i was sort of perfectly wedged between the toilet and the wall. i don't remember going into the bathroom - heck i don't even remember what is the last think i remember. i think that was my first real blackout - like there is some chunk of time that is completely missing from the database
... i'm guessing this is a proper blackout - i'm ashamed even writing this because after that incident i still got drunk several more times - i somehow rationalized that i shouldnt worry too much about it, that it only happened at home, that i didnt even feel bad or hung over the next day (as if that was a good or normal thing!)
I'm really curious how things progress from there ... does blackout happen more often and in are you actually awake, saying and doing things while you are blacked out?
sorry if i'm rambling, but writing this all down is really helping me in my resolve to never go back there!
2 months ago i had something entirely different ... i hadnt had a drink in about 2 weeks and it was thanksgiving and i love to drink while i cook so i had 1 glass of wine because i "deserved" that and i was just going to have one more with dinner ... and i ended up having a lot maybe 8 or 9 glasses and then ...
... i'm a little uncomfortable, stiff, oh jeez, i have been sleeping on the powder room floor, twisted up a bit funny on the tile floor, in my clothes - so i get up go out into the kitchen, its dark, everyone is sleeping upstairs, its 2am - and i have zero idea how i got to the bathroom or what possessed me to lay on the floor - i don't think i fell because i was sort of perfectly wedged between the toilet and the wall. i don't remember going into the bathroom - heck i don't even remember what is the last think i remember. i think that was my first real blackout - like there is some chunk of time that is completely missing from the database
... i'm guessing this is a proper blackout - i'm ashamed even writing this because after that incident i still got drunk several more times - i somehow rationalized that i shouldnt worry too much about it, that it only happened at home, that i didnt even feel bad or hung over the next day (as if that was a good or normal thing!)
I'm really curious how things progress from there ... does blackout happen more often and in are you actually awake, saying and doing things while you are blacked out?
sorry if i'm rambling, but writing this all down is really helping me in my resolve to never go back there!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Lake Mary, FL
Posts: 159
for me, it progressed something like this:
- blurry, greyed out occasions
- waking up and not remembering going to sleep
- going to dinner with my MOTHER (not exactly a raging party) and not remembering any of it. also, waking up at her house with my dog there (we had apparently gone to pick him up when she realized I was "not okay". realizing nothing made sense and not knowing what had occurred the entire evening before from 7pm till I awoke
- getting ready for an early evening birthday party. going to the store. waking up in a neighbors house. being told I had crashed my brand new car and not remembering anything beyond deciding to go to the store at 2pm in the afternoon. This was the next morning.
It progressed very, very quickly in my personal experience. Scared the he## out of me.
- blurry, greyed out occasions
- waking up and not remembering going to sleep
- going to dinner with my MOTHER (not exactly a raging party) and not remembering any of it. also, waking up at her house with my dog there (we had apparently gone to pick him up when she realized I was "not okay". realizing nothing made sense and not knowing what had occurred the entire evening before from 7pm till I awoke
- getting ready for an early evening birthday party. going to the store. waking up in a neighbors house. being told I had crashed my brand new car and not remembering anything beyond deciding to go to the store at 2pm in the afternoon. This was the next morning.
It progressed very, very quickly in my personal experience. Scared the he## out of me.
International Man of Mystery
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Richmond VA
Posts: 213
When I got a DUI they asked me 2 questions.
1) Are you a heavy drinker. I asked to define heavy. They said 8 or more drinks a week. Ha! I was drinking a 12 pack a night.
2) Have you ever had a blackout. I asked how many? They said 'one'. Pff, I was blacking out every night. It became the norm for me.
In my experience the more you drink the more blacking out seems less scary and you almost 'seek' it.
1) Are you a heavy drinker. I asked to define heavy. They said 8 or more drinks a week. Ha! I was drinking a 12 pack a night.
2) Have you ever had a blackout. I asked how many? They said 'one'. Pff, I was blacking out every night. It became the norm for me.
In my experience the more you drink the more blacking out seems less scary and you almost 'seek' it.
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,042
I started blacking out more and more often. I expect now that any time if I ever drank again it would result in a blackout.
And yes, in blackout people are walking, talking, & doing things -- doing things by the way for which they are legally responsible.
I'd say to avoid future experiences like this, give up the booze!
And yes, in blackout people are walking, talking, & doing things -- doing things by the way for which they are legally responsible.
I'd say to avoid future experiences like this, give up the booze!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Towards the end for me I would black out after two vodka martinis. I would go on to consume many more and do lots of things and nobody knew I was in blackout. But I could only piece together a night by credit card receipts and stories from friends. Its started to get very dangerous at work functions. Then I learned that a little coke will pull you out of a blackout and more will sober you up so to speak. It was like Dr. Who - I would just all of a sudden come out of a blackout staring at lines of coke I had no idea how I got. So that kind of became a bit of the norm for me to function.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 642
I drank alone and stayed at home, so blackouts didn't have consequences. But I had my fair share.
The real killer came for me when I drank extremely heavy over the weekend at the end of a binge that started the previous weekend (I would drink heavy nightly during the week and then VERY heavy on the weekend). Monday, Tuesday, sometimes Wednesday... death. Abdominal pain from hell... shaky, jittery, can barely function. That's the part that got me.
The real killer came for me when I drank extremely heavy over the weekend at the end of a binge that started the previous weekend (I would drink heavy nightly during the week and then VERY heavy on the weekend). Monday, Tuesday, sometimes Wednesday... death. Abdominal pain from hell... shaky, jittery, can barely function. That's the part that got me.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 370
For years it wasn't unusual for me to miss bits and pieces of an evening, and I have blacked out before, but my last night drunk I have no memory of what so ever. Or why I looked like I fell out of a fast moving car... I have no concerns about where my drinking will "progress" to, it's a miracle I have survived my own drunken behavior. Sooner or later one of these misadventures will get me. I always joked I was like Mr Magoo, it's beyond ridiculous what I've survived, not that I haven't suffered some horrendous injuries. But it's no longer fun, and now I've chosen a different life. We each decide when we've had enough
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,908
Blackout isn't the same as pass out. If you are in blackout stage, you know what you are doing while you are doing it. You just have no memory of the the next day and sometimes, you never remember it.
I still have no memory of leaving the bar and getting into my car to drive home. I have a vague memory of a loud BANG and then voices yelling at me asking if I was okay. Then I have a glimpse of memory of a police officer asking me questions, then another vague memory of standing before a police captain or something. He was on a higher level and behind a desk. They were going through my purse, I think.
That was about 7 years ago. Those things never come back because blackout destroys the memory area of the brain. There is nothing there to remember. It's pretty scary if you study about it.
I still have no memory of leaving the bar and getting into my car to drive home. I have a vague memory of a loud BANG and then voices yelling at me asking if I was okay. Then I have a glimpse of memory of a police officer asking me questions, then another vague memory of standing before a police captain or something. He was on a higher level and behind a desk. They were going through my purse, I think.
That was about 7 years ago. Those things never come back because blackout destroys the memory area of the brain. There is nothing there to remember. It's pretty scary if you study about it.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 109
blackout
Everyones posts here really made me think! Thanks because I would like to never desire getting drunk again. I was just going to write something dumb..like I don't remember entire conversations I held. But blackouts are bizaare and like someone wrote..u may not ever remember it. Blackouts freaky at first..later I blacked out pretty much every drunk.
International Man of Mystery
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Richmond VA
Posts: 213
Originally Posted by suki44883 
Blackout isn't the same as pass out. If you are in blackout stage, you know what you are doing while you are doing it. You just have no memory of the the next day and sometimes, you never remember it.
I still have no memory of leaving the bar and getting into my car to drive home. I have a vague memory of a loud BANG and then voices yelling at me asking if I was okay. Then I have a glimpse of memory of a police officer asking me questions, then another vague memory of standing before a police captain or something. He was on a higher level and behind a desk. They were going through my purse, I think.
That was about 7 years ago. Those things never come back because blackout destroys the memory area of the brain. There is nothing there to remember. It's pretty scary if you study about it.
I still have no memory of leaving the bar and getting into my car to drive home. I have a vague memory of a loud BANG and then voices yelling at me asking if I was okay. Then I have a glimpse of memory of a police officer asking me questions, then another vague memory of standing before a police captain or something. He was on a higher level and behind a desk. They were going through my purse, I think.
That was about 7 years ago. Those things never come back because blackout destroys the memory area of the brain. There is nothing there to remember. It's pretty scary if you study about it.
Once heard someone explain it like taking a VHS tape and erasing it.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,908
Yeah, they are freaky and scary and if they end in a DUI, it's a real pain in the arse for a few years.
Wish I could say that, that experience was the end of my drinking, but it wasn't. Sure, I was scared shiteless for a few weeks and didn't drink and thought I'd never want to drink again. But, after a while, the horror of what happened tends to wear off and then you get pistoff about all the consequences and how inconvenient they are and how EXPENSIVE they are and so you grab a six pack or a 12-pack or you buy a gallon of wine and drink because that's the only way you know to deal with all that shite!
Yeah, I drank another two years, but I never again got behind the wheel after drinking. I did learn THAT lesson, although I still continued to drink.
Wish I could say that, that experience was the end of my drinking, but it wasn't. Sure, I was scared shiteless for a few weeks and didn't drink and thought I'd never want to drink again. But, after a while, the horror of what happened tends to wear off and then you get pistoff about all the consequences and how inconvenient they are and how EXPENSIVE they are and so you grab a six pack or a 12-pack or you buy a gallon of wine and drink because that's the only way you know to deal with all that shite!
Yeah, I drank another two years, but I never again got behind the wheel after drinking. I did learn THAT lesson, although I still continued to drink.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Edmonton, Alberta
Posts: 297
SAD-There's Guys in Prison for Murdering Someone in a Blackout. I could not Imagine How that would FEEL. He did it-is doing the Harsh Time for it-Doesn't Remember a Freakin' thing !!! Wow...
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,908
When I stop and think that, instead of hitting a parked car...I could have hit another car on the road, or I could have hit someone just crossing the street. What if a little kid died because I drank my self stupid and then tried to drive??
What if I was that guy, right here in the city in which I live, who killed FOUR people because I was drunk behind the wheel. We tend to think these horrible things just won't happen to us, but they can happen to any of us who drive after drinking.
What if I was that guy, right here in the city in which I live, who killed FOUR people because I was drunk behind the wheel. We tend to think these horrible things just won't happen to us, but they can happen to any of us who drive after drinking.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Germany
Posts: 22
Yep, I was starting to black out more and more. I could even just have a few beers and not remember many things when I woke up the next day. It's like the memory part of my brain has been deteriorating over the years when I'm under the influence.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Germany
Posts: 22
And oh boy do I have a few blackout stories. One time my boyfriend's mom said she needed soy sauce. I black out and the next thing I know I'm at walmart looking for soy sauce. I didn't know which kind to get so I buy 3 different bottles of soy sauce, then drive myself back to her house. I didn't remember the drive to Walmart and I definitely wasn't in my right mind while shopping for soy sauce.
Then once I woke up covered in blood and my face was all scabbed up. I thought someone must have beat me up. But I found out I had passed out in my boyfriends car against the door. Someone opened it and I face planted into the gravel. I sort of remembered laying in the gravel, and nothing hurt thankfully. But I had some scabs all over my face to explain to my family and friends. Also my boyfriend's father-in-law thought I was possessed by the devil and was trying to exorcise me.
Then once I woke up covered in blood and my face was all scabbed up. I thought someone must have beat me up. But I found out I had passed out in my boyfriends car against the door. Someone opened it and I face planted into the gravel. I sort of remembered laying in the gravel, and nothing hurt thankfully. But I had some scabs all over my face to explain to my family and friends. Also my boyfriend's father-in-law thought I was possessed by the devil and was trying to exorcise me.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 8,335
I drank my wine at home. I frequently " fell asleep" early, only to awaken in the night…unable to go back to sleep. Towards the end of my drinking, I'd have trouble remembering what I did / said before bed……I'd scratch my head trying to remember. It was really scary and I hated the feeling…..indescribable relief knowing I'll never feel that way again.
Realising my life
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Dorset, England
Posts: 3,656
Originally Posted by Pondlady
.indescribable relief knowing I'll never feel that way again.
Just reading through this thread has helped my motivation no end. I was a regular black-out drinker. It once took me 3 hours to take a 30 minute train ride home. I'll never know what I did (or was done to me) during that time, but I arrived home without my purse and with a huge bruise from my waist to my knee. Never, ever, ever again!
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