messed up
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Join Date: Jan 2014
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messed up
Well, after 17 days sober, I ended up picking up a 12 today and a few martinis in a can. Don't know why since I had a real good day, just in the mood I guess. Even went to an AA meeting than a movie and did a little shopping. Just couldn't make it home without a stop at the liquor store. I had 3 years once, and a year after that, but things were different than. I had a lot of support back than. If I felt a little antsy, I could drop by someone's house for a while. Don't have that anymore since moving. Still think I'm doing pretty good for the most part. 17 days is the best I've done in at least a year, so that's something. Not expecting long term sobriety anyway, although that would be nice. I'm determined not to mess this weekend up. My last relapse was a nasty one. Anyway, just thought i'd put this out there. SR has been a big reason why I made it to 17 days. Thanks for all your support and I hope everybody is doing ok.
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 553
Sounds like you haven't set very high expectations for yourself......you've had long term sobriety before, do you really want it again?
If so, there is plenty of help available but you have to want it so bad for yourself that you'll use what's available to you (AA, friends, sponsor, meetings, meditation, etc).
Something to think about anyway
If so, there is plenty of help available but you have to want it so bad for yourself that you'll use what's available to you (AA, friends, sponsor, meetings, meditation, etc).
Something to think about anyway
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 388
Agreed! WHy expect the worst when you can choose the best? Keep checkiong back here with us and take one minute at a time- what is it that makes you think others can reach long term sobriety but not you? The AV? Slap that beast- you deserve it and you CAN!
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
Originally Posted by Inca 
Sounds like you haven't set very high expectations for yourself......you've had long term sobriety before, do you really want it again?
If so, there is plenty of help available but you have to want it so bad for yourself that you'll use what's available to you (AA, friends, sponsor, meetings, meditation, etc).
Something to think about anyway
If so, there is plenty of help available but you have to want it so bad for yourself that you'll use what's available to you (AA, friends, sponsor, meetings, meditation, etc).
Something to think about anyway
The only thing I have that is consistent is this site. Maybe its my depression that is doing the talking, but that is just the way it is. I'm sure there are some people on this forum that understands what I am talking about.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,383
I failed to stay sober for 15 years...I think what changed things in the end was accepting I was an alcoholic and that drinking was a choice to die really.
when you take that drinking option off the table - nop matter what - it forces you to look to other options to help you deal with whatever is troubling you.
It's tough yeah, but far from doing it alone, I have 100 thousand helpers and friends here
I really believe recovery is available to all of us - and I totally believe we get out of it what we put into our recovery.
I think you're selling yourself way short by declaring you're not capable of long term sobriety - it's kinda like being given the keys to a new car but restricting yourself to driving around the block.
D
when you take that drinking option off the table - nop matter what - it forces you to look to other options to help you deal with whatever is troubling you.
It's tough yeah, but far from doing it alone, I have 100 thousand helpers and friends here
I really believe recovery is available to all of us - and I totally believe we get out of it what we put into our recovery.
I think you're selling yourself way short by declaring you're not capable of long term sobriety - it's kinda like being given the keys to a new car but restricting yourself to driving around the block.
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
Maybe posting on this forum and letting people know where I am coming from would help. I'm feeling so low right now, I could really use a hug. I just wish I could find someone that REALLY CARES, no matter what. To me, that would be like winning the lottery. Knowing that nobody cares whether you live or die is a real bummer. I could have a heart attack in my apartment, and nobody would know until my rent is due. This might sound like I am feeling sorry for myself, and, in a way, it is. Being alone feels worse when you have tried hard to make things different. That really tells me how little people care. It would be easier if I didn't try at all, because then all I have to blame is myself, and still have some hope that there is still a chance that things can change. The only satisfaction I get out of this is that I tried and know what the reality is.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,383
I'm sorry you're low - I'm not trying to make you feel lower.
There's a forum here of people who care
I remember feeling low, drinking (hoping it would help) but feeling even lower instead, and feeling that maybe it was easier not to try at all..
I listened to that inner voice, my addict voice, and I lost another couple of years of my life.
be smarter than I was, ok?
you are worth fighting for.
D
There's a forum here of people who care
I remember feeling low, drinking (hoping it would help) but feeling even lower instead, and feeling that maybe it was easier not to try at all..
I listened to that inner voice, my addict voice, and I lost another couple of years of my life.
be smarter than I was, ok?
you are worth fighting for.
D
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Pa
Posts: 62
Hello, you may be feeling hopeless right now but its really not the case. Tomorrow is a chance to just start over. 17 days was great. I got to 5 and failed and just am starting over. No sense in beating oneself up. Just try to move on and use things are learning experiences. Im great at giving advice but lousy at doing what I suggest when things get tough. I know that when I drink and use it really doesn't make me feel better anymore. I want to change but its tough. its the way I've known how to live for most of my life.
alcohol is a depressant. I hate when Im hungover I get really anxious also as an effect also. Stay out of trouble.
peace
alcohol is a depressant. I hate when Im hungover I get really anxious also as an effect also. Stay out of trouble.
peace
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
Well virtual friends have picked me up this week on SR. People that I have never seen. I have learn to respect their opinion and input.
Maybe you can do the same, count me as one of your friends :-)
Maybe you can do the same, count me as one of your friends :-)
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 642
Originally Posted by 2muchpain
Well, after 17 days sober, I ended up picking up a 12 today and a few martinis in a can. Don't know why since I had a real good day, just in the mood I guess. Even went to an AA meeting than a movie and did a little shopping. Just couldn't make it home without a stop at the liquor store. I had 3 years once, and a year after that, but things were different than. I had a lot of support back than. If I felt a little antsy, I could drop by someone's house for a while. Don't have that anymore since moving. Still think I'm doing pretty good for the most part. 17 days is the best I've done in at least a year, so that's something. Not expecting long term sobriety anyway, although that would be nice. I'm determined not to mess this weekend up. My last relapse was a nasty one. Anyway, just thought i'd put this out there. SR has been a big reason why I made it to 17 days. Thanks for all your support and I hope everybody is doing ok.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
Thepatman
I could really use a friend. Like I said, nobody cares whether I live or die. It would make a huge difference if that made a difference to someone. I don't think I am asking for much. Just a little caring would make all the difference. When you are starved for someone to really show you they care, anything would help. It's like someone who is starving for food, and someone gives them some bread. It might not sound like much to some people, but to that person, it is a godsend. All I am asking for is a piece of bread. That was what I was looking for in AA. Throw me a crumb and I'm good to go.
I could really use a friend. Like I said, nobody cares whether I live or die. It would make a huge difference if that made a difference to someone. I don't think I am asking for much. Just a little caring would make all the difference. When you are starved for someone to really show you they care, anything would help. It's like someone who is starving for food, and someone gives them some bread. It might not sound like much to some people, but to that person, it is a godsend. All I am asking for is a piece of bread. That was what I was looking for in AA. Throw me a crumb and I'm good to go.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
Imabuleva
Why do you care whether I live or die? I mean, it won't affect your life. As far as whether I care, I have lived a very exciting and fulfilling life. I have done more than a lot of people have because I have been fortunate enough to had the chance to do so. I believe that giving to others is more important than providing for myself, and I have done this ten fold. I think I have had the opportunity to change lives for the better. What more can anybody want? I know that if I die today, I have made a positive inpact on others' lives. I just wish that now that the tables are turned, that I would be treated as I treated them. But most of you know, that is not how it works. I feel very lucky to have been able to help others in their time of need, but here I sit with nobody to show the same concern I showed them. Like the saying goes, Lifes's a bit%%, get over it and move one.
Why do you care whether I live or die? I mean, it won't affect your life. As far as whether I care, I have lived a very exciting and fulfilling life. I have done more than a lot of people have because I have been fortunate enough to had the chance to do so. I believe that giving to others is more important than providing for myself, and I have done this ten fold. I think I have had the opportunity to change lives for the better. What more can anybody want? I know that if I die today, I have made a positive inpact on others' lives. I just wish that now that the tables are turned, that I would be treated as I treated them. But most of you know, that is not how it works. I feel very lucky to have been able to help others in their time of need, but here I sit with nobody to show the same concern I showed them. Like the saying goes, Lifes's a bit%%, get over it and move one.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North salt lake
Posts: 3,325
Ouch! There is a lot of people who care if you live or die on this site. We all kind of in the same boat here, although some more advanced in their sobriety. That's not a saying I use, keep your eyes on the prize....
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